12 year old... No friends?

[ThousandsOfLives]

I have a 12 year old son who is in year 7. He started his new school as the only one from his primary school which hasn't helped. At primary school he had a group of friends although was never hugely popular. However since starting the secondary school, he hasn't once mentioned any names of other children and hasn't seen them at all outside school.

It doesn't help that we live across the other side of town but he knows I'm happy to drive him there or pick people up and bring them to ours. I'm forever driving my older child back and forth as she sees her friends a lot.

I'm just concerned that he's never mentioned any names of other children there. He seems to be losing touch with his old primary school friends too as obviously they are settling into their secondary schools and making new friends.

My son does a couple of clubs out of school (rugby and climbing) but he's not overly friendly with anyone there either.

He's quite socially awkward and doesn't like sport really (he'd give up rugby in a heartbeat) so he doesn't fit in with a lot of the boys at his school I'm guessing. He would be quite happy to sit at his x box or his computer all day but it's not healthy!

All school holidays are spent doing things with me and his toddler sibling which I don't mind, I like spending time with him but I really feel he needs friends of his own to do things with.

Then I wonder if I'm pushing my own insecurities onto him? He doesn't seem unhappy but will often say he's bored. I feel like I need to take him out to entertain him constantly otherwise he'll be glued to his electronics.

Do I need to worry? Am I thinking too much into it? Did anyone else's child struggle making friends

I've been there. It can be worrying. I suppose what matters most is how much it bothers him. Mine take a couple of buses each way to/from school via the town centre. I bought DD a gift card for a cafe where you can buy hot chocolate, milkshakes etc. I encouraged her to invite someone along. The other thing I did was to buy her a cinema gift card for 2 (not the cheapest option!) and do the same thing. It is easier to make friends if you are doing something together. So I had visions of DD sitting and chatting in the cafe but they actually had take out and walked around looking at the shops with drinks in hand. She was v happy about this. The cinema thing didn't pan out. But it did for DS.

I got the ideas from a friend who has a quiet DD. My friend organised events and would just invite another child too. It was always a trip out somewhere. The other children used to associate her child with fun. Over time it stuck. She still not that chatty but she's more confident. Like you, one of DD's siblings is much younger so it was harder to do the same. So I improvised. It was better for DD as she couldn't cope with more rejection if someone said no to a trip I'd organised. Having the gift cards were something she could keep, knowing that when the time felt right she could offer it.

It will feel easier to meet friends online/gaming etc. But I agree that it is so much better to have one or two real life friends to get out with. I hope it works out.

My DS was a like this at that age. I used to worry, but he was actually quite happy in his own company, he played the Xbox, but was also into Lego, Sci Fi, etc. He's not sporty at all.

How about scouts? DS did this for a few years and enjoyed it and made some new friends (although no one that he saw outside of scouts!).

You'll probably find that as he gets older, he'll make a small group of friends. DS is doing performing arts at college now and has more friends now as he's found like minded people. He's still nowhere near as social as DS2 though, but is perfectly happy.