DS 13yrs with no interests but feeling left behind by friends

[nellieloula]

My DS (just 13) has very few interests - and is now feeling like he is being left behind by his group of friends and cousins, all of whom excel in various sport/academic activities. They are becoming more and more competitive, which he just isn't. We have encouraged lots of different clubs (sports, arts, tech) and he has tried them but he doesn't really enjoy any of them; he's quite socially anxious and lacks confidence which is why he often chooses to opt out. We try to push him to continue but then the angst that brings isn't worth it. So it is becoming more and more of an issue. He's a really bright, vivacious boy but nothing at all seems to light a spark of interest......anyone else had any experience of this? thank you!

I have one (almost 14). Good at drama & some sport, but doesn't get any enjoyment out of those. We agreed he should do something. Was regular swim lessons and now he does a regular paper round. Mine is actually very extroverted but struggles socially. No idea how to fix mine either.

It's hard isn't it? mine is is sociable thing too - loves his friends and hanging out; just not interested in anything....

My DD plays badminton, but isn't remotely competitive with it - she opts out of any tournaments. Both of mine have stuck with guides - almost to my surprise - but again it's not competitive.
Are the cousins/friends really excelling or is it just the parents showing off on facebook?

DS finds clubs awkward and would choose not to attend even if he enjoyed the activity (like kayaking) as having the confidence to talk to other children was/is difficult.

The only ones he’ll attend now are Chess, as it’s a mainly non-talking, all about the moves club; and Debating, which he mostly listens to but, if needed to talk will do so about a particular topic with notes, rather than unscripted chat.
Strangely enough video games suck him so much out of his shell, he’s a different boy and is super- cocky when talking with friends, and that interest has led him to coding, albeit teaching himself. I’ve learnt now not to push him, but encourage/remind him of what he’s good at.
Oh, and he learns a musical instrument, but refuses to join a group/band or perform publicly - point-blank!! He does feel satisfaction in improving though so keeps at it.
Some kids just really feel miserable being around big groups of others, especially if some seem extra confident. I’ve learnt not to push him now.

My local library have a manga club for young teens. According to the publicity, this is just for fun and not competitive at all. Maybe worth looking if your library has something similar, or they may offer other clubs too.
Thinking of the library, could he volunteer to be one of the mentors for the Summer Reading Challenge? I am not sure if you have to be a certain age to apply, but it would get him out of the house, mixing with others and is a very non threatening environment.

Thank you for these suggestions - really interesting. The library one sounds good, will check that one out. And yes, I've decided not to push him and see what that brings!