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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Arrogant teen

18 replies

Allie68 · 08/05/2018 15:29

Hello, I'm new to mumsnet and wonder if I could seek a little advice on teen behaviour? We went away locally camping at weekend & agreed that our 14.5 year old son could return to our house with his bestie friend & their respective girlfriends (discussed lots of rules & respecting our house, privacy etc.). On return, the house was seemingly fine until I found chewing gum spat about our lounge carpet . Fuming but also can't get my head around why someone would do this as a visitor in another person's home. Had a chat with son and outlined how disappointing this is given we'd trusted him. We've stated that his girlfriend is no longer welcome in & I asked him to tell her 'why' (we've not met her yet). I asked my son to reflect on his attitude (which was arrogant at first) and also on his girlfriend i.e. with principles like this, why was he bothering? Two of my son's close friends have said that his girlfriend isn't nice. I've told my son that while I hope never to be in a position where I'm asking him not to see any particular girl (I don't think this approach works), I don't have to have inconsiderate teens in my house. Thoughts around what other mums might say or do would be welcome. This isn't an earth-shattering problem yet I can't get my head around how someone could behave like this - my mother would've skinned me alive if I'd done it but then it simply wouldn't have entered my head. I'm concerned having heard quite a bit of negative feedback about the girl and now this, what sort of kid is she and what do I do in future - trying to keep an open mind!! Kindest A

OP posts:

pallisers · 08/05/2018 15:45

Is this for real? You left a 14 year old and his friends and their girlfriends alone in your house for a weekend? Did any of their parents know of this arrangement?

SuburbanRhonda · 08/05/2018 15:48

MumofBoysx2 · 08/05/2018 15:53

Is that all that happened? Chewing gum in the carpet - you were very lucky! I think 14 is way to young to be given free reign for a house party over the weekend. Not sure the parents would have been too happy about it either.

Hoppinggreen · 08/05/2018 15:53

I think you were very very lucky just to end up with chewing gum on the carpet

twilightcafe · 08/05/2018 15:57

Two 14 year-olds and their girlfriends left alone for the weekend?
Count yourself lucky it was just chewing gum.

Original poster

Allie68 · 08/05/2018 16:08

Apologies, this was for an afternoon, certainly not for a weekend, I would never allow that. A

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 08/05/2018 16:11

How does he/ do you know it was his girlfriend that did it?

Original poster

Allie68 · 08/05/2018 16:13

My son admitted that his girlfriend was the only one chewing gum, already checked that.

OP posts:

TeeBee · 08/05/2018 16:18

Do you know that it was intentional? My teenage son has his friends around often and they are adorable but sometimes the odd accident happens and something might end up on the sofa. I would never assume any of them had done it intentionally because I've known them since they were babies. Are you assuming it was intentional or do you know it was malicious? Because I think that makes a difference (not to your carpet, obviously).

Aprilmightbemynewname · 08/05/2018 16:20

Some people like a cigarette after sex.
Maybe she likes a stick of gum....

Yecartmannew · 08/05/2018 16:22

I've been lucky in that all my DC's boy/girlfriends have been great except 1.

We handled it by telling DD that he was not welcome in the house ever, would not be allowed to come on days out/meals out/family parties and get togethers etc. It lasted 10 days until a particularly wet weekend when she dumped him because she didn't want to have to sit in the park in the rain with him!

Telling her she was banned from seeing him would have made her determined to do just that.

Original poster

Allie68 · 08/05/2018 16:25

I collected three different globs of chewing gum from different parts of the carpet, in strange and obscure places, by the window, by the sofa, by the fire (but not the coal shuttle, thinking she may have aimed for that). I'm not trying to make this into more than what it was. I was simply looking for ideas about what other people would do i.e. have this young lady back in the house, tell her this is what I found, ban her from the house etc. Personally, I think this isn't an accident x3 and I find spitting chewing gum on a carpet in someone else's house hugely disrespectful and quite a bizarre thing to do. My son has friends around regularly and accidents have happened (far worse than gum). It's the mentality I'm struck by.... the kids were in our house for 5 hours, that was the deal. Nothing else was wrong. I was curious as a new user of mumsnet to find out what others would do in future with respect to allowing this girl back in the house.

OP posts:

TeeBee · 08/05/2018 16:29

Okay, so you are assuming she did it maliciously. I would wait until she came again and then mention that you found three pieces of gum on your carpet and don't want it to happen again so no gum in the house. They act like toddlers, they get treated like toddlers. Personally, I wouldn't ban anyone from the house unless I knew definitively that it was them AND they did it maliciously. But maybe keep a closer eye on them if you feel your son cannot control the situation.

Original poster

Allie68 · 08/05/2018 16:32

Useful advice TeeBee thank you! :-)

OP posts:

Bexter801 · 08/05/2018 18:06

I found every time something happened in our place my son would always blame one of his friends...always! Until I finally asked his friend,who looked in utter shock and was highly insulted,asking my son to admit it wasn't her! I spent ages despising this girl for no reason. I'd ask her straight out and if this is the case(it was her),deal with it how you like...as in not welcome back,give second chance

user1467232073 · 08/05/2018 22:35

So you think she has chewed 3 pieces of gum and spat them out in 3 places? A bit odd don’t you think? I can understand you making judgements if his friends have said she is not nice. However, it may be worth making your own informed judgement if you were to meet her. Just imagine if her mother was talking about your son like this

slippynips · 08/05/2018 22:51

If there were 4 of them in the house, why are you assuming it was your sons girlfriend???

Why you’re letting 4 14 year olds stay in your house for a weekend is another matter. I really hope you spoke to the other parents about this first - very irresponsible on your part if not.
Yes hope the chewing gum is your biggest worry and you don’t find out if you have a grandchild on the way in a few months time!

Original poster

Allie68 · 09/05/2018 09:52

slippynips please see my additional comments from yesterday before judging me. I did not leave 4 teens in my house all weekend - I am a newbie to mumsnet and omitted to state the timescale of this situation in my original post. My son opted out of camping for 5 hours and was allowed to see his friends at our home during the afternoon, that's all. We were camping 20 mins from our house. I am not an irresponsible parent and I always have regular contact with my son when he's out socializing - I always know what he's doing, where he is and generally, who he's with. He's at an age where he's socially stretching his wings a little and this small amount of time home with friends was in recognition of this and to give them a place to hang out for a short time. All I was looking for was a little advice on how to handle someone behaving so disrespectfully in my property, I didn't anticipate being reprimanded for paving the way for grandchildren, which I don't t think as parents my husband and I did.

OP posts:

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