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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Living with teenagers - Saturday Guardian supplement

19 replies

matilda57 · 19/05/2007 10:51

Sorry, I'm new here so don't know if yous have endlessly discussed this column? I find it invaluable and look forward every week to reading it. Nothing like finding out you're not the only one...

OP posts:

winnie · 19/05/2007 10:53

matilda, I love this column too and yes it is truly reasuring to know that you are not alone Welcome to MN

RustyBear · 19/05/2007 10:57

matilda57 - are you trying to make us endlessly discuss this column? You've posted this thread 4 times.....

Sorry, couldn't resist - welcome to MN anyway - nice to see someone else my age -amongst all these children who post on here How old are your teenagers? Mine are 19(DS) & 17(DD).

Christie · 19/05/2007 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder · 19/05/2007 11:46

I nedd this book esp this weekend.Ds is 13

WendyWeber · 19/05/2007 13:24

Living with teenagers

I loathe this family and want to smack all 3 children and, most of all, the mother. (The father has a bit of common sense.) I'm on my 4th teenager and our house is nothing like it

WendyWeber · 19/05/2007 13:31

Thread I started when column began last year - and the situation hasn't apparently improved after 12 months - obviously the kids are relishing the publicity and possibly being encouraged, if not actually bribed, to provide their mother with material every week

themoon66 · 19/05/2007 13:56

Welcome Matilda. Another mum with older kids here too... mine are a DD aged 20 and a DS aged 15.

mumblechum · 21/05/2007 12:19

Just found this column.

I don't believe it can be real. I know teenagers can be stroppy little gits at times, but if my ds told me to f* off his feet wouldn't touch the ground.

Luckily I have a big (soft, but looks like Carlos on Desperate Housewives) dh who wouldn't stand for it.

It must be one of those columns like Bridget Jones which is pure fiction.

Freckle · 21/05/2007 12:24

I've always been amazed at the language of the children and the parents' acceptance of it. If my children ever spoke to either of us like that, they would find themselves on the end of a very sharp punishment.

dinosaur · 21/05/2007 12:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Freckle · 21/05/2007 12:47

Well, the older two do occasionally try to get away with some risky language, but do know that they have to accept the consequences. DS1 keeps insisting that he doesn't swear, but was rather caught out when he yelled out "You're an arsehole" in his sleep one night!

He didn't get into trouble for that one.

I do accept that teenagers are going to use bad language, but it is really our job as parents to teach them to respect other people's feelings about them. E.g., some people don't worry about "Oh my god", but my parents are church-going Christians and find it very objectionable. So I have taught the boys that they mustn't use that phrase as it upsets some people. Hopefully, they will take on board what we say and eventually realise that swearing really isn't that clever.

Having said that, I was driving the two younger ones to school today in my parents' car, which I'm not used to. Just as I pulled out of our road onto an A road, I stalled the car and instantly said "Oh bugger", rapidly followed by "Pardon my French". DS3 (9 tomorrow) wanted to know what it was French for .

mumblechum · 21/05/2007 13:31

Freckle

Original poster

matilda57 · 25/05/2007 14:59

Hello all - I didn't know this post had 'taken' but it seems it did LOL.

Freckle my parents are the same (Christians) and my kids have to really watch what they say around g'parents: DEF no swearing (my mum would faint) and also no 'omg's.

The swearing in this column makes me wince, but tbh I'd rather my kids said fuck a few times than smashed up the piano. Not that they've ever actually smashed up the actual piano...

Winnie I love you honey - shall we start a support group? When I found this column I fell on it, just so grateful that someone had the strength to raise her head above the torment to actually write something. IMO you either recognise this family or you don't: when you do, it is a soothing balm that not only aren't you the only one, but things aren't QUITE so bad (that's what I tell myself anyway). If you don't recognise it then the day may come when you do, though you never EVER thought you would. Someone on one of my other threads (10,000 of them by one person's account) asked if I was the writer. Like I'd be into self-promotion on that level, but it certainly could be me writing that, a few details slightly different. It gets me out of the house on a Saturday morning anyway, trotting up the road to the newsagents which has got to be a good thing? If I looked back there would be smoke seeping out of the roof and demons - dense, black - popping out the windows, in mortal combat.

OP posts:

MaPickle · 25/05/2007 15:07

I read it. It makes me feel very depressed. It must be exaggerated .. surely ...
(weeps into settee at thought of DS growing up)

Original poster

matilda57 · 25/05/2007 23:31

aww don't worry Ma, it happens slowly enough so you get used to it

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floaty · 29/05/2007 09:07

Mumblechum,just out of interest when you sid that your ds's feet wouldn't hot the ground ,what actually would you do.Just asking as I am just entering this phase and although ds(13) is usually delightfula dn great comapny adn does still give me lots of hugs we have recently had a few swearing moments or otherrs anda I am struggling to find effective ways to invoke sanctions especially with 2 other ds in the house.

mumblechum · 29/05/2007 22:07

So far, as in your case, the worst is just things like requests being put out like demands. I usually handle them myself, eg telling him that I don't feel respected when he speaks to me in that way, and though there's a bit of eyerolling, he will then say sorry.

Once, he was really quite rude to me (can't remember what avbout now), and my dh saw that I was on the verge of tears and told my ds that he had to treat me with respect and apologise immediately.

Our ds certainly respects his dad, and wouldn't dream of giving him any backchat, so it's good to know I have backup if I need it.

elasticbandstand · 29/05/2007 22:12

i like to read it but am at the swearing. no teenagers yet, but feel i wouldnt allow it. her husband seems supportive. don;t know how we will last those teenage years.

Original poster

matilda57 · 02/06/2007 09:54

I don't think the husband sounds supportive at all tbh. It sounds like Mother is the one who gets it in the neck from everybody, including the husband.

As for what to do with teens who misbehave - sanctions is the answer floaty! Work out what means the most to them, grade it, and work out the sanction that fits the crime. It took me a while to get this perfected, but the absolute top top topmost sanction is a screen ban (ban on all screens eg pc, ps2, tv), which works a treat, but is powerful, so I have to use it sparingly or ds will get too disheartened.

I also get my kids (demand) to apologise when they have been rude or disrespectful. What I'm thinking now is that my bottom line is that they SHOW me respect, I can't make them have it iyswim.

OP posts:

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