13 year old son

[Mama1985]

my son is 13 years old and he just doesn't listen to anything I have to say I'm always shouting at him and I'm finding myself angry at him at all times .I've tried everything from grounding to taking away gadgets taking away tv time, time out silent treatment. Im always telling him how much I love him and how much I want to see him happy and successfully. the son is repeatedly doing and portraying
theb same behaviour which he has been punished for over and over again.
i have sat him down many occasions . talked to him about his behaviour and attuide but nothing seems to help or change him.
please help me ? what can I do?

You need to find a 'slot' to have a friendship with him ime.
My ds 14 is hard work (struggling to accept /manage ME).
We found a common ground in having evening meal as a family - away from the Xbox without argument, watch soaps /film night.
I make sure to ask after his mates, interested - but not critical of his social life!

I have tried this too although MEALS times have been in practise since I had my children every evening meal we sit down and just have family time . but this is not working now

What exactly is he doing that is making you shout/punish him?

I have a 13yr old DS, and he responds better to a calm chat than he does to shouting or punishments

Less stressful for me too!

The clue is in "I keep shouting at him" and "I've told him over and over again" if I've quoted you correctly.

Teenage brains are wired differently to ours. Read up on this and you'll understand why you're not getting anywhere.

You mean well and love him but
I'm afraid you have to change how you approach this to even begin any dialogue.

My son is nearly 9 and is exactly the same.

I ask him to do something /not to do something - I ask nicely, I repeat myself, I clarify how I want it done...

He either doesn’t do what I’ve asked and I have to physically take him - to shower/brush teeth
Or
He does part of it or forgets the mission half way there. Ie take your washing down please...he goes to his room and doesn’t reappear!

It drives me insane. We end up shouting and falling out as I am at the end of my tether.

Physical prompting helps where I take him to the task required and point it out but man I don’t feel like following him around all day.

Why don’t they take responsibility and just get on with stuff???

Arghh sorry not much help but I feel your pain...

Shouting at teens really does not work. They just lose respect for you and close off even more imo.

Buy the book 'get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town' and read it from cover to cover.

It saved my sanity when ds was 13, changed how I parented (I thought shouting was the way to go too) and made our house a much nicer place to be. He's 17 now and 99% of the time a joy!

Does he like football? We are making a deal of it today with pizza, snacks etc. Could he invite people round and do similar?

Please stop giving him the silent treatment, it’s abusive.

You’ve had some great advice on here already. I can second You need to find a 'slot' to have a friendship with him ime. this one. Have you thought of anything you can do yet?

Have you started to book yet too?

And I have to agree with Northern, that is abusive. That’s the kind of shit my “D”M did to me. To say we don’t have a good relationship is a bit of an understatement...

Stop shouting and start listening.

Read the book “get out of my life” it will help you cope much better xx

Oh and my “D”M also never made any time to do things together, just me and her, just either gave me the cold shoulder or shouted. Please don’t be like her.