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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Silent treatment

21 replies

Shadebrigade1 · 17/05/2007 16:12

How do parents cope with the silent treatment (especially Mums - my other half doesn't seem to notice there's a problem). I have a 14 yo son who refuses to talk. I dread spending time with him as he is so morose and terrible company. School runs are a nightmare - after dropping his sister at her school first I have to endure a 15 min. journey in complete silence unless I speak, then I get a monosyllabic grunt and then silence. When I collect him after school he's chatting with his friends then gets in the car and - silence for the rest of the time - so exasperating (?????)

OP posts:

Blackduck · 17/05/2007 16:19

Put on the radio.....

fryalot · 17/05/2007 16:19

either: chat away doing both sides of the conversation ie: "so, are you doing anything after school today?" "yes, I'm going to sit in my room and sulk" "oh, that sounds nice, are you going to clean it?" "no, I prefer the smell of sweaty socks" "lovely dear"

or: enjoy the peace and quiet

Lilymaid · 17/05/2007 16:27

Its just a stage he's going through. At least you can concentrate on the road!

3littlefrogs · 17/05/2007 16:33

It is a phase - social interaction with parents consists only of the occasional grunt, usually between the ages of 14 and about 16. Then they get more talkative again.
I am typing this and half listening to a sermon about break pads - fitting of same - and whether this can be done on the driveway, in between A level exams....... I know nothing about the subject, but am making interested noises. Apparantly a new airfilter and exhaust are also being considered.....

3littlefrogs · 17/05/2007 16:34

Sorry - brake pads.

Lilymaid · 17/05/2007 16:42

3littlefrogs - how like home life on my lilypad. DS1 (20) now drones on at length about hard drives, mixers (music not food) and myriad other matters I am not remotely interested in. DS2 (15) still monosyllabic.

RGPargy · 17/05/2007 17:03

LOL!! It does get better!! My DS1 also goes on about wanting this bike and that car but there was a time when he would just grunt at me. I'm waiting for the time when his lovely big smile comes my way again. Although he does talk to me, i haven't seen him proper belly laugh for so long now and i miss it.....

3littlefrogs · 17/05/2007 18:18

Of course, I had forgotten that in between the grunts there is always "is there any food?" accompanied by much opening and closing of fridge and cupboard doors, and "can you lend me a fiver?" Not much else though.

3littlefrogs · 17/05/2007 18:19

Lilymaid - when they are talking to their friends, can you understand any of it?

Lilymaid · 17/05/2007 22:58

Talk to their friends? Mine don't use a lot of teenage slang but don't really say anything coherent - I think that all their conversations take place via MSN.

merlotmama · 17/05/2007 23:45

Oh 3littlefrogs, a fellow sufferer. All males in this family are car daft.

Ds2 had to do a personal talk at school...poor 3D4 and Mrs Middleton...it was a personal rant about how global warming is a myth...I know, because he practised on me.

Reminds me of 'Gregory's Girl' and the boys trying to chat up girls by telling them boy facts, real nerdy anoraky stuff.

Mine aren't so bad now, tho' I know better than to expect any conversation first thing in the morning. And listening to phone calls to their friends...just a series of grunts, subtle differences in intonation appear to convey meaning and no sign of the usual conventions that the rest of us use to oil the social wheels...like 'hi'and 'bye'.

matilda57 · 02/06/2007 10:05

My ds has been like this for what seems an age. It's so LONELY sometimes. I try to remember to listen to him - intently, even though my eyes are watering with boredom - when he talks about stuff that interests him. So I 'know' a lot about science , which is his great interest. Not that he talks much at all. Last year we went camping for a few days - just me and him - bcs I needed to talk to him about something important and just couldn't break through the silence barrier. He was silent for the first day (at least) but putting up the tent etc loosened him up and we ended up talking one night till really late.
Failing all that, tell him that unless he's prepared to be civilised, you won't be offering him any more lifts.

LittleWonder · 02/06/2007 18:29

Shade - I don't know whether you've read it but there is a brilliant book "Get out of my Life but first take me and Alex into Town" it is funny and not patronising and every parent of a teenager should read it IMHO. When you read that he is doing something as normal as learning to walk, it makes everything so much better.
Mothers of teenage DS's seem to veer between eyes glazing over with feigned interest at their stream of chatter and silence. they are becoming men after all

thetoothfairy · 09/06/2007 21:36

I offered to give mine a goodbye kiss at school unless he talked to me!!! Great conversations after that........

bananabump · 09/06/2007 22:06

Whatever you do, please please please don't take squonk's advice of talking "for" him (No offence squonk!!) as my Mum did it now and again and it just used to make me think she was even less cool and make me want to talk to her less (didn't want to give her the opportunity to do it)

No advice I'm afraid as my baby isn't even born yet! But I'm sure it's a phase as so many teenagers go through it.

themoon66 · 09/06/2007 22:43

Hmmm... DH gets silent treatment on school run, but I just put radio on. If you live in Yorkshire/Lincolnshire area then tune into GalaxyFM.. the morning show is VERY funny for teens. DS cannot help laughing.

He also LOVES me taking him to school coz I've recently traded my car for a 'cool-in-DS's-words' car.

themoon66 · 09/06/2007 22:44

Sooo... answer to silent treatment.....

Drive cool car.
Listen to cool but funny radio
Do not try to ask about how 'things' are going.

Quattrocento · 09/06/2007 22:46

Sorry. Boys do this. Don't know why and don't know what to do other than keep chirping away merrily (to yourself?). But it's a known fact. They regain their tongues when they are about 17ish.

tigermoth · 10/06/2007 09:02

Some people IME don't like talking in the early morning - another reason why he might be silent on the school run.

FWIW, my 7 year old so says very little in the car on the school run mornings and afternoons. I cannot get an answer out of him so tend to drive in silence. His 13 year old brother is much more chatty, but I expect this might ease off soon. Anyway, what I'm saying is the silence may be down to personality as much as anything else.

wineandchocs · 22/09/2007 15:23

(was shadebrigade1) A very belated thank you to Little Wonder for book info. Will try and get a copy. Want to book half term week away, skiing hol, etc. but the thought of having to put up with His Grumpiness, who never seems to want to do anything with us anyway, is too much.... (can't even palm him off onto someone else temporarily)... neeeeed a break!!

choxanwine · 29/09/2007 22:50

Littlewonder - as suggested have bought "Get out of my life...." and got half way through - can't put it down. Very funny and spot on. Really helped to understand what's going on. You're right about them preparing to become men as well... given the choice dh would rather retreat to his cave.

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