DD Caught Sexting ? How best to handle ?

[LivingInLaLaLand]

I've name changed for this to protect DD, but I'm a long time MNer, Pom bears, penis beaker, naice ham etc

Ive caught DD out sharing what to us are pretty racy photos, not the first time & worse than previous, especially given her age (15) to DD it's no big deal & no worse than a bikini shot. She's so good in other ways that I'm reeling a bit tbh & feel I've failed as a parent & also really not getting where she is coming from as she sees us as old out of touch fuddy duddies & seems to see it as empowering, yet when asked "do you think strange boys playing with themselves over your photos is flattering, I got a very horrified "or course it's not" she's cutting her head off in the images, but they are clearly identifying as her, racy cleavage & ass in lacey lingerie shots. Shots aren't fully revealing, but are clearly set up to tease with things gripped or dripped in her cleavage etc

I had a feeling something was off & when noseying in her social media accounts, found a chat between her & a Male same age friend, where he has sent her photos from his "wank bank" she's shocked that one photo is a headless DD & Oh my god, where did you get that. NN used I don't know, but the gist of it is that DD has sent it to someone who has shared it on.

She's only had one boyfriend & that ended last summer when he moved abroad, another lad has strung her along for a few months with dates that didn't materialise into boyfriend girlfriend, so she got fed up & ended it a few months back. She's actually really fussy & doesn't like many lads, which makes this even weirder to understand. She gets fed up that she gets a lot of hassle from what she calls "fuck boys" messages asking for photos & trying to chat her up in school etc & she won't have any of it. She really isn't likely to have been pressurised into doing this as she's very strong minded. Reality is, it looks very much like she knows what she is doing & is being a little tease,

Snapchat will go for sure after this as she clearly can't be trusted, but WTAF, she's a very beautiful young woman with a stunning figure, she's mature, very bright, she's feisty as hell. She doesn't need to do this to get boys attention, she doesn't even want their attention & is shy when she does like someone, it's seems to be more of a pee take power game, but one I can see her loosing.

Big chats when she gets in this evening, but any advice bar reading her the right act, reminding her of the law & delete Snapchat for good. I need to get through to her, as I clearly haven't in the past

Well you’re not living in LaLaLand, but their teenage world is about as far removed from ours as you can get. I’ve got a dd aged 15 and been through various trials and tribulations with her over the last 2 years. What I will say is there is little point IME in deleting Snapchat because they just find a new platform. She will remain theee steps ahead of you with Social Media.

I have the same shocking reaction to my dd’s pics but dd, like yours, thinks there’s nothing much wrong. Like yours my dd knows chapter-and-verse about the law, the sex offender’s register, its implications, etc. She has had it all from me, her dad, school. It’s the same across the board. The only conclusion I have come to is that they are pretty much all seeing these images or posting them. And that is borne out by the statistics that show this is now very much normalised among our teens. By age 13 or 14 I think the vast majority of teens are exposed or doing the sharing. I know I will invite the pearl clutchers with this but I try and remain calm and tell her that she is responsible for what happens and that she is of an age of criminal responsibility and so the onus is on her. Try not to panic, keep dialogues open. This is happening everywhere. Have a calm conversation if you can. Don’t know what I’m suggesting really I’m just trying to give you some reassurance that this is so commonplace.

I registered to make a post about almost the same problem (not really "sexting" just social media sharing, though). Except my DD is 16, so I feel even less willing to say anything. My story is almost the same: great looking girl who had a boyfriend for a while but now doesn't seem to be interested to the point where any male attention just seems to annoy her (or at least that's how it comes across). Me and DH have always kind of deliberately ignored our kids activities on social media partyl because we think they deserve a bit of privacy from us and partly because we don't want to know basically, but we know they know how to be safe and know the risks. I realize some may raise their eyebrow at "deliberately ignore" but trust me we are really sure they know the law and the risks and can handle themselves.

Long story short, I stumbled upon her instagram and was, er, unnerved by some of it.

She looks sensational in her photos and I'm delighted she is so confident. Most of her pictures arent really racy but good lord, A LOT of them are. She doesnt seem to be doing any deliberate "tease" stuff thankfully and I cant really say that she seems to be taking pictures with men in mind, but some of it is really on the line to be honest. While most of the comments she gets are from other girls and are just compliments, some of them are from boys/men and are unsettling (DD seems to be an expert in rebuffing unwanted male attention, so i would imagine it doesn't bother her, but I can't be sure)

It's not now that's the problem with these things, its the future. If kids want to express themselves when they're 13-17 by posting pictures on instagram thats fine, it's just that that stuff could hang around the internet FOREVER. If they feel that to express themselves like that is fine now, but are they going to think the same in 5 years, in 10 years?

I have no real idea what she's up to on other social media. I'd tell her to make her instagram private but that I'm sure that would defeat the point of it because she couldn't get more likes/followers, and really I dont understand why she's so obsessed with that.