Bullying and expression of self harm

[DrakesBumbag]

Daughter Y8 has has some fallings out with a couple of friends. It escalated and one girl sent abusive and threatening messages over Snapchat. There has also been name calling at school and daughter became very emotionally dysregulated and begged not to be made to go to school.

At this point I contacted the school and felt the Head of Pastoral Care had sorted the issues. Although he was quick to dismiss it as "your not always going to be friends with people" etc...

Few days ago I was tidying her bedroom and found she had written about how unhappy she is, hates school and has been cutting. Turns out the bullying has continued and the boys are also calling her names. She has begged me not to send her. She is also so angry. I intend to make an appointment with the Head of Year ASAP and stress their duty of care to provide a safe environment.

I am heartbroken. My beautiful, sparkly girl is defeated. I had a tough time at school so I know I need to separate my own shit.

I have asked her sensitively about self harm and she says she isn't but at such a young age It's concerning she is thinking about it.

Any advice gratefully received.

I'm going through similar and my dd has self harmed. I took her to the doctor who spoke very kindly too her and has referred us to CAMHS. We are on the waiting list.

I do keep dd off school if it gets too much sometimes and I always make a point of writing to pastoral and telling them why.

Pastoral need to step up now. Why the hell should are children learn to be more resilient when these kids get away with it time and again.

I am learning now to be dd's voice and every single time there is a problem I am putting it in writing.

Watching with interest about what others think.

Don't send her in, tell them it's school refusal as it appears on their data and LA will ask questions!

They'll jump through hoops to get her back into school

Can you look at other options/schools in the area? It's a difficult one when there's so many people involved BUT school should have zero tolerance and a safe place in school for kids to go to

I've asked her more directly about what I found (ie what she had written) and she has said she has cut a couple of times. I haven't found any means to self harm however so not sure what she has been using if she hasin two minds about sending her in because avoidance will not help her anxiety but also need school to take this very seriously. It's a good point that if it is classified as school refusal they will be eager to address it.

Thanks for your comments. It helps to feel supported. So sorry also to hear other kids are going through similar. It's heart breaking. I will ensure school sort this though. My plan at the moment is Head of Year, Govevnors and then Local Authority. It hopefully won't get that far. Not sure why I'm preparing myself for a battle!

My dd used a safety pin and made lots of scratches all up her arms. If she hasn't told me I would have thought they were car scratches. When I told the school they said 'we don't call that self harming we call it scratching'. I did say 'I don't give a shit what you call it she has done it to herself'