Unruley niece - I don't remember being this bad (bats eyelids and smiles sweetly!)

[Haribosmum]

My niece (13yrs) is being a complete pain in the butt. It all started a couple of months ago. Stealing money out of her monthers purse, disappearing for hours on end, fighting with her Mum etc. Her mum is a single mum and works every hour God sends just to make ends meet. She was sent to her Nanas for a bit more of a 'structured' family environment (Also my MIL works at a school for kids who have been expelled from mainstream school so is VERY well trained up on all this). She was then sent to New Zealand for a few months as her 'birthday prezzie' to live with her Aunties. (My DP and I didn't think this was a good idea). However she came back an Angel! Such a change in attitude.

However she has started all this up again and says she really misses New Zealand. Also her Dad is a complete t@~##{£. He spend more time and money on his step-children from his new relationship and completely ignores her. He picks her up and then lets her roam wild on the streets and completely undoes any good work her Mum managed to do in the week. She thinks the sun shines out of his backside and you can't tell a kid her Dads a baddun can you?

Anyway (I'm rambling now!) has anyone been through this and got any ideas what to do. I know I wasn't an angel during my teens but never this bad!

Split family situation
Living between her mum, her dad, her grandmothers, and an auntie in New Zealand!

At 13!

No wonder she is acting up. she sounds as if she is in a very, very confusing place. Some stability is what she needs.

I'd say her mum needs some help and support to enable her to meet her daughter's needs in her own home rather than sending her off to other people. She needs that 'structured' environment in her own home and from her own mum but of course it's hard as a single parent. There are often voluntary agencies in cities around the 'positive parenting' theme, also Parentline Plus can be brilliant, they're a phone line and also run free parenting workshops, often specifically aimed at parenting teens. Would you be able to support your SIL with finding some more support?

Yes we are all there for her and I've got to say I think the same as you. She doesn't need passing around from pillar to post.

Her Mum is trying her best bless her but doesn't seem able to cope anymore. I will pass her the numbers of those support groups.

I don't know what else to suggest to her really. My sons are only 3 and 5 months so I guess the best is yet to come!

Well at least she's got you supporting her H.

I've seen this an awful lot in the past as have worked with children and families for quite a while; someone sending their child off like this to others can be making a cry for help, showing that they don't think they can do it anymore and feeling that others will be better at the parenting than they are. Sometimes it has to be said it's people refusing to parent any more as they just don't want to, it's too much like work. I doubt it's this in many cases though.