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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

SOn who hates me

7 replies

whittsend · 02/06/2018 22:18

My 14 ds has decided he wants to try living with father I’ve been nothing but accommodating for this to happen after his mock GCSEs as he has threatened it multiple times to get his own way each time before I’ve backed down pussy foot around and this time I’m not it’s been 4 weeks since I agreed he can go in 4 weeks time ! He’s spending every weekend at nans and they are turning him against me telling him all I’ve saud and manipulating him more ! Each time I talk to him he’s getting angrier and angrier and swearing at me and is literally looking for a fallout ! I’ve told him time and time again I’m not falling out with him he is always welcome home if/when he wants I’m respecting his wishes and feelings and that it’s fine for him to want to try the other way round and although I’m allowing it I’m not happy about it but will respect his wishes ! The more I’m nice the more he’s worse ! What does he want me to do beg plead and fight with him to ease his guilt and anger ! 4 more weeks I’ve got of this till he goes and each time he comes back after a weekend worse and worse towards me ! HELP !

OP posts:
Northernparent68 · 03/06/2018 03:55

Why not let him go now, I can see why you suggested after his exams but the current situation isn’t working, I doubt moving will be more disruptive than this arrangement.

Northernparent68 · 03/06/2018 03:56

I expect once you live separately you will get on better

user1483387154 · 03/06/2018 03:59

Let him go now. If he is getting more angry it's not going to help him with his exams

whittsend · 03/06/2018 11:38

It’s not me who said after his exams it was his dad and nan who wouldn’t allow it until after exams but it’s just getting increasingly difficult each time ! I’ve told him what ever he wants I’ll let him do to learn for himself and experience it and to just always know I’m not falling out with him and he can come home whenever he is wanting and ready !

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whittsend · 03/06/2018 11:41

He wants a fallout and a fight to make his guilt and decision easier !
He can’t go why loving me so has to hate me to go !

It’s awful he knows I’d do anything for him and I’m not giving him the fight and fallout because all I want is for him to be happy so whatever will do that he can do !

He’s old enough to make these decisions and will be stronger from them in the end !

He just needs to be true to himself and happy with his decision and not create more issues than there needs to be now !

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Caselgarcia · 03/06/2018 11:50

I'd make HIM make the decision. I'd say 'you obviously aren't happy living here with me, why don't you ask Dad/Nan if you can move in with them now?'
stay calm, make out you are concerned about his state of mind. I agree he is trying to engineer a fallout. Still calm and don't rise to the bait.

whittsend · 03/06/2018 14:12

I’ve told him if he doesn’t want to come home today and wants to live with either dad or nan from now then to talk with them and let me know what he decides either way I’ll support his decision! Not heard anything back as yet and he’s due home tonight so I’ll soon know his answer I suppose ! But I also said if he wishes to come hone he has to change his behaviour as I’m not having him upsetting the whole house for 4 weeks doing his exams ! So will have to see what happens tonight !

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