Am not sure whether I should be worried about dd or should just leave things be . Sorry if this is long but want to provide an accurate and full picture .
Dd is coming up to 13. She has always struggled with concentrating in school and is performing below average in all areas although I believe she is far brighter than looks on paper . At parents evening they said she was working towards a c- in all subjects for GCSE. I did feel a little disappointed as I feel she is a bright girl who could do better.
She likes humanities and RE and reads maturely for her age ( has just finished Malala's book and before that Mandela's auto biography ) but only likes these subjects largely when she is learning about them outside of school . She also reads some classic literature ( some recent examples are Jane Eyre and to kill a mockingbird ). But her wide reading is not reflected in any academic progress and again she is underperforming , even in English .
She says lessons are boring and school is boring and that she switches off in class or when teachers are talking . She struggles in maths in particular and I've often wondered if she has a form of dyscalculia . I do lots of maths at home with her and she is difficult to engage , lacks confidence , yawns , acts bored etc etc . She needs lots of practical examples to understand things but loses her train of thought very quickly and will forget everything the next day . She says she does really badly In maths tests at school and only gets a few questions right . Definitely not dyslexic - I taught her to read and write as we lived abroad when she was 4 ish and she picked it up really quickly and is very good at spelling . I think she has a flair for languages - she is brilliant at picking up foreign languages but it's never reflected in her grades because of poor homework , Poor contribution in class and not revising .
For homework she does the bare minimum with little thought and it's scruffy and sloppy . Just says everything is boring and pointless .when anything becomes remotely challenging she gives up there and then and loses interest . Doesn't revise for tests despite my offering lots of practical support . Says she'll fail anyway . I've always been full of praise and encouragement and don't kno where she has got this attitude from . She has very supportive extended family too but she seems to naturally have low self esteem if this is possible .
She doesn't attend any extra curricular activities - says she can't be bothered . She did say she was going to join debating but didn't stick with it and she rarely sees things through as either loses interest or gets bored . However she could , if she was allowed to , spend forever watching movies or playing on her phone . She loves messing with her little makeup collection and also likes making body masks and scrubs and that sort of thing . If she does well in school I'll give her a £5 lush voucher as she loves it . She's constantly preening , in front of the mirror , showering , doing her hair etc .
As a younger child she was the same . I remember she didn't want to learn to swim but we persevered and persisted with three years of swimming lessons till we got there . Same with bike riding - she was constantly giving up but I was consistent till she got there . It was a struggle to say the least but worth it when she got there and she now enjoys swimming and cycling but there's always that initial 'I can't be bothered ' first.
She likes her comfort Zone and could happily stay in bed on Netflix all day which I think is unhealthy so I do encourage her to get up and move but respect that she's a real introvert and likes quiet time too. I'm not sure how to get that balance .
I try to follow her interests where possible . She likes baking so gets plenty of opportunity to do that at home . I get her to tell me what activities she would like to do over holidays and try to plan them in even if it's just movies and baking , anything to get her out of her room and off her phone .
But I feel her low self esteem and lack of interest at school is letting her down and she will eventually fall way short of her potential .
Maybe I am projecting my own experiences and expectations and I shouldn't . DH and I are both academics so we do admit we struggle when one of our is so resistant to doing well academically although she is so much more able . She says she wants to go to university and study history or politics but she will need to hit good grades for that . I tell her she's got to work hard for those grades - she says she will but then lapses again.
I spoke to school at parents evening and found them very patronising to be honest . They said she was lucky that she's working towards Cs as that's what is expected of her . I know she can do better but she isn't doing herself any favours by being such a defeatist .
Please advise . Am I making mountains out of molehills ? Should I leave her be ? Is there a chance she'll mature and buck up a bit ? To her credit , she's a lovely daughter - witty , great humour , caring, sensible and reliable . She's up at 6, showers , makes her own breakfast and is super independent . I don't know what, if anything at all, is going wrong and how I can help her . I wonder if she feels overwhelmed by her very high achieving sister who is a year younger but is highly motivated to learn and achieve . Dd2 doesn't rub it in though - she's easy going and they get along fine but maybe it's a subconscious thing .
Any ideas ?