My DD is still out,how to deal with her when she gets home.

[Onlyoldontheoutside]

My DD will be 15 next month.One Fridays she goes out with her friends and is usually home by 9.30.
Tonight I texted her as it was 10.30,finally get an answer saying that they have just started watching a film .I have let her know that this is not acceptable(I think she is at a friend's house not that far away) she should come home now,she says she will come home when the film is over and her friends will walk her home.
I am having to accept this as I cannot go and get her(broken leg).
She has never done this before or anything that I have had to impose any sanctions on her before so what should I do.
I am obviously waiting up and have said that we will talk tomorrow.She really doesn't get that 14 year olds don't stay out ontil gone midnight.
So what do you do in this situation?

You discuss a change to the curfew. 9.30 is very early for a Friday night at that age. She is a month shy of 15, so calling her a 14 yo while technically correct is not really an accurate description of her age.

You do insist that she answers a call or text when you send it. You also insist that any change to the agreed upon plans is communicated as soon as she knows. She should have got in touch at 9.30.

You are going to have to trust each other a bit more.
Is it possible you have the curfew in place as a means of managing your own anxiety?
Is it possible she didn't get in touch at 9.30 because she feared she would get an earful from you about the curfew?

How respectful, considerate, and responsible is she normally? What do you think of her friends?

She has never done this before.The 9.30 was her idea and would have lengthened.I mostly worry about her walking home in the dark alone.
I am not an anxious person but I am cross,she didn't take a key as she said she would be home before I went to bed.
I am not sure about these friends,they keep cancelling arrangements but she only finds out when she calls them.They want her to give up all her other friends to be more friends with them(!).
If this was had been arranged and I had the use of both legs I would have been OK with 11.30with me picking her up.
Do you let your teen out until this time?

Not at that age, and certainly not with friends I don't know. I'd have expected to speak to the parents of the friends to check that she was invited (but mainly to check that she would be where she said she'd be.

Who's bringing her home? An adult in a car or a bunch of other teens, in which case, who takes them home? Are they wandering the streets half the night.

In the morning, chat about safety so she understands your concerns are nothing to do with you trying to stop her having fun and entirely to do with your job as a mother being responsible for her safety and for her not getting into habits that will harm her future. (Early drinking, late nights during GCSEs etc)

Can you invite some of her friends over for a film night while you have a broken leg and ask their parents to collect them at a reasonable time?

I know people will shout ground her......
But instead tell her you were worried.. while your leg is in plaster explain to her what you have said here... and that it's the walking home alone and not knowing that concerns you.... please don't blow is up until you know she understands your views also keep an eye out and see who brings her home.

She's home.
We have had a talk
She has promised to answer her mobile when I leave a message.She knows she was wrong but really doesn't see that there may be a problem walking home atidnight on her own.
I think she gets that I am ATM treating it as a one off but don't expect a repeat.She just doesn't see her vulnerability.
Thanks for being around with advice,it helped me to deal with her calmly.

I think walking home alone late is a no-no too, though she did wait tonight until a friend could walk her home after the movie.

My youngest is 16 and is currently out at the late showing of the Avengers movie that started at 9.30. She and her friends met for ice cream first so they've been out since about 8.30. The pick up time will be around midnight. On a Friday I feel this is reasonable.

DD will call me when it's over and I will pick her up. She will hang around at the cinema door until I arrive. It's well lit there. We live in a very safe area, police are very responsive, there are lots of people out and about as we are finally having some nice warm weather here and everyone got cabin fever over the winter and very cold spring (US midwest). But I still don't want her doing the 25 minute walk on her own or even with friends as about half of that time she would be walking through a residential area with virtually nobody out. There is a municipal curfew here that backs me up so I don't have to argue too hard.

DD(16) is my youngest.
With her older siblings (and with her too) I had an arrangement that if they were ever out somewhere and wanted to leave - party getting out of hand, friends had ditched them, friend drunk and needed to be taken out, unpleasant atmosphere developing, crowd of unfamiliar people crashing, designated driver in no fit state to drive, etc. - all they had to do was send a text or call with their location and I would drive anywhere/anytime, park a discreet distance from the location, text to say I was there, take any number of friends with my DC, drive them all to my home, and not ask any questions.

All the DCs observed the rule about answering the phone if I called or texted and I guaranteed I would not pester people. They also called or texted to say plans had changed if that was the case. I always asked them what their arrangements were for getting home before they went out and I asked them to call me before midnight if arrangements fell through and they needed a lift. At that point, pick up time was negotiable, with the default assumption that me being up all night driving was not the preferred option.

I have never gave my Dds curfews at weekends. They know to give me an expected time they will be home and if that changes the need to ring me.

No curfew on my part either. But unless in a car they are not supposed to be out unchaperoned after 11pm. There are rules about teens driving around after 11 too but unless they are driving dangerously they won't be pulled over.