Punishments.

[molliepops01]

I just wondered people’s opinions on punishing a 13yo when they have been punished at school.
My dd school have a behaviour points system whereby they get a point for naughty behaviour. Excess points and persistent behaviour results in the child going on a written report- completed at the end of each lesson by the teacher.

Dd was on report from Dec to March due to her bad and unacceptable behaviour including disrupting class, being rude to teachers and not completing work. Her behaviour had improved and she was removed from report however over the last 4 weeks her behaviour has really declined at home as well as School and today has managed to receive two behaviour points. At home we currently operate a system whereby if she has received a behaviour poibtbat School she has no internet for the rest of that evening. I was talking to some other parents who don’t punish their children when they have behaviour points etc stating that they have already been punished by the school by recieveing the point. Their child is also in report. It got me thinking that maybe I shouldn’t also be punishing her at home? For me it also depends on the decertification the points. For example if she receivers one for forgetting her planner then I am more relaxed then I am if it’s for no homework or being removed from class.
It’s wondered what others do and also what other punishments youbgive your teenagers. She has already lost her internet/phone and is grounded for for two weeks due to Her behaviour last week. Today she has been removed from class. Twice. What am I supposed to do?

You are devolving all responsibility for your child’s behaviour to the school if you don’t address this behaviour at home. You are saying it’s something for the school to deal with. You are the parent, you need to deal with it.

My feelings exactly which is why there is a consequence for bad school behaviour at home.

Schools have a very limited toolbox for sanctioning bad behaviour. The report is supposed to be a guide for parents to use to sanction poor behaviour at home, along with the school if any occurs. It's not the schools job to raise and discipline children, it's there to educate. If the behaviour gets in the way then it's down to the parents to set appropriate punishment at home so the child behaves appropriately at school and is able to learn and not disrupt the learning of others. It annoys me when parents dump ever aspect of child raising onto schools and treat teachers like babysitters or herd nannies, it's really not what it's there for.

I do not punish my kids for something they have been punished for at school but we do talk about it and discuss how and why it happened and what they can do to stop it happening again.
I'm not a big fan of grounding, it goes on too long and I feel it disrupts family relationships and encourages teens to be sulky and unco-operative and resentful. I find I can influence and educate my teens more effectively when they respect what I say - not because I have insisted and demanded respect as their parent but because they trust me and believe that I have their best interests at heart. I can only advise, my ability to control them reduces as they age - a sit should, threats and sanctions only happen when they get caught and many don't, they need to develop a sense of doing the right thing because it's the right thing rather than having a fear of being punished and that is what I work on.