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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

rude obnoxious behaviour

27 replies

turnipfarmers · 24/03/2018 06:38

My teen has gone off the deep end this morning because I unplugged his playstation mid game as I needed him to help separate squabbling cats.

He then shouted any manner of rude words (c b* etc) at me repeatedly. He's now banned from the playstation for a week. He doesn't hear the words at home, I assume he does at school.

How do you deal with this kind of behaviour? He's currently going through a massive growth spurt and hormone surge and goes from lovely to tearful to angry.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 24/03/2018 06:43

Did you ask him for help first?

Original poster
turnipfarmers · 24/03/2018 06:47

He'd asked me for help as he heard them and got up. I was wrong to unplug it but it was making an almighty racket and wasn't helping, plus is was before 6am and too loud for that time of day.

I should have just turned the sound down but the first thing I saw was the plug. Meanwhile the cats were still squabbling and causing mayhem.

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 24/03/2018 06:51

How old is he,? If youve got past 13 and this is the first time he's done this then you are doing well. Absolute ban on the playststion before school though, he needs his sleep.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/03/2018 06:53

Wrong on both parts re this mornings altercation.

But I would seriously consider putting in a curfew re time he can access computers in the morning.

Before I did this when my ds hit teenagedom he started waking earlier and earlier to play as he was thinking about it in his sleep Hmm that had an effect on his behaviour.

So now it's not before 9am on a weekend. He usually sleeps in until 7.30/8.

BertrandRussell · 24/03/2018 06:59

“How old is he,? If youve got past 13 and this is the first time he's done this then you are doing well”

I really don’t think it’s usual for 13 year olds to call their mother a cunt or a bitch is it? Hmm

Op, you shouldn’t have turned it off. But that pales into insignificance beside his behaviour. Has he calmed down enough to talk about it yet?

FinallyHere · 24/03/2018 07:47

While I get that his response was just not acceptable, I can't understand why anyone would cut the power supply to what is essentially a computer, when it is not shut down correctly.

That could easily have trashed the hard disk and rendered it unusable. Is it OK?

I would recommend that you enforce hours when he is allowed to play and get some headphones for whoever is playing. No one wants to hear that unless they are playing, too.

Caulk · 24/03/2018 07:52

Have you apologised to him? It sounds like you feel his response to you was wrong and want an apology, but it might help to be the bigger person and apologise to him.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 24/03/2018 07:56

Jesus, there’s some way more lenient people than me on here.

Like you unplugged his game and somehow that’s something really awful? It’s a game. If he’d listened first time, it wouldn’t have happened.

newdaylight · 24/03/2018 07:59

If he’d listened first time, it wouldn’t have happened
That's the point though. He wasn't asked anything, in fact he'd asked for help.

BertrandRussell · 24/03/2018 08:01

The OP shouldn't have unplugged the computer.

But he called her a cunt and a bitch. I think I would be focussing on that, to be honest.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 24/03/2018 08:02

new hm not really how I read it, I guess, but maybe I’m wrong.

Either way, playing the playstation loudly at 6AM is out of line anyway in my book, and the thing would be long gone if it was me (I say that as a gamer.)

LittleRedTerfette · 24/03/2018 08:10

Op, I find it hard to believe that anybody would tolerate gaming at 6am, that’s seriously lax!

SpriteGirl · 24/03/2018 08:14

If my child called me a cunt or a bitch the consequences would be far greater than no PlayStation for a week.

I can’t tell from the OPs posts if you did in fact ask him for help or not but it’s beyond the point really, how dare he speak to his mother (or anyone for that matter) like that.

Agree with ThisIsTheFirstStep people have been far too lenient, no wonder there’s an issue with respect in society. Please don’t apologise to him OP.

Original poster
turnipfarmers · 24/03/2018 10:06

He was expected to help given he noticed the problem, normally he would. He's 13 and adores the cats so normally it's not an issue.

He's not allowed any screens before school, Saturday he gets 1/2 an hour twice and he can choose when he uses it but the volume has to be off if it's before 9am.

There is no way I am apologising to him after his outburst. He's calmed down now and all is peaceful, we'll discuss it later on. He hasn't used language like that at home before.

OP posts:
Orangettes · 24/03/2018 10:27

Explain how you feel about him calling you names, you need to build on having mutual respect and reducing the angst. Look at what you did to inflame the situation and do something different the next time. The teenage years are full of lots of hormonal rage, keep it in perspective, keep calm and model good resolution behaviour - you are showing him how to resolve conflict, he shouldn't be taught to think I mustn't call Mum horrible names because she'll take my playstation....he mustn't call you horrible names and you should make sure he understands why! Punishments generally don't work.

littlebillie · 24/03/2018 11:28

I would do that again but you can switch the PS4 from an app on your phone. We installed it last week and we have added 1 hr per night and 4hrs at the weekend. You can switch it off remotely. I think what you have to remember the PS4 games spike Adrenalin so the reaction st complete instant withdrawal is normal. Get the app and have a sensible conversation and if your cats are fighting clapping your hands normally works

BertrandRussell · 24/03/2018 14:15

"so the reaction st complete instant withdrawal is normal."

There are no circumstances where calling your mother a cunt and a bitch is "normal"

Kdwmdl14 · 25/03/2018 20:53

Please help
I'm unsure about where to turn or what to do my 17 year old boy has been a nightmare with behaviour for a very long time it has got worse just lately where he has started swearing at me really nasty things bullying my young girls calling my partner of four years really nasty things he's completely out of control and since Friday I told him to leave he's been staying in a hotel as his dads otherhalf won't have him in there house
Why am I feeling guilty ?
Why am I made to be the bad one ?

GreenTulips · 25/03/2018 21:00

That could easily have trashed the hard disk and rendered it unusable. Is it OK?

Yes it is! These machines are poisoning our children and some grown up relationships.

BennyTheBall · 25/03/2018 21:00

I am quite amazed you have a teen that was up so early!

You were both wrong in your reactions but I have 2 teenage boys and not once have either of them called us names. That is a line they just would not cross.

Original poster
turnipfarmers · 25/03/2018 21:18

The cats woke him up with their squabbling!

OP posts:
Orangettes · 25/03/2018 21:56

My son told me to fuck off when he was 13 - I never thought he would and he hasn't done since because on reflection I could see how he got there, punishment was not the solution - it was part of the problem. I needed to lighten up and start treating him like an adult, respecting his views and decisions more.

Voice0fReason · 25/03/2018 23:37

You treat him with a complete lack of respect.
He treats you with a complete lack of respect.
It's unlikely to improve with your current approach.
Talk and listen to each other to agree some rules that work for everyone.

chloe2003 · 26/03/2018 07:49

Does anyone have any advice on rules and boundaries, I have a very defiant 14 year that is choosing to do what she wants against what I ask and it's pushing us further and further apart and I dont know what to do?

immortalmarble · 26/03/2018 07:50

I think voice is correct actually

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