Teenage Son with Anxiety.... help!

[Irenee976]

Hello, my Son is 17 and the last month he's been suffering with anxiety. I'm trying my hardest to be there for him but it's hard trying to decipher what is the anxiety and what is him acting like a hormonal teenager who thinks the world owes him a living. I feel like I'm letting him down. Sorry of this seems a bit vague but I don't know how to explain it.

I'm 18 and I feel very anxious all the time to the point I'm crying everyday and I'm trying to see a doctor with no use. I've really found that when my mum talks softly and helps me do work or offers to go on a walk or a drive or watching my favourite show on the sofa together really helps. and sometimes just a hug and cry helps. I know this is going to sound crazy but also releasing burdens like telling them you'll tidy their room so they don't have to if they're having a bad day really helps because its one less thing to think about. Have you ever thought about taking him to a doctor? my doctor gave me a book called the 4 pillar plan to read which improves the other things in your life which could affect anxiety and thats stopped my panic attacks but I'm still trying to see a doctor to sort the rest. And remember this is so common in teens so theres always people his age he has speak to who know how he feels if he feels alone.

Thank you for your reply. He has counsilling starting next week and I'm hoping that will help xx

Thats really good, my friend has counselling and he hated it for weeks because he needed time to feel comfortable to open up properly. I wish you all the best with it, maybe ask his counsellor if she recommends any ways to help at home xx

"it's hard trying to decipher what is the anxiety and what is him acting like a hormonal teenager who thinks the world owes him a living."

I don't want to sound harsh (I have a 17 yo with anxiety who can barely get out of bed each day) but it's not up to you to judge how he feels and come up with a parent diagnosis. Your role is to listen and love him no matter what the root of his problem. Hormonal teenage feelings are real and valid on their own. Coupled with anxiety this places a huge burden on any young person. As thelittlebumblebee advises, be kind, and gentle, lift the burden of keeping up with 'normal' behaviour and family involvement. And encourage him to visit the doctor to talk through his difficulties.

I get what you are saying, but like I said in my original post it's hard to explain so I didn't really get my point across well. He's my Son and I love him unconditionally without a doubt. I've taken him to the Doctors, and the college advice. He has therapy coming up next week to help. We was up till half 4 talking last night. What I meant by the teenage hormones is it's difficult to stay calm and soothing on the occasions that he's treating me and others around him like a piece of poo. Is that anxiety or hormones, I'm not trying to do a parental diagnosis, however I will not be spoken to like dirt and treated like rubbish. I remember teenage hormones well... I was a grumpy moobag. I'm just trying to get my head round everything x

Ah that's a bit clearer Irenee976.
No, you shouldn't have to put up with rudeness or aggression or ...
I don't have this particular problem (DS wouldn't say boo to a goose), but perhaps when he kicks off you could calmly state that you will not engage with him until he calms down and speaks civilly to you (and anyone else). Then walk away.
It's the walking away that has saved my sanity on many occasions. I would plan what I wanted to say to DS, go to his room, calmly and clearly state 'it' and then just walk away. I would hear him arguing back as I walked down the stairs and out of ear shot - yadayadayada but but but!
DS finally learned that if he had anything to say he would have to come and look for me and communicate properly.
Don't know if this helps. They're all different and family dynamics are also very different. But again, you shouldn't have to put up with abusive language or behaviour and it's not good for him to get into the habit of it either.

Our 15 year old DS is also an anxious boy. We find when he's got a lot on and starts to feel out of control the anxiety worsens ten fold. Sitting with him and actually writing a staged plan with breaks and nice stuff always helps him. Also Dr Guy Meadows Good Sleep Guide book has always been a great assistance with disturbed sleep.
Stress relieving skateboard and swagger scooter also excellent.

Thanks everyone for your replys. This parenting malarkey is stressful isn't It! Lol gotta laugh or I'll cry xxx

Encourage him to have good sleep hygiene - it's very common for anxiety to affect sleep. Activity is also good, but again can be difficult if he wants to take to his bed.
The counselling sounds good.
Try to be calm and relaxed (or at least appear so!) when his anxiety is affecting him, which is easier said than done I know.
There are some good books out there which will help you and him understand how anxiety can affect you.

Spending time with mates is also good ...instills perspective which these kids often lack.