Teenage son

[Redrobin2]

My son will be 19 next month. Ever since he turned 18, passed his driving test and got a car I never see him. He is either working, sleeping or out with his mates. When I do see him he disappears to his room like he can't be anywhere near me. Cook him the odd meal when he's about to finish work then let him know it's done. I don't even get a reply! I have a great relationship with my daughter and while I understand boys are different, just the odd conversation with him would be good! He even chose to work instead of spend Christmas at home last year. Am I the only one going through this? Feeling like he hates me at the moment.

What happens if you suggest doing something together, like shopping, cafe, cinema?

He agrees to cinema sometimes but then goes out with his friends instead.

Going through this too - found out my son smoking weed, i assume amongst other things, about 18 months ago / since then gone from bad to worse - won't speak to us at all, trashed room, ran away, etc. Refuses schol then goes then reguses - cycle of that. Thought was improving but back to square one. He absolutely hates us. He is 18 on the 30th of April and says he is off - to where I have no idea - he says got nothing yo do with us. We live in rural France and have legal responsibilty till 18 but the help/system is rubbish and totally let down by it. Totally lost and at wits end. Love him so much but also hate him for what he is doing to us all. Cannot help you I am afraid just wanted to let you know you are not alone - even if your situation is somehat different to mine x

I’m sure he does n’t hate you, and I’m not sure karen’s Post was very helpful. Your son is enjoying being young and has a busy life. boys are different to girls, so your relationship with him will be different,

I would love my 19 year old to go out more. He only goes out once or twice a month. I think this sounds like normal behaviour, just a boy seeking independence while still living at home. I left home at 17 and hardly saw my family for years. I didn’t hate them, I was just very independent and selfish!

Our ds is 19 and in his first year of uni. He has been home for Easter for 3 weeks and I think he's so far spent 3 evenings in with dh and me. He has spent the rest of the time out with his mates who are also home from uni.
And that's just fine with us. When I was 19 I spent time with my friends rather than with my parents. It's what teenagers do.

The only bit I think is unreasonable is that you cook for him and he doesn't reply.

Everything else seems quite normal to me. Although of course, not all teens are like this so I do understand why it might make you sad.

My son is 18 this year and we went to a gig together a couple of months ago(with dd and his girlfriend), went bowling at the weekend and will be going out together for a work night out this Friday as we work at the same place. His girlfriend also goes for drinks with her mum occasionally and they are both meeting her dad after work today for dinner. I think their group is quite unusual in that sense though.

I'm sure it is no reflection on his feelings for you.

boys are different to girls, so your relationship with him will be different,

People are different to each other so your relationship will be different. I am probably closer to my son than my daughter because he is more laid back and open.

If he is driving, working and meeting friends and not taking drugs, bumming around or hurting anyone then I'd say you are doing a pretty good job and should be pleased that he is independent.

Thank you for all your responses. I just miss him I suppose as we have always been a very close family. I'm sure he'll settle down sometime. I'm sorry to hear your situation Karen, I do hope it improves soon. It's such a difficult age anyway but boys are not that good at talking as us girls are.

It’s only natural that you miss him but of course many boys at that age have left home to go to college or travelling etc so at least you still see him every day. You have a half empty nest syndrome by the sounds of it!