Home alone overnight - what age?

[Aragog]

Just wanted to see how others feel about teens staying home overnight, without parents.

DD is supposed to be at a sleepover this weekend with 3 other girls. All are either just turned 16 or about to soon, all Y11.

DD has just told me that friends sibling and parent will now not be there overnight - she knew she needed to check this with me and I do believe she has only just found out. Two of the girls have stayed home alone overnight on other occasions, including the one who's place it is.

They're going to a party (meal at a restaurant) in town then they'd be walking to the apartment from there - also in town - earliest evening I think.

They'd then be in the apartment overnight without any adults.

DH feels fine about it - says there are all very sensible girls and they'd not get up to anything, that the apartment is secure, and there is an entrance hall and corridor for only 2 or 3 other apartments, all locked from the street, as well as the apartment itself being locked. However, equally, he is halo to say no if I am not comfortable with it and he says he is happy to pick her up late on instead - and she can use the excuse of revision/Sunday plans to her friends.

I'm just not sure I feel overly happy about it. DD is 15y. I was definitely older before I stayed home overnight with an adult being there. She stays home alone during the day and evening, has babysat til 11/12 at night etc. But overnight seems like a big jump. I don't know any friends with teens who have left them overnight, so not sure if it is the done thing or not.

So, what do people think? What age is the right age?

I personally would check that the parents are aware of all the plans for their home!!

I would say 16 depending how mature she is.

The parents are aware of the sleep over. They were aware of it before they wouldn't be there, and still are. I've seen texts about it.

CeeCee - DD will be 16y in a just under a month's time.

If they are sensible I wouldnt have a problem with it. When I was 15/16 my parents would go away for occasional nights and I would have my best friend stay with me as I did not want to be alone at night. Nothing awful ever happened.

It might actually be a good opportunity for her to stay alone overnight with you nearby. If anything happens she can call you whereas if she was home alone for the first time while you had gone away for the weekend or something, you wouldn't easily be able to help/get back.

Bless her for letting you know! I’d say that act alone makes her mature enough 😊 but check with the parents just incase the sleep over is unofficial and your dd doesn’t know that bit.

Oh and as they are walking home in the evening, she needs to give you a quick text to say they all got in ok.

Thanks for the thoughts so far. I will have another chat tonight with her before I decide.

frasier - she is pretty good tbh, always tells me about things like this.

As I said I am pretty sure the parents are aware. I don't have a number for them, but DD is going round earlier in the day when they are supposed to still be at home, so we would check then too, if I decide yes.

I was 14/15 but my mum trusted me - depends on that I guess.

DS was 17 nearly 18, but wasn't just overnight it was for ten days.

He did stay for a weekend without adult supervision at 15 but was with a mature friend age 17.

I don’t know, she seems very sensible but are you sure her friends are too?

I am afraid I have seen so many kids saying they would be at some place and being in a completely different one (or consuming things you really do not want them to consume) once there were no adults to check in with.

I would be very tempted to suggest for them to go out as they pleased but to have the sleepover at mine.

NotSure - I could do, but that way DD would have to give the real reason for not staying over. I don't want the other parents to think that they are being judged.

To be fair the 4 girls are all very sensible - one we know very well, the other two less well but have met them and heard lots about them. They are all more concerned with GCSE prep than most other things at the moment tbh.

Lemoney - I do trust DD. She is sensible and mature for her age. Not streetwise particular.y, but would keep calm and get on with things if she needed to.

13 the first time but with stringent plans.
Since then 15/16 for a couple of nights, still with backup though.
Not sure about a party, that's a different thing altogether.

I can't remember if DS was 13 or 14 for the first time, I do remember he was 15 when it was more than 1 night and 16 when I was in another country for 2 nights thou.

IHaveBrilloHair - the sleepover isn't part of the party really. The party girl is supposed to be staying over - well, she will be checking tonight too I guess due to the change of circumstances of no parents being there. - but it isn't actually party based. The sleepover was originally planned before the party of the other girl was organised iirr. The party is earlier in the evening and for several more girls too.

Then I would probably say yes

I would say yes to my 16 yr old but she is so very mature and I trust her completely.

I also moved out when I was 17 and bought my first house at 18 so she's not too far off that. They will all be together so it's not like she will be alone, or with a lad!

I’d be ok as long it was girls only and the parents knew. I was 18 until I did it at my house but we had sleepovers at a younger age and I don’t even know thinking back - if parents were there!! My mum never asked me so I never thought to check.

Sounds fine to me. She sounds very mature.

Thanks all. I have agreed that she can stay over. Bless her, she was so obviously delighted and not expecting me to say yes - it was written all over her face even though she didn't really say much except thanks. Friend's mum is sending me a message apparently to confirm that they are happy with it, though I have seen texts that show she already knows and was happy with it.