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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Why are so horrible to each other?

16 replies

Doryismyname · 19/03/2018 09:28

DD is going through a bit of a bad time with some of her friends. It’s just seems like endless petty stuff, bitchy gossip, mind games and trying to get one up on one another. Things like being deliberately left out or making plans for the weekend with a group and then they say it’s cancelled but actually they have just done stuff without DD and then posted it online just to rub it in. These are well brought up girls from good families whose parents and teachers think they are angels. These are girls who are bright and know better and say all the right things but treat others badly. They’ve had more lectures about bullying and kindness at school than maths lessons so why oh why are girls these days so damn vile and horrible?

OP posts:
LemonMuffin837 · 19/03/2018 09:42

My friends daughter is having trouble.
She has a choice at the moment, bully or be bullied.
She chose not to be a bully and ended up getting bullied so badly she started to cut herself and would scream the house down in tears at the thought of going to school, her mum was in such a state.
She then decided she couldn't take being bullied anymore and decided to be on the bullies side, now she's constantly in trouble for bullying other girls. She's 11.

Original poster
Doryismyname · 19/03/2018 15:13

Apologies thread should read ‘Why the girls so horrible to each other’

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Original poster
Doryismyname · 19/03/2018 15:14

*are...oh I give upGrin

OP posts:
Scabetty · 19/03/2018 15:19

DD has had so many dramas through secondary school with friendship groups splitting. She has grown a tough exterior and has a good head on her shoulders as a result.

Auntpetunia2015 · 19/03/2018 15:45

Dd 16 is currently going through hell with school “friends “. One of whom thought it fun to hack her Instagram and then share her private dms with a whole load of other kids in school!

Original poster
Doryismyname · 19/03/2018 15:52

That is so sad Lemon, I do think it’s a case of survival at all costs sometimes.

@Scabetty DD also has a pretty thick skin and puts on a good front but seems to be really hurt by the actions of these girls as she has been friends with them since nursery.

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Scabetty · 19/03/2018 16:26

Doris, it is awful. The nasty behaviour is totally unacceptable. Dd is 17 yo now and has a nice group to hang out with in 6th form. Still the odd drama llama trying to be queen bee. I always encouraged dd to have lots of friends so that she could jump ship if her group disintegrated. Sometimes these friendships go full circle and the enemy is the friend again.

I have no real advice other than to be there for her and keep the pastoral lead or head if year in the loop if things turn too nasty.

Runninglateeveryday · 19/03/2018 18:02

I hate it, DD is 16 and seems to run into some major bitching drama weekly . My rose tinted glasses smashed years ago, she too can be a complete cow to others, then when the tables turn she can't see that she too behaves in that manner.

I love DD but her personality since 14 has been very bitchy , we used to clash a lot about it , I tend to not get overly invested anymore still tell her when she's in the wrong. She can be very exclusive with certain friends and leave others out then when she's left out she's devastated. Her friendships are really full on they love each other for a few months then spend so much time together they fall out and hate each other 🙄

Skylander01 · 20/03/2018 01:16

I remember my own school day being like this. We used to swap friends like pairs of socks ! At first I was devastated but she will find her own way eventually. As long as you have instilled good values into her she should be fine. I find the hardest part of parenting is putting your trust in the work you have done. Boys are harder! I am currently really struggling with my 15 year old son who has 'a perfect sister's. I came on here to look for answers! Following a huge domestic argument where both kids threatened to leave the house because apparently we are not normal. We actually are not normal. I have brain cancer, my husband is becoming a terminally ill COPD patient, my don had anger issues and PTSS since seeing both his parents on life support. When he was born he was 2 months prem and It was hard to bond. My daughter is home from uni at the moment and they are either rolling around together, laughing - or fighting and threatening to kill themselves. I am a drama queen and having been the one to hold the roof over their heads for the past decade sometimes get emotional myself and want to die. Cams were useless for my son and discharged him after 2 sessions. I know they are currently underfunded and inderstaffed but unless they want a serial killer on their hands or another young man dead at his own hands they need to come and help us. Believe me if they pointed the finger at me I would accept that for my child as I know we have over indulged him out of guilt over being unhealthy.

kellyellenh · 20/03/2018 14:58

It’s awful. I’m going through the same with my DD 13. Not sure what to do or how I can best help or support her. I literally feel like my world is crumbling. Are there any support groups for mothers of teenagers? (Complimentary Gin!!!)

Original poster
Doryismyname · 21/03/2018 09:03

@Skylander Sorry to hear what you are going through. Dealing with teens problems when you are in good health is hard enough but I cannot imagine what you are all going through Flowers

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sayatika · 29/03/2018 09:25

I'm late to this but can really sympathise. DD14 is having a difficult time. She was excluded by peers at her last school and it seems to be happening at this one. No idea why. I've recently found her a counsellor outside of school for her to talk to which I hope might help, particularly as school don't seem interested. I remember the days fondly when I thought having babies/toddlers were hard ...

LoniceraJaponica · 29/03/2018 09:29

I have every sympathy. DD had a bad time in year 7 and an absolutely terrible time in year 10. She felt so isolated that she almost stopped eating and was self harming. The bitch girl who caused all of this is now having to deal with her own demons, but I doubt that she is aware of how much damage she has caused. DD is in year 13 and is now on anti anxiety meds.

Original poster
Doryismyname · 29/03/2018 16:53

So sorry to hear that others are also going through this. Maybe it’s down to personal experience but I cannot remember girls being this vile and bullying being so prevalent when I was at school. I just cannot understand why when there is so much work done in schools around bullying. Kids should be more aware than ever before of the impact of their actions on others.

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sayatika · 29/03/2018 22:19

Doryismyname I think it's more cliquey now and more exclusion goes on than when I was at school so they get away with it not being "bullying". Also so much is played out on social media. It's hard to know what to do to help them.

Hellsbellscockleshells · 30/03/2018 21:44

How old is your DD Doris? My DD had what I thought were some lovely friends in y7 they were absolutely inseparable and seemed to get on fabulously. Anyway these girls decided to try to get in with the ‘popular’ girls. So slowly ditched DD and made it look like it was her fault. Her confidence took as massive nose dive. She hasn’t properly recovered from this and she’s midway through year 8. It’s like dog eat dog the girls think they can only be more popular at soneone else’s expense and it’s almost like some of the girls mothers also buy into this and get off on how popular their DD is.
For you OP 💐 hopefully your DD is will ind her tribe and move away from these toxic girls.

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