14 Year Old DS- Drug Shock

[apairofblueeyes100]

Hello everyone - I regularly follow all advice with interest and would be very grateful for views/comments regarding my 14 year old DS. I am feeling very sad and helpless at the moment.

Unfortunately, I discovered at the weekend that my son had (via social media) arranged to buy weed from a drug dealer for himself and a friend from school. This was only discovered because his friend unfortunately took an adverse reaction to the drug with his parents finding him unwell in their home. Thankfully, my DS's friend is ok and his symptoms were more a reaction to first time use rather than anything more sinister.

I feel my son has been leading some sort of secret life on line and am totally devastated by what he has done. He has been brought up in a solid family background and goes to a good school. My DH and I have also always been very vocal about drugs/alcohol from am early age too.

I have met with the other boy's parents and explained how wrong their behavior has been and how lucky that there was not more serious consequence. I have also spoken to the police as I don't want this drug dealer selling on to any more kids. I have removed all social media from my son as I feel I cannot trust him to have any outside contact. I have told him that he could have been charged with possession and also with intention to sell on (as he bought it for him and his friend).

At this stage, I can barely look at my son. He seems to not realize the seriousness of his actions and is acting hard done by. He has shown no remorse and I have received no proper explanation for what has happened.

I just don't know how to move forward with DS and help him to change his life around and get out of this cycle. It is such a difficult time and any advice would be very appreciated.

Kids do stupid things and most people I know tried weed. I'm not minimising but it doesn't mean he had any real reason other than teenage curiosity and doesn't make him a bad person.

He has been brought up in a solid family background and goes to a good school.

I went to both a sink school and a very fancy private school know for outstanding academia, there were drugs at both.

I'd give him a huge bollocking, remove some privileges and keep an eye on him but honestly it's not the end of the world. Almost everyone I was friends with at school, self included, dabbled here and there.

I can barely look at my son. He seems to not realize the seriousness of his actions

Actually it's you who doesn't seem to have a true perspective on this. He's fourteen and he made a mistake. Fourteen year olds make mistakes, it's what being fourteen is for. Why, apart from this one mild drug related incident, does he need to "change his life around"? Does he steal and hit people? Is he failing at school and have no friends? And how do you intend to force this lifechange anyway - taking him off social media and making him feel isolated is just giving him more reason to take drugs for fun.

Don't push him away, whatever you do. Make it clear you're not happy about the drug use, and then his dad needs to drag him into some sort of time consuming hobby that will limit the amount of time he is bored and unsupervised.

He is at a key stage in his trust for you and how you react is going to be he deciding factor in whether he tells you about future mistakes that he needs help with, or whether he hides them from you. Don't tell him you're angry - tell him you were frightened. It's closer to the truth

I think you've dealt with it well. You've hit it from all sides; it's exactly what I would do. I know kids do these things but you're his parent and part of your job is to help him stay on the straight and narrow, which I think you have done. He doesn't need to show remorse, he needs to understand the potential impact on him. Leave him to stew and keep the sanctions in place but make it clear to him that you will not let him wander off the right path because you love him and want the best for him, no other reason.
I've had cause to pull my teenager up this year for some slightly dodgy online behaviour which was totally out of character. Me and his dad pulled him in for a talk and gave him it to him full force. He wasn't remorseful but I could see he was ashamed. My parting my comment was 'you work so so hard at school to give yourself a good life, I will not let you fuck it all up on my watch' The message sank in and he turned things around. You're doing good, keep going.

Hi op, I understand that your disappointed in your son for smoking and buying weed, but unfortunately that's what kids that age do..I know I tried it around that age and I know others who have and we have all turned out ok, I would just sit him down and calmly and have a honest and Frank discussion about it with him, by the sounds of it, it seems like it's the first time that they have tried it and with the other child responsibles outcome of trying it, I'm sure your son won't do it again, it's not the be all and end all of him trying it as unfortunately kids experiment, I think you have done the right thing by talking to the other lads parents and calling the police so the dealer doesn't sell to more kids, but I hope you haven't left your name and did it anominsly as drug dealers arnt the nicest of people, and I also wouldn't tell your son you did that as it may worry him, I think after you guys have had a chat, take his Xbox/playstation/iPad or whatever for a few weeks and make him do some extra chores as punishment..you will be able to look him in the eyes again one day and it's better you have found out now before he got addicted or owed money for it etc, also try and find out why he wanted to try it and see if there is any other things that he has tried or if there is something going on in his life he's trying to escape from, as I know I only tried it as a teenager as I was being bullied badly ( I'm not saying this is happening btw) but just thought I'd give u why I tried it.
Take care op and keep us updated.
It's not the end of the world and you can all move on front it .

Drugs are rife these days, cheap and easy to come by. My DC have told me about kids dealing at school and also kids who arrive at school stoned. This is being accepted as the norm but in my opinion this is not ok and should not be acceptable as the norm at this age. I did not go to school where kids deal drugs and sit in class stoned - this is a sought after oversubscribed school BTW. We are being told that overall kids today drink less and don’t take as much drugs but I beg to differ based on my experience.

Oh my god - I cannot believe the 'it is normal' responses on here!! Weed can have a very adverse change to young people - my son-it changed his personlity completely - needs to see a psychologist (if I could get hime to go) as he has mentaly changed! Been through courts, social worker - everything to get him help. Do not accept it as the norm. Weed does lead to other drugs, change in behaviour - everything. Pm me if you want to talk further about what we have and are still going through. Yes I know not everyone goes down this path but you may be one of the unlucky ones like us. So sorry ! X

Oh I think this is fairly normal. Don't most teens try weed at some point?

This is the biggest problem. All these children being brought up to believe its normal to take drugs.

Fucking hell.

OP I would be devastated too

@polsha I agree

The attitude towards teen drug taking of ‘that’s just what kids do’ and ‘I tried drugs and turned out ok’ is pretty prevalent on MN. Well drugs today are not the same, weed is far more potent and addictive with a higher possibility of leading on to other drugs. Who in their right mind would want their 14 year old in contact with a drug dealer?

The OP is absolutely right in the stance she has taken. Her DS needs to realise the potential consequences of this for his future.

You dealt with this as I would. I would be seething (:(

Thank you to everyone for your advice - I have taken all comments on board and appreciate this.

I feel so strongly about this because my oldest SS became involved with drugs at an early age, and now, at 31, has very serious mental health problems, has never worked and been involved in petty crime to fuel his drug habit. I have seen first hand how a little weed dabbling at an early age has sadly destroyed a young life. This may not happen to everyone but I saw it firsthand. I felt so disappointed because my DS had been brought up to see exactly what can happen.

The bottom line is I love my DS very much and always will but was struggling myself on how exactly to handle the situation. I have received good advice - the other outside activity example is excellent and is something we are actively looking into - not as a punishment but as a way to socialise without social media and make new friends.

Thanks xox