what to do with an unmotivated 15 y.o

[Teddingtonmum1]

I literally moved heaven and earth to get my son into a decent school , the first couple of years were up and down, year 3 there was a marked improvement and i thought things were settling down and he was finally applying himself.

Clearly i was expecting too much , now in 4th year last parents event was a disaster all teachers saying the same thing cant be bothered not applying himself , could do better . this week got a detention as failed to hand in homework , and i've been summonsed to the school . I am feeling totally let down i've tried screaming it gets me nowhere , being hands off is the same , i'm tearing my hair out as a last resort will be removing all privileges when he gets home this weekend phone , laptop, playstation allowance all gone if he cant be bothered then why should i make him comfortable, ww3 kicking off this weekend ....

Your last resort sounds like a plan. You are working hard to give him opportunities, he ness to do his bit.

I've had to struggle and only because i've been quite savvy i've managed to buy myself a flat with a low mortgage all my money goes to school fees as i want him to have every opportunity that i didn't and it frustrates me his not seeing that he is privileged and he needs to grasp it with both hands cause it's hard out here.

blinking kids !!!

I really feel for you. Sadly he sounds totally entitled. I went to a poor secondary modern school and had to fight to get a decent education, I would of loved to have had this opportunity.

Maybe speak to him about the future and what he wants to do? If he can’t be arsed now he’ll likely end up in a job on minimum wage - is that what he wants? He needs to realise what he’s throwing away and then it’s his choice.

I busted a gut to give my DS a well grounded, thought out, good education, good social life.

He's dropped out of uni, weed smoking, crap job. At this point I actually give up. I've no energy left. He's still at home but I'll be glad when he moves out because it's just so fucking depressing.

I've just had a chat about not just surviving but thriving, he agrees but he won't do anything to motivate himself. It's like banging my head on a brick wall, so I actually give in.

Can you give him a taste of his own medicine?

removing all privileges sounds like a good idea. But have you tried having a talk with him about if anything is wrong at school? Also, maybe talk about what he wants to do in the future - if you can link doing well at school to something he really wants to do it might help... my very unmotivated teen really picked up his grades when he had decided that he wanted to go to a certain uni, for example.

My teenage is totally unmotivated at the moment but he confessed to feeling utterly depressed about school, life and everything. So could you just check in with him with a listening ear before going in all guns blazing?

Ds1 is the same. So far nothing I've done, and I've done everything suggested on this thread, has made any difference, at all!

Doesn't sound entitled at all, sounds like a normal average 15 year old boy, and I have one! You don't see the hard work and sacrifices your parents make at that age, and school is "boring and a waste of time" - you don't see it from an adult perspective until you are one.

I would go with the removing privileges, I check every piece of homework my kids do and their school operates an app where I can see all homework set.

Incidentally my DS changed his friendship it or and we have seen a remarkable improvement so maybe that's something to look at?

Ignore the "it or" - stupid phone

WW3? Is that going to help OP? If he's "unmotivated" I don't see what good that will do. If you don't want to pay for private education anymore because there seems to be no benefit to him, then probably a good idea to find a different path for him. Personally, I'd hate that kind of pressure if I was a teen. Especially if I felt it came from a place of fear - I think all parents have to be careful about that one its easy to get caught up in it. You don't say much about him as a person so its hard to know why he's unmotivated.

Removed the phone, playstation and laptop this weekend and was nicely surprised thought there was going to be a major strop , but we actually had a nice weekend have told him all electronics are gone until he breaks up from school in 6 weeks and am going to try and get him a volunteering job for the summer to get him out of the house . We even managed to do some cooking together and he came and sat on the sofa and watched a movie .....it cant last can it ?