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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Long summer break after GCSEs

12 replies

DoNotBringLulu · 27/05/2018 14:11

My ds is socially anxious, says he only has acquaintances in school and is excluded from his Dungeons & Dragons group, the only occasion when he met socially with others. He hasn't fallen out with anyone but the boy who runs the group just wants other people there and not him, I have no idea why. He says he is not applying for any work as he cant stand the thought of it after the hard work and stress of GCSEs (he is year11 and taking them at the moment).

I am going to try and persuade him to do NCS but I dont think he will go for it as he won't do any sport. He has issues there due to dyspraxic tendencies and strugglng with coordination. He cannot ride a bike. Ds refuses to ask anybody to meet up due to fear of them saying no, and the kids he hangs around with meet up without him, he is not asked to join them.

He is worried about sitting around being bored over the summer and sad that he thinks he is the only one not meeting up with friends. He is going to his Prom though.

Does anybody have dc like my ds and any ideas about suggestions I could put in front of him?

OP posts:

chocolateworshipper · 27/05/2018 17:16

Would he do some voluntary work? DD suffers badly with anxiety and is socially awkward, but she really enjoyed volunteering at the library after GCSEs - she enjoyed helping out with young kids coming in for reading or craft activities, and managed to make friends with a couple of other volunteers who were on the quiet side compared to a lot of teens her age

nipersvest · 27/05/2018 17:22

my dd is doing her gcse's now too, we signed up for NCS but she's changed her mind and is now not keen, am not going to push her into it either, it's a great thing to do but flip side is its a month of quite full on activites, after all the exams I now feel she deserves a bit of a break.

What she has done is got a saturday job, local restaurant, she helps in the kitchen and they've offered her more hours over the summer. She much prefers being hidden away in the kitchen that working front of house. She feels she's too clumsy to be serving customers, so kitchen work suits better. Would he consider something like that? The wages certainly enticed my dd, it took them a while to sort paying so she got 7 weeks in a lump sum, almost £200, she was over the moon, is now saving to go towards driving lessons next year.

Original poster

DoNotBringLulu · 27/05/2018 18:08

Thanks for replies.

chocolate Voluntary work in the library is a great idea, I'll mention that to him; I know someone who works in the library too..

nipers I don't think he will go for NCS I can understand he will feel it's full on. Nice to hear about your dd's job....it goes to show there's more out there than working on the tills in Sainsbury. My ds has lost some perspective at the moment and he says he doesn't spend any money no motivation to get a job. I am hoping he will feel differently after these mad full on GCSEs are over; he loved a school trip to Iceland earlier on in the year and said he wanted to live a frugal life and spend all his money on travelling....

OP posts:

Teenmum60 · 28/05/2018 08:34

Definitely, agree with getting your DS involved with voluntary work of some kind ...it increases their self-worth and boosts their confidence.

DD has a small friendship group within the school but I would tend to say that it has more of a negative effect on DD than positive (usual girl bitchiness). She started helping out at Brownies (young leader) and she loves it - all these 7-10 years olds who look up to her...they also run camps throughout the summer...

Have a look at this site - they tend to have a variety of volunteer jobs and hopefully, there will be something of interest that will help boost his self-confidence.

vinspired.com/

Original poster

DoNotBringLulu · 28/05/2018 18:58

Teen thanks for the link. I hope your dd finds a nicer group of friends at 6th form.

OP posts:

LadyLance · 28/05/2018 19:20

Is there a Games Workshop or similar type shop near you? I think these sometimes run various table top/trading card game sessions that if he likes Dungeons and Dragons could also appeal.

Has he got any idea about what he wants to do in the future? Could he look for a week or two of work experience in that field? Or something related to his uni course of choice? Also, point out that most graduate jobs want people to have some work experience on your CV (this might be a conversation for after GCSEs rather than the middle of them).

AlbusPercival · 28/05/2018 19:23

Bless him
He sounds like my now DH.

I was also going to suggest going into local
Gaming shop and seeing what games they have on

Cornishmumofone · 28/05/2018 19:29

Is your son planning to go to college? He could find some interesting courses on FutureLearn that link with his planned A-levels or intended career.

GreenTulips · 28/05/2018 19:32

We have this here with one boy in my sons groups - the boys arrange to meet and set a time/place

The boy in questions moans he 'hasn't been invited' because there was no invite! Turn up and play out to hang out!!! He has to realise that they just meet, go or don't go -

Could this be it?

JustDanceAddict · 01/06/2018 08:33

MyvDD is doing NCS and then we’re going in holiday as a family. She starts NCS beg of July so has 3 weeks after GCSEs to decompress. She has a few bits on inbetween -but not loads. She won’t be partying every night as she’s not on that scene and has a small group of friends.
Green - There’s no ‘random’ meets here, everything is arranged by WhatsApp so you’re either invited or not!!

Surelyyoudontmeanthat · 01/06/2018 08:47

Agree with all the people suggesting work experience/volunteering/a part time job. Although ideally in an area that he's interested in, I think it can be rewarding to do more or less anything at this stage.

I think the length of time NCS is does put some of the dteens off - it is a large chunk of the holiday (I wouldn't have wanted to give up that much valuable free time!), but the upside is that you do meet a lot of new people. Does NCS have to involve sport - I thought there were different 'types'.

What is your ds planning to do next btw? If the current plan is to stay at school has he thought about changing 6th form, or going to college instead - he might meet a new group of people there. Though i realise if he has anxiety it's not that easy.
The other thing I'd say is - can you and your family do some things with him - cinema, concerts, weekends away maybe? Rather than trying to make his social group 'work', sometimes there is something to be said for retreating into reliable family members for a while!

bookmum08 · 01/06/2018 09:19

Has he looked on the Meetup website to find any groups for fans of D&D or similar? Meetup is aimed at adults but depending on the group he could go at age 16 (if needs be you can go along for the first few meetups). He might enjoy the chance to get involved with a D&D group that doesn't have the petty 'bitchyness' of teen groups. It could open up his world to what else is out there!

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