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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd 15 and boyfriend.

18 replies

Kath36 · 22/06/2018 09:10

Ok so for those of you that remember my post from earlier in year I'm looking for advice again. So my dd 15 who broke me a number of times has now managed to turn herself around. She now in school and doing reasonably well and making friends. For those of you that remember we cut all contact with her friendship groups from her old-school and she had no phone internet and was with me at all times while I was off sick for 4 months. Now here's the issue. She had made friends with a boy across the street. Which has now become a dating thing. He is a nice boy plays rugby and family well known in area. My partner does not think she should spend all her time with him. After school so from about 4 she comes home for dinner and has to be home for 9.30. Sunday's she is up early to watch him play rugby. I have stated I rather her be there tgen not know where she is or what she doing. He seems to have a different opinion. He does not want them in our house as does not want to share the living room with them. As a result they spend most of there time at his house watching films and playing on x box. He says he is right with his thoughts but I don't agree. Has anyone got on thoughts of this. By the way she is now a much nicer personnel be around and I've got some trust back with her. It was actually his idea to post on here to see how many people disagree with me so I'm interested in others opinions.

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 22/06/2018 09:14

It sounds like he is good for her but I think she should be encouraged to spend some time on other interests and friends as when it inevitably ends she will be bereft and in pieces.

ReservoirDogs · 22/06/2018 09:20

Sorry - I have read it twice and I am not sure what you are asking.

I think you say she spends between 4pm and 9.30pm at her boyfriends where they can watch films or play Xbox and that she goes to watch him play rugby.

You want them to come to yours (but your partner doesn't agree) and you don't want her to watch him play rugby.

I am not surpirsed they want to go to the boyfriends as they probably are aware that your DP does not want them there and when they are there they can do what they want.

As regards going to watch him play rugby that is a great thing to do, it is social, she'll be on the touchline with other girlfriends and parents etc and it is great fun to watch matches and a way to get fresh air.

I would have no problem with either but I would have a problem with a partner who did not make my child and their friends/boy/girlfriends welcome in my home.

Is there any way you could get them to spend some time with you eg. having a meal at yours etc. whether one evening a week or Sunday dinner?

So unless the amount of time they are spending together is impacting on her homework and school grades etc I wouldn't have a problem.

ReservoirDogs · 22/06/2018 09:20

Yes also the the PP that she should have other friends too.

MyKingdomForBrie · 22/06/2018 09:25

Given how well she's doing now it sounds like a great thing for her, any opposition is liable to drive her away/bring back some of the previous oppositional issues. If it ain't broke don't fix it and it sounds fine, except for your partner being an arse about having this perfectly nice boy in the living room!

Original poster
Kath36 · 22/06/2018 09:27

She does have a few other friends that she speaks to and sees when they can. Problem is she basically starting from scratch again. Up until last month had no friends as everything was pulled from her. Partner wasn't keen on idea that he was here for dinner yesterday. They left before he came home. My badly put question is. Am I wrong for thinking that spending time in my house is wrong. His father has same stance as us to be fair for rules. His family have made her welcome.

OP posts:
TumbleTussocks · 22/06/2018 09:34

Is your partner your DD's dad?
If not, how long has he been in your lives?

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 22/06/2018 09:36

You do know watching films is code for shagging in teen speak?

TumbleTussocks · 22/06/2018 09:41

No, it's not! Teens like to watch films, TV programmes.

Original poster
Kath36 · 22/06/2018 09:41

No partner is not her dad. Been together 10 years. He quite set in his ways. I hear he was same with his own kids who are adults now.

As for shagging . They are in his living room while his dad spends alot of time in kitchen.

OP posts:
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 22/06/2018 09:43

Living room you say? Dd says? His df says?
Mmm. ..
OK.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/06/2018 09:43

You need to also make him welcome in your home. This is life with teens and your partner needs to accept that.

Original poster
Kath36 · 22/06/2018 09:47

His father has confirmed it to me like I say he seems to have same rules in his house.

He is a friendly nice boy has met her step sister who liked him and has answered all our questions.

Am I mad for not having them here. I do feel slightly out of order as his family have made her welcome and I don't feel we doing same.

Seeing as where dd was 6 months ago we have had massive improvements with her.

OP posts:
ReservoirDogs · 22/06/2018 09:53

Yes - you need to speak to your DP and explain that you want them to feel as comfortable in your home as they do in his. Explain you do not want to go back to how things were and that he (your not so D- P) will have to welcome DD and her friends in your home. The way he treated his own children is not how you wish to treat your child and he will need to respect that.

I get that it is his home too but it is also yours and DDs.

Original poster
Kath36 · 22/06/2018 10:05

This is interesting. I don't think he would have thought that anyone would disagree with him.

OP posts:
TumbleTussocks · 22/06/2018 10:07

Am I mad for not having them here

Yes.

But I would encourage your DD not to see bf every day because if she becomes totally dependent on him she will struggle to cope if they split.

Gently help her to grow into an independent woman rather than just being a girlfriend on the rugby sidelines!

Original poster
Kath36 · 22/06/2018 10:09

Yes I agree with you. We have spoke about this and she agreed to. She said she is going to see her friends from school next week.

OP posts:
turnaroundbrighteyes · 22/06/2018 10:15

Wow, absolutely I would welcome him into your home because:-
a) It's her home too and it's not fair to make her feel like she's doing something wrong by bringing a perfectly nice boy home
b) It's only fair to share the hosting. I'm sure the boyfriends parents would like the house to themselves sometimes too.
c) How can you parent her if she's not there?

It does seem a little excessive every night though. I'd probably be saying she can go there up to x times a week and he's welcome here up to x times a week.

Original poster
Kath36 · 22/06/2018 10:34

As a rule he does rugby training twice a week so they don't spend time together then.

OP posts:
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