15 year old not doing schoolwork- teachers worried- how do I sort him out?

[evenhope]

DS3 is 15 and Y10. His English teacher just rang to say she is really worried about him. He has "lost" his Anthology, so has no notes, won't make paper notes, never has any of his other books, doesn't hand in coursework and in class just mucks about "cutting up bits of paper" and talking. She says she has moved him and he talks and mucks about whoever he is next to. Basically he doesn't seem to care.

I've spoken to him about this before and he assures me he is doing the work etc. I either get the Am I Bovvered routine, or else he screams and shouts and slams doors and says I'm always against him. We've had no end of letters from the Food Tech teacher about no homework/ coursework as well. He says she "doesn't like him" which I have told him is just an excuse.

DH doesn't seem to think it's a big deal and says it's up to the teacher(s) to sort out, especially the "in class" problems. This I fear may be one of the problems- that he realises his father isn't bothered (and DS'll do anything to wind me up).

I've told the teacher I will look for the missing books and make sure he has them, but what else can I do? He doesn't get pocket money so I can't stop that. If I ban him from the computer he won't watch his dog, so that backfires on me (computer and dog live in same room). He only goes out (to friend's houses and next door) occasionally at weekends. The only thing he does is guitar lessons which I really don't want to stop him doing because I'm pleased he does something.

I can't get through to him at all, and he's obviously spinning me lies about what is going on. I'm tempted to just let him fail. (my brother was exactly the same but managed after many years to set himself up in computers and now earns megabucks, but I don't think DS3 has the same level of talent in anything to do the same)

In the grand scheme of things it's not really important in that he's not disappearing all night or doing drugs, but it's frustrating. Any ideas?

Sorry, no real experience of this (yet!-watch this space!) but hopefully someone, maybe Moon 66 will have advice soon.

Do you think maybe it's a personality clash with the English teacher?

Does the teacher think he's basically capable but not applying himself, or genuinely struggling?

I think I'd be phoning the school to set up a meeting with the English teacher, learning mentor and anyone else you think relevant. I'd also involve your son in at least part of the meeting.

Good luck.

Set up meeting with Head of Year and ask him/her to get reports from all DS's teachers.

Thanks for those responses. It may be a personality clash with the English teacher but I have a feeling he's clashing with most of his teachers...

As far as we can tell he is more than capable but just lazy.

Maybe point out to him that at 16 he will be working in tesco. I am sure he "won't be bothered" on the surface. so maybe try to get him some holiday work where he has to get up at 7 am and isn't back hom til 6pm for crap money becuase he is only 15.

unfortunatley, getting him a job at 15 will prove difficult unless you have a family friend who could posssibly help you out.

He's come home from school and slunk upstairs without seeing me, little sod.

ripax, it's almost impossible to find work here before 16- no, correction, not almost, just not do-able

aaarrrggghhh!!!! Just Had Words. He says the teacher is lying and he hates her and isn't going to do English anymore. Then got the tirade about how I believe them and not him. Did point out to him that it seems odd to me that two teachers would be lying, but full tantrum mode. He handed over the Anthology and there are notes in it. Hmm. Made him give me his homework diary and there are notes about detentions etc, mainly from food tech. There is also a squiggle in the parents signature box every week that resembles DHs signature very slightly... but isn't of course. What is the point in asking the parent to sign page one if they aren't going to check- it should be my signature but of course he can't copy mine.

I will ring the school on Monday (why do these things always happen on Fridays?) and make an appointment to see the Deputy Head plus the English teacher.

(DH now saying perhaps DS can't do it. I will have to insist he comes too I think, since he obviously isn't backing me on this one- why doesn't that surprise me?!)

Evenhope, my 15 yo sounds very similar. I've been getting calls from teachers. He messes all the time and isn't motivated and does the bare minimum.
He doesn't see his dad much and his stepdad isn't great with him....
I've been so preoccupied with pregnancy and new baby but now I'm on his back. I've told him that I am going to nag him, threaten and bribe him.
In the end he may do badly and have to repeat, but not if I can help it! I just hope he will eventually find some self motivation.
Anyway I know just how you feel!

Set up a meeting with HOY and get him put on report. I would think that there may well be issues in lots of lessons.

You need to put in a series of sanctions if he misbehaves, and rewards (not big ones) if he bahves.

You need to get together with the school on this one, and make sure that you are all working by the same rules, and that you son knows this (the latter is key, otherwise he may well attempt to play you against the school and vica versa)

I very much doubt that it is a clash with just one teacher, as you say there are at least two teachers affected.

It might be worth while seeing if he han have extended work experience, this will either fire him up to get the qualifications to do something that he enjoys, or may make him realise that crappy jobs are hard and don't pay much, and that migh get him to pull his finger out!

Good luck!

watching this thread with interest - slightly younger DS but things aren't shaping up so well...

I teach a loy of teenage boys, around 100 a year I suppose

I would say phone the school and ask to talk things out before it becomes an issue if you can.

Kids (and often particularly boys) can be very good at finding the 'gaps' in a system, and making darned sure they fall into them!

If they know that you are on their case, and the school is working with you, it will make things much better.

The vast majority of kids, IME want you to step in and stop them before they go to far. They need to push at the boundaries, that is all part of beinf a teenager, but they want you to stop them before they get into too much trouble.

I'm also a great believer of keeping them busy, get them involved in sport, or some club or activity, the devil makes work etc

I have a boy myself, and I love working with boys, but you do have to be tough with them, and to let them know that you are the boss. It wll be tough, pick your battles wity care, and win them. Ignore secondary huffing and puffing, that is how they save face.

Martian - you have my sympathy. I can't cope with 1 let alone 100. Scary

It is honestly easier in school than with my one!

Tell him to practice saying "Do you want fries with that?"

From my experience as a teacher, a lot of boys are like this. That doesn't make it right though. However a lot seem to rally in Year 11.

I would get him put on report and homework report. He may clash with his teachers, but from my exp, kids usually say this when a certain teacher doesn't get let them get away with anything.

If worse comes to worse, he can always resit them another time.

Oddly enough Fizz, I used that exact phrase with a sixth former who told me he didn't have enough time to revise in the last two weeks before the as exams

Totaly agree with you about kids not liking toughers teacher who make them work.

Easy enough to get the kids to like you. Not so easy to get them to succeed.