It’s a difficult stage, does she have plans to carry on in education?
How many hours does she work a week?
My DD is just 18 and in the last weeks of a BTEC course. She has had enough of studying, not sure she would suit uni at this age anyway, so is going to have a gap year whilst she decides her next step.
We have made it clear she doesn’t just sit around – and she has recently got a retail post (having had a similar one before xmas) – only a few hours a week but there seems to be plenty of scope for extra hours and she is also now driving with a small car.
She is planning to volunteer and/or travel next year, I am trying not to nag her to look at opportunities – as all I get is “trust me, I will sort something, just give me time”, but I am sure that once she is 6 weeks out of college I will want to see evidence of some research, as I know some applications will need to be done in the autumn.
She does volunteer as a young Guide leader and has already done a couple of trips abroad as a Guide. Could your DD do some daytime volunteering if she works in the evening?
It is a very hard age/stage – my DD is desperate to be fiercely independent, but is not quite mature enough!! She wants to organise everything herself, so I know my nagging is counter-productive and I am trying to back off. A friend with an older nephew who didn’t go to uni has given me a little insight, saying that the more her sister and BIL tried to help him, the worse it was, as he wanted to find his own way. My DD is the same.
I will be expecting her to help in the house more when she has finished college and is not at work, plus do plenty of dog walks. We have said we won’t charge her any ‘board’ during gap year, although I also expect her not to waste her wages too.
Would your DD allow you to organise a regular savings account, maybe towards something? If she can get interested in saving for going volunteering or travelling, it may kick start her into working more. My DD seems to be motivated to earn money to give her options next year.
In terms of sanctions, I think you have to say that if she can’t treat your home with respect, she has to move out. She is an adult – I know that technically they will struggle to get anywhere – but maybe just having the chat that it’s your home, your rules and you expect respect etc, will make her appreciate what you provide at home.