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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Mid teens - what do you do when you disagree about holidays?

17 replies

Dancergirl · 23/05/2018 17:48

Have just had a row with my 15 year old dd. We are booked to go on a European city break 4 nights Friday - Tuesday for half term. She's moaning that it doesn't leave enough of half term to see her friends and do other things. Wednesday she has a long-standing arrangement with dh so that leaves Thur-Sun before she goes back to school.

We did discuss the trip with her and she seemed keen to go.

Oldest dd is 17 and not keen on going at all! She's away at boarding school and wants to be at home for the week.

Dh suggested to me that if we can change their eurostar tickets they could maybe come back a day or two earlier than us which seems like a good compromise.

When did you first leave your teens overnight by themselves? They are sensible girls but not particularly street-wise.

I wonder if this is the start of them not wanting to come away with us?

OP posts:

sam235corner · 23/05/2018 17:53

This seems to be a very common problem. Our 16 year old was supposed to be coming away with my husband and I for a 10 day holiday. Very obvious months ago he didn't want to go so my parents are coming to stay every other night or so. Legally you can leave a 16 year old for 2 nights on their own. I'm not sure about 15/17 year olds. I'm sure a night or two on their own wouldn't hurt and would be good for them to fend for themselves.

scurryfunge · 23/05/2018 17:55

At seventeen it's fine though I doubt my DS would have been mature enough at fifteen. He reluctantly came away with us in the late teenage years but we often took one of his friends with us which seemed a good compromise.
Holidays with parents at that age can be boring ( though a Caribbean trip usually appealed ).

Original poster

Dancergirl · 23/05/2018 17:58

Thank you, it's a tricky in-between age isn't it?

The other issue is that my youngest dd (11) really misses her older sister when she's away at school and likes being with her during the school holidays. Think dd3 would be really bored on holiday with just me and dh!

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KnownUnknowns · 23/05/2018 18:52

We have been told off for doing this. We are going away for the entire week and they (14) are annoyed that they don't have enough time to study and hang out with their friends. It's tough luck really as it's too late to change arrangements now. We will ask them in future though because it's no holiday for anyone when half the party are miserable.

Frax · 23/05/2018 19:11

We always chose holidays almost entirely for them and that worked really. If they wanted an AI pool holiday DH and I were content to do the same. If they didn't want to go away at Easter / May because of exams then we didn't.
We never did sightseeing until they were older teens and then in small doses. They are both coming away with us for a week this summer and they are now in their 20s. They will obviously do other trips as well.

I think 15 is too young to leave for more than a night.especially if you are abroad.

KnownUnknowns · 23/05/2018 19:37

We always chose holidays almost entirely for them and that worked really To be clear when I said we'd ask them, I didn't mean this!
I meant we'd compromise - maybe a week in a beach location and a week in a city. But they have learned to enjoy cities as much as we do, we are careful not to overdo the museums and art galleries but it's everyone's holiday, no way do their views trump ours, but their views are important - they knew about the holiday coming up - they just hadn't thought through the implications which they regretted a bit.

lljkk · 23/05/2018 20:12

We did discuss the trip with her and she seemed keen to go.

That makes it non-negotiable. I do say to DC when presenting a plan they say they'll agree to: you cannot change your mind later unless you're stuck in hospital or I am.

We have few breaks, though. DC have yet to turn anything down. Maybe the scarcity of travel makes it more appealing. 15yo DD was allowed to lurk around the holiday flat all day last year, too, while rest of us were out & about. So holiday was customised to tastes.

Original poster

Dancergirl · 23/05/2018 20:42

Well to be fair, we had a brief discussion with the 15 year old, I think it's the length of time she's objecting to rather than the trip itself.

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NameyMcNamechangeface · 23/05/2018 20:53

Why did you book a holiday for them all? None of them seem very keen on going - in fact seem pretty keen on staying at home - so I'm not really clear on why you booked a holiday in the first place?

Original poster

Dancergirl · 23/05/2018 21:04

I'm not sure tbh namey It all happened quite quickly. We did discuss it with the 15 year old (briefly) but not the details. And dh and I really wanted to go!

We've had many successful family city breaks even when they were younger. We chose places where there was plenty of things they would enjoy doing, lots of nice meals out, bit of shopping, wifi in the hotel etc. We do try and take their wishes into consideration.

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BigSandyBalls2015 · 24/05/2018 15:31

I think at 15 and 17 they should be fine coming back a bit early and being on their own for a night or two, esp as you say they're sensible and unlikely to have parties or leave the place unlocked etc.

It's tricky at this age. We get round it by going away with friends and their teens. Mine are still keen to do that.

Keehar256 · 25/05/2018 10:48

I asked DD15 if she wanted to come with us on holiday this year. She said she'd rather stay at home and see her mates. So we're going alone, changed it to during term time, saved a fortune, she's going to stay with grandparents while we're away. Happy days.

Frax · 25/05/2018 11:11

Perhaps it's different for an only child or siblings with big age gap?
My two boys are close in age and always got on well. Friends with onlys often take a friend or choose holidays such as Neilson where there are large numbers of teens doing activities together.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 25/05/2018 11:21

I think 15 is a bit young to leave, 17 year old will be fine to travel back alone etc. But at 15 i'd want them to be staying with someone e.g grandparent.
I would have loved a city break at that age, but I can't sort of see why they don't. It's sad so many teens dont want to, they won't be getting free holidays forever! And it gives a nice topic of conversation, show off a bit

Original poster

Dancergirl · 25/05/2018 12:46

Well after all that, they are coming for all of it!

I suggested the option of them coming home a day or two early which was met by a resounding NO! Plus it will be complicated to start changing 2 of the 5 return journeys home.

17 year old said she was in two minds about it but on balance would rather go than not go

Will make sure any future holiday plans are discussed properly next time.

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NameyMcNamechangeface · 25/05/2018 16:32

I'm glad they're up for it now, Dancer.

I think they're a bit old for assuming they'll want to go away with you - my 15 year old is generally quite reluctant to go away, and her idea of an enjoyable holiday probably wouldn't match ours now. I guess that only applies if you've got someone to leave the 15 yr old with, and could trust the 17 yr old not to have a party in your absence! I wouldn't book a holiday without protracted negotiations discussing it with DD first; I'd be pretty annoyed if DP signed me up to a holiday I hadn't had a hand in planning, so I wouldn't do it to older teens.

Hope you all have a good time now that they're on board with the idea.

HRTpatch · 25/05/2018 16:34

We left ours at 16. She didnt want to come, and was happy at home for a week with some money and a full fridge.

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