How do you help social anxiety in teen?

[HC4U]

Hi,
DD is 18 and has been invited to a party this weekend at a girl in schools house. My DD is a great kid and we couldn't be prouder of her. She has struggled over the past few years in school socially in terms of not going out to parties or discos. We have tried to help her and she will go the odd time to a cinema get together or a pizza night. But she is really afraid now of the whole drink culture and drugs. We would like her to go to the party this weekend as we feel if she went once she would see what they are really like and she may feel a bit more confident. She is leaving for University in a few months and we just want her to have a little more confidence in herself.

1. I keep telling her she doesn't have to drink, just ask for a water and lemon. Its ok not to drink and not to feel bad.
2. She might actually enjoy it
3. I will sit in car literally down the road and she can come into the car anytime
4. New outfit bought !!
5. I have even asked a friend of mine who's daughter is going would she go with my DD and I would drop them off, so she doesn't have to go in on her own?
6. Isn't it awful that kids feel so anxious now unless they are drinking to go to a party?

Hate seeing her so upset at this stage in her life!

Thank you!

As someone who struggled a lot with social anxiety at university, from my personal experience the only way to beat it is to be brave and take a bit of a risk, as the softly softly approach only exacerbated my fears.

That may not work with your daughter, but I think staying in the car for her may be a little counterproductive as she needs to be -carefully!- pushed out of her comfort zone and can't always rely on you. Yes, she will probably feel uncomfortable at the party at first, but I think it will be very beneficial for her to stick it out to the end, or at least a few hours.

University really is a big change, even for confident young adults, and that is especially true with the drinking culture. Everyone feels uncomfortable and anxious as it is a completely unfamiliar environment - if she can gain a bit of faith in her ability to stick out situations where she feels anxious, and take risks, it will really help her.

Please know I do appreciate it isn't as easy as just getting yourself out there. It is mentally draining and scary to push outside of where you are comfortable, and the progress is gradual, but I am so glad I did and I hope your daughter is able to as well, and that she enjoys her party.

Thank you so much for the reply. You are so right and I know myself in situations where I am anxious I just want to run away from them, but sticking it out you always feel better. This is her first step out now into the real world and I know this time tomorrow she will feel better she went regardless of what happens. Baby steps but huge journey. I am so proud of her. She does need to go to this party and my hubby laughed last night and said to her you know you might really enjoy it and we might never see you again at weekends you will be out the whole time. She said "oh Dad" but smiled so fingers crossed!

Have a good day and thanks again!

How did it go HC? I'm interested as I have a dd a bit like yours.

We would like her to go to the party this weekend as we feel if she went once she would see what they are really like and she may feel a bit more confident.

But does SHE want to go?