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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Violence from Teen son

6 replies

Lulu98 · 14/03/2018 17:23

Hello all x I'm at my wits end. I'm a single mum of two teens son 16, daughter 15. The issue I'm having is with my son. For the last two to three years he has become more and more insular. Spends most of his time on the Xbox (damn thing, I wish I'd never bought it). He has become progressively violent towards to me and our (rented) house. He also has some issues with his weight. He is very tall, at least 1 foot above me (6ft 2 inches) and weighs about 20 stone. I worry so much for him as he just doesn't care. He eats so much, despite me cooking, he will just continue to eat. He drinks gallons of energy drink, which I LOATHE and will sneak down to eat when I'm in bed or at work. The violence starts when I ask him to do anything at all. It starts with the shouting, then he'll slam doors or punch them or both. I try not to take all the horrible things he says (He hates me, wishes I was dead, wishes he could leave etc) to heart and I really try to bite my tongue. It's reached a point where I have started to miss work because he's hit me and in my job as a carer, it's important for me to be on top of my game. I'm separated from kids Dad and he has them every other weekend. He's only like this with me. He's doing ok at school and has a good circle of friends. I've been to the docs and at first I got the "typical teenager". I need some help as I've had to take the last couple of days off work due to sore ribs and now I'm frightened that I'm going to lose my job. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly

OP posts:
Mary21 · 14/03/2018 18:42

It might be worth looking up non violent resistance. Also inform him you will call the police every time he is violent towards you and follow through. On that fronit might also be worth calling the police for general advice

AlphaNumericalSequence · 14/03/2018 18:50

I agree with the previous poster that you should call the police each and every time he is violent towards you.

It may well be that your son has diffiulties that he needs professional help with. But you can't focus on that until you have taken steps to protect your safety. Also, it will be helpful for him to know that there are firm boundaries that he cannot cross without consequences.

It might be worth contacting your school to see if they have a parental liaison officer who can help you by talking things through with you and helping you to initiate contact with CAMHS and social services if that should prove necessary.

Sorry you are going through this. Look after yourself and get all the help you can - including from your son's dad, who needs to help you to communicate that this in not acceptable behaviour.

HopeClearwater · 14/03/2018 19:27

You’ve had good advice above - but how is he getting all the food and energy drinks, and how does he pay for them?

Lulu98 · 14/03/2018 20:13

Hi there x thanks for your kind words. To answer the question as to how he gets his money. He steals it from me. No-one else. It's just me he hates x

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AlphaNumericalSequence · 14/03/2018 20:56

It may be that you are the only person he cares about enough and trusts enough to let loose his 'hatred' on.

If he is feeling really down about himself (as many teens are), and perhaps about his weight, he could be lashing out at you in desperation -- because you are the person he has always looked to to 'fix' everything for him in the past, and now he is facing things that you can't fix.

That's all a bit speculative, I know; and I'm probably just projecting on to your son some of the thoughts I had about my son when he went through a similar patch. He didn't hurt me but he did bash holes in doors, throw stuff at me and physically crowd and corner me.

It might be helpful for you to know that he did 'come out the other side' and become a gentle, empathic, considerate person. He has been diagnosed with various problems and life is still very hard for him, but as he has become older the violence and harshness has gone.

Lulu98 · 14/03/2018 21:42

When he's good, he's amazing. We cook together and we chat shit and my heart bursts with with love and pride for him. Then it can change in seconds. We go from laughter to tears in no time at all. I adore him but then he starts. He scares me. His sister is the exact opposite. The only difference is, she's not scared of him. I'm supposed to be the adult yet I regularly find myself being comforted by a 15 year old x

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