I wish backchat was my problem with my teenager. He's nearly 17 and has pushed boundaries over this last year around drug use, staying out overnight without telling me his plans (which is all I ask for!), drinking, truanting, having friends over (with my say-so - I even left food for them, more fool me) who then trashed the house and stole from me, and stealing. Thankfully, I've managed to keep him in school, by the skin of his teeth and he'll start sixth form again at a different school next year. Hoping a clean slate will help him. This is a child who is popular, nice-looking, loved, listened to, supported and encouraged in what he wants to do and I am ashamed to admit that his behaviour has driven me absolutely demented in the last six months and I have yelled, wept and slapped his face (once, after the house was trashed and he arranged for a drug dealer to visit while we were out) as well as pushed him and hit him on the arm. He has never been angry, he doesn't raise his voice so there's no 'I will wait to talk to you until you calm down' option. I know my actions are wrong and inexcusable and I have apologised to him and told him that he must never think this is a justifiable response. But I really don't know how to deal with him, when reasoning, love, trying to point out the consequences, impacts and risks of his actions, both for himself and others, withdrawing of privileges (phone, money, going out - can't really use the last one because if he walks out, what am I going to do? lock him out?) simply don't work. I suppose I should be grateful that he is healthy, and still choosing to live at home and go to school and have at least an eye on the future. But it is bloody hard and thankless work!
Judge away, you can't say anything worse to me than I've said to myself, but if anyone has some ideas tested by similar experience on how I might improve things, please do chip in.