AIBU To think of disowning my mum

[datkins]

When I just turned 16 my mum kicked me out of the house and for the last two years i spent it in care, I have lived in a hostel for the past five months since turning 18 and all i wanted was to return home I think I have grown up a lot but my mum has made it clear that I'm never moving back in, on the day of my 18th i had nowhere to live so I spent the whole day in the council because my mum insisted to them that I couldn't stay. Now five months later I have come to the point where I want nothing to do with her and I don't want it to be like that but she made it clear on Easter day, i swear I was in and out of her house in two hours back to the hostel, that was a lonely time, I guess I just wanted to stay there but that was never to happen, I'm not even angry I just want her to get out of my life as i can't believe she has done this to me

It's devastating because Mothers are meant to always be there. Have you got any other family? Do you have a job or are you in college?

I disowned my mum at 19 and haven't seen her since. (I'm 40 now) I can honesty say I wish I could have done it sooner.

Having a shit mum is terrible but I'm super proud that my kids haven't been infected by her. They have asked about her and I was honest - they are free to contact her when they are adults but she's an abusive woman who I don't want in our lives and they are fine about that.

You will go through weak points (like Christmas when everyone talks about seeing their family) but you need to remind yourself of the truth. There won't be hugs, laughter and even silly squabbles like in TV families. Write it down when you're not affected by the seasonal glow so you're reminded by the stares, silenced, moaning, whatever.

It's not your fault that she's shit. She would be this crap even if she had a robot daughter who behaved how she programmed her. There is a lot of happiness waiting for you in the future. Good luck

I feel for you, you have done a very brave thing.

You need to remember that you can’t control her, what she says or what she does, but you can control your actions and how you feel, what you say.

She sounds like she’s been selfish (not knowing what’s gone on). What does she do to enhance your life?

I’m NC with my mum. After circa 40 years of bullying, digs and just not being there for me (when my beloved dad died she said I had no reason to be upset as only she did, he was her husband) I realised that I had to cut communication. It’s a relief to be honest.

Stay strong. Mothers are meant to be the nurturers but not all are.

Why did she kick you out at 16? I giess you'd not been getting onbut how much was down to you. Forgive me for asking but was there any drug-taking or violence? Were you in school at that point?

Hi OP.

What a shit storm.

I don't have experience of this but I do know that as a former relevant child you are entitled to more support than another person you age, e.g help with housing costs.

Are you being supported by anyone?

You sound so brave and strong. You are going to be fine.

The first thing to do is to accept the situation. The second thing to do is to decide that you are going to make the best of it. I think even if you were living with your mum, it would be a while before you truly forgave her. Better to make your own home away from her.

It doesn’t need to be extremes: live with her or disown her. You could go low contact, just keep in touch when you feel like it and then keep it short and neutral. This could buy you the time to work through your emotions.

MY mum did this to me hostel are lonely just try go walks are u not priority for house as u are vulnerable and u were in care do u have social worker x