is my teenage boy a git?

[matilda57]

Ds started GCSEs a few days ago, and has been an absolute SHIT since. Incredibly rude, hostile, snappy etc. Today I asked him, slightly tongue in cheek, if he had any idea why he had been behaving so badly, perhaps he could let me in on it? He said 'I've got too much on my plate to be thinking about you and your feelings'

To which I said he was a patronising git, and shouted a bit.

I said (I'm a single parent btw) 'would you say that to Mr Rodgers, your housemaster?'. To which he said he would. I don't think so. He just doesn't respect me at all, acts like he's doing me a favour at best, horrible and contemptuous at worst. Am I being horrible? I can put up with him being horrible tbh, but it's the patronising that does my head in - I just don't know how to deal with it. Do teenage boys patronise their mothers, particularly if there isn't a dad around to say 'OI!'

No, he's not he is just a teenager! My dd has started hers too and I think it is such a shock to the system that I think maybe they are overreacting to the thought of all that work over the next 2 years. Sorry that's not much help. Hopefully someone can come and give more experience.xx

Well at least he's worried about the work and the studying involved!

My son (he's almost 17 now) didn't give a flying f*ck about his GCSEs and exams, which showed in his final grades, which were appalling to say the least.

I do think it's a shock to their system and agree with CLD about them suddenly going into "oh f*ck!!!" mode about how much they have to do over the next couple of years. It's a lot of pressure for kids to take on - i certainly wouldn't be able to cope with it, even at my age!!

I was also a single parent up until just over a year ago so i know what you're going through. I just made sure i was still tough on my boy to let him know who was boss around the house and rudeness and backchat was simply not tolerated!!

i dont think you're being horrible, but i do think you need to (continue to) show him who's boss so he snaps out of it the rudeness and shows you some respect, IYSWIM.

I do think sometimes people can use the "he's just a teenager" excuse too often (not saying that that's what you've done CLD) and let them get away with too much simply because "they're just being a teenager".

All kids need boundaries whatever their age and I think that by showing him that despite his GCSEs, he still has to have boundaries, it will hopefully remind him that although things are stressy at school, things are still "normal" at home and he knows exactly where the land lies there.

Sorry for the long reply and I do hope i haven't offended anyone with my bluntness!

No, he's not. There are times when mine think they have the world on their shoulders when they come under pressure. If you talk it over when the moment has passed and they are a bit more relaxed we find we get a better response than pulling for them for it at the time, which just seems to inflame the situation. Keep talking when the opportunity arises and walk away when they are doing the self-centred bit.
Not just teenage boys, girls do it too. And not just in single parent families although I can see it might be more difficult to deal with on your own. I found it very helpful having someone smooth my ruffled feelings. It's normal but it's really upsetting at times and it helps to have someone to talk to.

I have one of 18 and one of 14 - boys that is - and they can both be patronising gits on occasion, without the excuse of GCSE pressure, and their dad is here (and sometimes says oi )

I agree with juuule that it helps enormously to have someone to share it with (even if it's just rolling your eyes behind the kid's back). Also that girls do it too. 'This too shall pass' - good luck in the meantime!

Just to say - my teens are ds17,dd15,ds14. My eldest ds turned 20 last month so is just out of teendom but I've got a dd12 waiting in the wings.

I told him I was sorry for shouting (I think it hurt him tbh - he looked a bit wounded ). I suppose it threatened me tbh. He does do this pat on the head thing - o-k MOTHER! - like I'm a caricature. He goes to a private school (for the last 3 years) and they do seem to have an alarming view of women. I just need to stand tall in myself methinks - which means I don't actually have to say much LOL. Thanks for advice all. Poor you juuule having all those at once (GULP). RG you didn't offend me, at least, at all. I do like a bit of bluntness me (if that's what it was)..

They do also seem to have an inbuilt radar for knowing which buttons to push and when, don't they. However, the good side of this is when you point out that you really were hurt by something they know exactly what you are talking about. And they do have their own vulnerabilities as your ds has shown. Just sometimes they seem to think we as parents have no feelings and can't be hurt. They can be lovely when they want to be

My DS was really very nice to me in his teenage years - he quite realised that it wasn't my fault I was so thick/old-fashioned/embarrassing/inefficient and he tried very hard to ignore me as much as possible. When he had to communicate with me he was really very kind and would explain very patiently to me exactly how to suck my eggs.

At one point I had girls of 19 and 16 and boys of 13 and 8...it used to get very shouty here sometimes

The girls have both left home now and it is more peaceful (IME teenage girls can be far more obnoxious than teenage boys, if it helps?)

Matilda - Glad i didn't offend. Sometimes teenagers do my head in (my son especially) lol.

My son also used to pat my head in a "there-there mother" way which used to infuriate me too. Nothing much you can do about that really other than say "do you mind?" and give them "the look"

I do agree that talking to someone helps too so if you can have a whinge to a mate etc then more's the better!

Hope you get on OK Matilda. i'd be interested to know how you're getting on a few weeks down the line......

this might sound a bit weird, but does anyone else think that having teenagers is a bit like revisiting the toddler stage? ie frustration, because they're torn between being children and adults (vs baby and older child with toddlers) Also that the toddler taming techniques work for teenagers too(praise the good bits - like making Mum a cuppa or helping little sister and ignoring the bad bits like having a strop/being on detention AGAIN) not much different to pooing on the carpet vs weeing in the toilet that we had with toddlers???

good point lilolil! LOL

I shall ignore the vileness (lots of) and praise the loveliness (sparse). I think they do get hurt by the strong reactions to their horribleness - apparently ds was grumpy all night out that night bcs he was hurt. I was going to text him to say sorry for shouting but I thought he'd think it was weak of me, so I told him when he came in. I wished I'd texted him!