Anyone else got a teen who should be revising but isn't?

[LoveBeingAMum555]

DS is 17, doing A Levels. He is a lovely lad, no issues with his behaviour and very bright but lazy. He got decent GCSEs but could have done better and he knows this.

He has exams in May. At our review with college in February we were told that DS is just not putting enough effort in and is not going to do as well in his exams as he should. If he does really badly he will not get accepted back onto his A Level course next year.

So, long chat at home, lots of tears. DS saying he knows he needs to do more but struggles with motivation. We made a plan, bought a revision planner book, agreed that he will pull out all the stops to get back on track.

Then, nothing. Easter holidays comes and to my knowledge he has done no revising at all. I have tried to talk to him twice which has resulted in him stomping off upstairs.

Any suggestions? Is there anything at all that I can do? Do I just leave him to it? I dont want it all to go wrong for him and feel that I should have done more.

DD (18) doesn't appear to have done much so far, DD (16) has made a revision plan, but not done any actual revision yet. Apparently it starts tomorrow .

I think at this stage all you can do is provide the resources he needs - you can't make him revise, he needs to make that choice himself. If he makes bad choices, then his options may be more limited as a result. It's really hard to let go, but sometimes I think we need to let our DCs make mistakes so that they learn & develop their own resilience.

My approach is to make sure my teens are fed & watered, have a calm environment at home, they have a supply of revision books / post-its / highlighters / whatever to hand, & to ask how it's going every now and again. And to make positive noises when there is evidence that they've done some revision.

Especially if there have been tears and stressful meetings, he is probably hiding his head in the sand, rather than being lazy. I think kids sometimes get overwhelmed by the volume of work they think they need to do, and become paralysed.

I don't know what you can do to help, as each child is different. With my daughter (doing GCSEs) I have sat next to her and encouraged her through a few pages of a revision book when she was feeling overwhelmed, but she was open to this. Can you think of any way to get your son to open up about his fears? I do think that if he can admit his anxiety, he will be able to address some part of the challenge, and probably just a bit of work will help much more than he thinks. If I were you, I would think hard about how to use everything I know about my son to get through his wall of insecurity, guilt, anger, defensiveness, and try to show him a few things: I have faith in him; messing up A levels is NOT the end of the world; if he works consistently he can learn a lot in the next few weeks and get something out of the course.

It might sound fake to you, but I would avoid talking too much about exam results, and would try to get him to see the value of learning and studying in itself. Sometimes all the talk about results and consequences takes away the basic fact that the subject was originally something which interested him. I think for an upset teenager, a reminder of this can be very helpful, but it has to be deeply felt and sincere to make a difference.

Sorry, no advice here but plenty of sympathy as I could have written your post. My DS2 is also really stressed about college but doing nothing. Waiting for advice too...

Me too. Though DS did manage about half an hour this evening, but that's all he's done since he finished on Thursday lunchtime.
Even bribery doesn't seem to be working. I am worried; last year his school kicked out a lot of year 12s for not doing well enough ( Ds rather than Bs, not fails).
Any advice would be well received!

What else is he doing?

Does he have any hobbies at all and anything that gets him out of the house?

I use the approach of time at the gym, working, socialising with mates all fine as long as you do some revision. I actually encourage time doing other stuff. It's not perfect at all but it's not just sitting fretting, my friends DD revises without any issue at all and as much as part of me wishes DS was like this her Mum worries that she does nothing else but revise and has no social life.

My sons school are running revision sessions over the holidays so he has picked a couple each week. I've also set aside a half hour evening session (which I have to try and understand the stuff beforehand) to test or make flash cards together. Not without a great deal of huffing, but we get it done. Science 10 minute test books are great as I only have to mark and feedback.
Tomorrow going to Edward Jenner museum as pretty local and is covered in history exam - taking couple of mates. Hope they pick something up from it. At the end of the day though they need to do it for themselves, and school put on so much pressure I don't want to nag too much, but left to own devices completely he wouldn't be doing it.

Would it help if you bought some revision workbooks? They would need to be the correct ones for his exam board and subject but they can be a good start point. I think sometimes the starting is the hardest bit, especially if they haven’t really got any decent notes to revise from. You can get workbooks and multiple choice test books in most subjects. Also, if you make it clear that he doesn’t have to revise all day every day that might relieve some of the pressure. Just 3 or 4 hours a day could make a real difference to him. We’re finding that agreeing a start time, setting an alarm and me providing breakfast at the right time before revision is really helping.

I would talk through the options of what will happen if he fails. My friend's son failed his 1st year of A levels (capable and couldn't be bothered) and was told he could not resit. As a college why would they deprive a more motivated student of a place on the course to give it to someone who was clearly capable but couldn't be arsed?

Sorry, but it is true. There is a 3 year funding limit IIRC for A levels so if he fucks this up then he has to either start with all new subjects at the same college or do the same 1st year again at another college.

Maybe spell that out to him, where would he go? What other A levels could he do, or just admit that this isn't for him and he gets a job or apprenticeship based on his GCSEs.

I'm in the same boat. DD1 is doing A levels. She can't seem to motivate herself to revise. We have organised some tutoring sessions for a couple of the subjects but apart from this she isn't really doing anything. She blames her mental health and says she's too depressed / stressed to work. She is not too depressed to spend plenty of time with her boyfriend though (he is not in school, so does not need to be studying) and wants to go to his house / stay over as much as we will allow. I hardly feel we can stop her at 17yrs old.

It's so frustrating as she as some really good offers for university, but needs to get good grades. She did ok in her GCSEs, not brilliant, but I think she kind of got away without studying then. She probably can't get away with it for A level.

If we discuss it with her, ask her how much work she's done etc, she shouts at us and goes to her room and shuts the door. She will do anything to avoid having the conversation. I then feel like a terrible parent for pressurising her. But really, she is not doing her best and it is so frustrating.

Revising is BORING! Gosh I remember hating having to revise! The best thing to do so is help them break down a schedule of revision. Day one: 1 hour of doing X past paper, day 2: writing notes etc...

Then agree some form of reward after end of each day. Then each morning, help him to motivate by saying 'remember today is paper x, it will take one hour, then you can watch this programme before doing paper z and that it will be it for today.

I think they have to be motivated. DD -gcses- is revising loads. She needs to get good grades, but this is all off her own bat. I butt out of it as I can’t really complain she’s working hard. She’s got good plans for the summer holidays so she may as well knuckle down for the next 5 weeks. What does your DS want to do? That usually is a motivator.

It’s so funny- ds was tutored to hell and back for his gcse’s wouldn’t work independently and we spent thousands. For his ALevels now he refused all help, not doing nearly a many hours as he should but I’m pleased he’s working independently which I feel is so important, whatever the end result.

Dd’s revision plan seems to be facetiming her pals while writing out flash cards using ALL her highlighters. Marvellous.