Prom

[mumtoateenger75]

I know I'm probably wrong for feeling this way but I have provided my daughter with everything she needs for her prom
Her dad (my ex) who doesn't pay maintenance hasn't contributed at all
And it is just totally up to best part of £800
She tells me now that she would like her dad to go to her pre prom to see her in her dress etc and I feel. Gutted that she would want him there
When he has refused to pay anything to it

I feel for you, but as hard as it is this isn’t about money.

Girls learn self worth and self esteem from their dads. Girls seek male approval from their dads. She wants her dad to be proud of her. I wouldn’t take it personally.

I feel your pain - you put in all the effort and hard work, pay or it all and he gets to see the finished result without any effort or payment on his part. Annoying to say the least.
However it’s not about you. And that’s hard to swallow I know.
I am in a very similar situation and I’m grinning and baring it and drinking gin
Do this for your dd. You can hold your head up high and feel proud of her and yourself.
I hope she has a lovely prom

£800 for a Prom! Madness.

Sorry but she is not equating you spending £800 with exclusive rights for you to appreciate it. at that amount for one evening.

I know Prom is shocking a complete waste of money but peer pressure is there when all her friends are wearing beautiful dresses etc the pressure is to do the same

I appreciate your comments and I see what you mean by she wants her dads approval I just feel annoyed that he will be standing there feeling equally as proud and yet he financed nothing

I will grin and bare it as I have to x

Chocolate cake that's very sweet Thankyou x

Maybe she just loves her dad and wants him to be proud of her?

Don’t feel annoyed - i bet you have done a brilliant job raising her on your own.

He am sure will feel equally proud. It’s not about how much has been spent (and agree that £800 is a ridiculous amount to spend on one night for a child).

I know it's not about the money I get that but he takes no interest in her life full stop never sees her and it just seems strange that she would want a man that shows little interest in her life

it just seems strange that she would want a man that shows little interest in her life
You've kind of answered your own question there. He shows little interest in her life. She wants him to. If she had the opportunity for him to be involved why wouldn't she take it?

You did not need to spend £800, and anyway paying doesn't give you exclusive viewing rights.

At least he wants to come. With my ex I paid for everything and he had no interest in anything the children were doing. None at all.

I can see how it would grate though...x Could you tap him for a ton?

No doubt she wants him there because everyone else will have their dad there!

It sounds like she very much wants his attention and approval, and she thinks that this, at last, will get his attention even if he isn't interested the rest of the time.

I do understand how you feel OP but she knows that you are there for her and always will be. You can help her with her hair and tell her how beautiful she looks. You will be the one she turns to the day after prom, with all the tales and stories from the night before. Maybe offer to do her nails for her or something so you can have a lovely shared time together.

Forget the useless ex grinning away, thinking he can take the credit. Or hand him a bill for 50% of the cost.

You've done well to keep her having a good attitude towards her dad in spite of how unsupportive he is. That is to your credit.

Kids are programmed to love their parents like we are to love them. Don't look for logic.

I know it's not the point of your thread, and I am not being funny but how on earth did you manage to spend so much?! My DD has hired a gorgeous dress for £95 and I thought that was a lot! The only other expense, apart from £40 ticket, was £20 shoes, £25 to get nails done and £15 for some dangly earrings (which will be a birthday present) She is doing own hair and makeup. I do hope your DD has a lovely time though x

My parents helped me a lot as they do I'm very lucky as their dad doesn't step up at all finachially not even maintence my parents help when needed

Is this what people pay for proms? My daughter has a £50 dress from next, surely not the only one?

I made dd's dress and total cost including shoes ,hair, makeup etc was around £125. Very few girls spend more than £150-200 on a dress and most were significantly less.

I know Prom is shocking a complete waste of money but peer pressure is there when all her friends are wearing beautiful dresses etc the pressure is to do the same

My dd has just had her prom. She looked beautiful, as I'm sure everyone's dds across the country did. We - and again, I know I'm speaking for the vast majority here - did not spend more than a very small fraction of that amount. You are being ridiculous to spend that on a party.

I know that ^ isn't what you are asking, but that is such a ridiculous amount of money it is difficult to get past.

However, in terms of her trying to get her Dad's attention / approval, that is what it is. Difficult for you as the resident parent, but not really surprising. It has nothing to do with money.

It’ll be the long term gain you’ll receive and it’ll be so worth it. X

£800 is a lot of money but I have spent £25 a on second hand DJ, £12 on a tie, £35 on new shoes and £19 on a shirt. So that's not short of £100 with ticket. DS has paid for own haircut. I have told DS to go round to his Dad's and borrow a pair of cuff links so we didn't have any more expense and obviously he has contributed nothing.

Your Dd will look back on it and probably remember you both choosing the dress and all the preparations and the fun time with her friends on the night. I expect her Df dropping her off and picking her up will be low down on her memory list. Has her Df agreed to it or has she not asked him yet?

Sending you the strength to grit your teeth and smile and keep focusing on how great and memorable the event will be. Totally understand how it takes the shine off what should be a happy occasion though. The mix of pride, happiness, anger and bitterness is weird and hard to process. Am in Same situation here, bet there will be an army of mums having a gin and sigh of relief tiny cry in the garden once their kids are safely at prom and all the stress is over!