Can you "unlove" you're teen?

[saltandvinegarcrisps1]

I love MY DD (17) but I just can't like/respect her. Her values are so different to.mine. she only seems to care about expensive stuff and labels. She packed in her only job after a few weeks (waitress) as they were "mean". It's her prom in a few weeks and I am already paying 300 pound plus for dress, hair, tan. But now she wants more to stay overnight in hotel, nails, drinks, shoes, bag. Another 200 or so. I can afford it but I don't want to spoil her. But she says "Its my PROM" which to me is a glorified school disco but at the same time I realise a big night for her. But I hate the entitlement she thinks she should get all stuff done despite not having a Saturday job. Should I pay as a once in a lifetime or tell her to get her own stuff?

Not sure how happy I'd be with 17 yr old staying overnight in a hotel with god knows who and a ton of cash for alcohol. Would a hotel even take her on her own at that age if she's inebriated?

Anyway, re paying, I do think out depends how she's asked. Has she got a birthday coming up, could it be money towards that? Can she do any work between Notre and then to pay you off for it?

I don't know any teen who's prom involved a hotel stay...

Has your DD looked for an alternative job since leaving waitressing?

If she wanted those things she should've stuck it out at work...

And that's exactly what I would tell her too.

My prom (2010) involved hotel stays. I didn't get one but the girls who did, we'd doing it to DTD

She has paid for some of the stuff on her own from birthday money/chores - it's all the "extras" that are now being asked for. Shes applied to two stores for jobs but nothing forthcoming then it was exam time so we said wait til after exams then try again.
She's already DTD with her boyfriend who is a year older so hotel is to stay with friends. Two are already 18 and DD and the other will be 18 soon - they've stayed at this hotel several times after concerts etc and hotel are fine with it - they don't get wasted and it's actually easier/ cheaper than taxis to where we live from city centre.
My issue is her values - or lack of - she is very materialistic which I really hate in people - but I know "the prom" is such a big thing nowadays so I don't know if I'm being unreasonable by not forking out for spray tan, nails when I can afford it - it's not the cost. I want her to learn the value of money but is holding back on prom the time to do It??

Never heard of the prom involving hotels: around here a nice dress and a lift to the venue from a parent is about as far as we stretch.

My DD is also very materialistic and is constantly scrounging , If she finds something she "needs" she is so persistent it's all I hear about and get multiple messages a day with pics of it and how much she needs it. Then it moves onto "everyone else has it" , currently it's a car and everyone else has a brand new one, she wants an Audi A1 😂, I have an old banger , there is no way she'll get one but she will talk of nothing else for months , it's tedious and I dread talking to her.

I think it has to be your choice what you pay for. A small amount of money for drinks may be reasonable - presumably she won't be able to buy alcohol as she's 17, so it shouldn't cost much for a couple of soft drinks and you wouldn't want her to go thirsty. Very often with teens its about compromising - I personally wouldn't pay for a spray tan, but I would pay for shoes to go with the dress.

If you can afford it comfortably, I'd set her a cash limit that she can apportion how she wants and make it clear that's the absolute limit.
It is a one of occasion, so I would be more lenient but whinging about how hard she has it, how unfair life is would make me reconsider

Thanks all - setting a limit is a good idea and she can budget/prioritise within that.
Sleeping - thanks. I am trying to get the balance right as it is a big deal and really important to her.
Running- same here! Audi A1. DDs friend got a brand new one with a private reg on the morni g of her 17th birthday before shed even had a lesson!! What is wrong with these people?

HA @ Audis i would actually laugh in Dds face if she asked for an Audi anyway teens can be materialistic and selfish they live in their bubble of mememe. Set limits and boundries and if they huff and puff they can pay for it themselves

I didn't believe DD that this actually happened but turns out it's true 😳! i just say I don't care what everyone else gets but she still tries CONSTANTLY.

When Dd1 was 17 it was new minis some of the kids were getting totally baffled me.

Many teens seem to be very materialistic, I think is the influence of all these you tubers, celebrities and people they follow in social media. My DS is the same, he's spends all his money on expensive branded clothes and trainers and doesn't seem to have any appreciation for the value of money. They seem to gauge their sense of self worth on how they look, what they wear, etc. It's really quite sad.

I would say no to paying for the hotel, you've already spent a lot of money on her prom. If she wants more she'll have to get a job. I do sympathise though, teens are hard work!

Oh it's such a thing now for teens to be excessively materialistic, ugh, I really feel for you. It is deeply unattractive and just plain depressing! Fully support your stance here, and hope that one day your daughter reviews her values!!

My teen of the same age is also materialistic and lost her first job. Since then I've given her no money at all and constantly repeated she needs a job. She's eventually got the message and now has a job and has stuck at it and is finally learning the value of money.

I did pay for her prom dress and accessories and said no to everything else and she managed to persuade other relatives etc and had her night. She knows I'm not a soft touch now as I said no for so long.

Now she's working I don't mind giving her money here and there.

Instead of unloving her, set some boundaries for her behaviour, then maybe she will be a little more loveable in time. Say no/fuck off/get real. If she wants these thins, she pays for them herself, simple as that. Even my 12/15 year olds understand that. I will pay a certain amount, anything above that, they have to fork out themselves. I'm very highly paid but through my own bloody hard work. This is such an important value that I want to instil into my kids so the only way they will get high-value things is to work for them. Simple as that. Let her bloody scream and tantrum. Tough shit.

Yes, this is the age to be letting realism set in - she can’t have everything everyone else has, or everything she wants - when she wants something material she will have to earn it by working and prioritise some things over others (like we all do). And if she wants good relationships, family or otherwise, then she needs to invest in them too by being pleasant and reasonable.

Somewhat reassuring to know it's not just me/us but slightly sad too that teens generally seem to be very materialistic. Her BF must have spent a fortune at Xmas- designer ear rings, perfume, Michael kors watch. Plus night in a suite at the Hilton and flowers etc for birthday. I think they think they are reality tv stars or something- or at least that they deserve the high life.

I'm so not - I remember pinching my mum's make up- DD would not come near my cheap stuff - has to be Mac, urban decay, Kat von D etc. On the posituve side, shes applied for 4 jobs this afternoon so fingers crossed something gets offered.