13 year old DD with boyfriend.

[molliepops01]

my 13 year old (nearly 14) DD has a boyfriend she has been seeing for a month or so. All very sweet normal teenage relationship. She goes round to his house and he has been round ours. Hubby wasn’t too happy with them going upstairs to the bedroom so we adopted a keep the door open door. Today, hubby went upstairs to find the door closed- made a point of opening it and reminding the rules. Hubby then walked past and saw them cuddling on the bed (there is no where else for them to sit in fairness). Anyway he wasn’t happy and made a bit of a scene- raising his voice and ordering them downstairs. He now says they are not allowed upstairs again.
I do think he could have handled it a bit better by telling me and letting me go and tell them to come downstairs . I am interested to see how others deal with this situation? Are we being too strict keeping them downstairs? Are we being too trystingbletting thennupsatirs?
Have spoken to dd whonis angry at the situation saying it’s unfair and Wants to be trusted. I said i understood she was embarrassed and frustrated but the rules were to keep the door open and she didn’t therefore she broke the rules.
Any advice?!

Personally I think 13 is still too young for a girl to be with her boyfriend in an upstairs bedroom with the door closed. I wouldn't let my daughter do it. They did break the rule as well so that would matter to me. I would make them stay downstairs for a few weeks until you have made your point.

I agree with your husband on this one they are still too young. They know the rule is to keep a open door and they broke their one rule so they'll just have to stay downstairs for a while with you and your DH keeping a watchful eye on them!

Cuddling on the bed is nothing if there's nowhere else for them to sit... 13 is not too young to be in room.

My grandparents had the "not in your room" rule with me and it just meant I never invited a boy home, ever. I was to embarrassed to have to sit there with the family around, not being able to "be ourselves" and talk freely etc.

I wouldn't even bring my friends (girls) home with me, because although they were allowed in my room, family could still hear convo due to thin walls. No way. Not happening.

He could have handled it better like you said. They were cuddling not having sex. Gentle reminders about the rules, if they keep getting broken then it’s time to get strict, when your DD is alone.

Wait - they broke the rule once but your husband let it go with a reminder, and THEN got angry and sent them downstairs the second time he passed because they were there cuddling with the door open, as per your rules?

If that's the case, then I do think it's pretty unfair, unless you had also made it clear that cuddling was not allowed.

It's fine to have whatever rules you have – door or no door, cuddles or no cuddles – but if they haven't been clearly communicated and adhered to on both sides, you're setting yourself up for sneakiness later on...

Thabks all. I see both sides of it and if I’m honest because I have been having open chats to her about sex and what to do when the time is right, I am a bit more in the loop then hubby. I explained to her he was probably just angry and surprised that his little girl is growing up and didn’t quite know how to deal with it.
That said, initially they did break the rules re: door spnindont think it’s unfair that they have to spend a few weeks downstairs.
I also think ladybee has a point; we never actually said no cudddling or touching I think we just assumed that having an open door would stop that (now I am typing it I can see how ridiculous that sounds😂😂) when the time comes for them to be out of sight I think we should clarify the rules.

Sorry that should say only fair not unfair! Trying to type whilst feeding a newborn!! X