13 year old son & inappropriate searches

[StrugglingMumma]

I'm seriously struggling with my son who is coming up to 14 years old. He's generally a good kid, works hard at school and attends the local army cadets where he's actively involved in many events.

Over the last few months, he's started to look up porn on his smart phone. I'm not happy about this but have explained to him that it's completely normal to be curious, changes in his body and we have discussed consent and the legal side of everything.

I check his phone regularly, and have found "normal" porn- I just ignore it and don't make an issue of it.

The problem is, I have found a search of my 21 year old cousins name Hannah* Smith naked (not her real name) on his Facebook. What the hell do I do with that?

I knew straight away it was him, he's a terrible liar, can tell by his face. Asked him why, I don't know. His usual answer. Explained that it's completely inappropriate as she is his family. All I get is, it was ages ago. It wasn't, it's dated last week.

I don't know what to do! He's lost his phone, Xbox etc in the last for 2-3 weeks, doesn't seem to bother him. Even when I have sat down and spoke to him about it being natural to be curious, he's still be punished for lying and being sneaky. I'm at a complete loss.

Obviously, he's lost all luxuries, anything with internet access etc until I know how to deal with it.

Please help!

You've never wondered about cousins?

I think you are over-reacting. First cousin relationship is taboo in the US but not really considered that bad elsewhere.

No I really haven't!

Repeat the talk about respect, that it means all the time, not just when your actions are observed. How would he feel if someone looked for, or found images of him. I suspect he is bothered by the loss of technology, keep going. Set your WiFi and his phone account as securely as you can to restrict the porn before he gets them back, but it won’t be foolproof.

Nothing has happened, he searched for a naked picture and did n’t find any.

Actually cousins is considered seriously sick in the UK, so it’s not just the US that has that viewpoint. In this scenario, he just sounds like a normal curious teenager. I’m not sure snooping is doing yourself any favours although I understand why you feel you have to. If he’s sensible then give him credit and some privacy

Obviously the idea of close relatives being sexually involved is disturbing in multiple cultures, but looking for naked pictures of a named person online, (unless a celebrity who courts the attention) is a huge invasion of privacy. I’d be just as upset if he’d searched naked pictures of girl in his class/lady next door/mates mum. It’s upsetting, pervy behaviour.
(Is now wondering how many of my adolescent students have gone googling for naked pictures of me! There won’t be any to find, at least, not without photoshop!)

Is it possible he's heard there is a naked pic of his cousin on FB and decided to check?

She’s your cousin so his second cousin is that correct?

Thanks everyone. We will be having another talk tonight. There definitely isn't any photos to be found.

He's likely to have developed a bit of a crush, maybe she showed a bit of cleavage or something that led to him feeling a bit aroused and it led to the search. Perfectly normal if you ask me.