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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenager not wanting to come on holiday

48 replies

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 12/03/2018 09:30

DH has a significant birthday this year which we've booked to go away for with our 4DC. Since we've said we'll be going away DD (15) has been adamant she won't be coming with us. She'd rather spend the week at her grandparents even though we normally have to drag her there!
DH is hurt that DD doesn't want to spend time with him on his birthday but we know we can't force her to come with us.

How old were your DC when they stopped joining you on family holidays?

OP posts:

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 12/03/2018 11:40

Iamagreyhound- A friend and I did babysitting to raise money to go on an adventure weekend/PGL style trip instead. Stayed with her parents the night before we went and the night after.
We didn't have family members to babysit etc.

I was 16 when they left me alone at home on holiday. Yes I had parties. Yes I missed out on 'family time' which they still gripe about to this day "Remember the time we went to... oh no you weren't there "
But it was great for my own independence and self esteem.

If they'd booked somewhere where I could have done my own thing or taken a friend then maybe I would have went, but as a 14 year old I just wasn't interested in getting stuck with my younger sister.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/03/2018 12:03

That sounds fair enough, Troll. I just have difficulty believing a 15 year old is refusing to be with her family on holiday but is happy to choose staying with Granny as an alternative

frenchfancy · 12/03/2018 12:07

My Dd (18) stil comes with us . Everyone gets a say in where we go. Holidays are some of our happiest times as a family.

Faultymain5 · 12/03/2018 12:16

Not wanting to hijack but my soon to be 16 year declared he didn't want to come on anymore holidays.

But I thought he was being unreasonable. I thought GCSE year a holiday would be a nice break. I might be wrong.

He definitely has to go to country of origin next year, so before we book with him I might leave him with GPs and (save some money in the process).

Gutted cause we didn't go anywhere last year because of building works.

Still might suggest a City break though (last ditch attempt).

NorthernSpirit · 12/03/2018 12:19

Agree with the above poster.

She’s 15, she’s a child and you are being dictated to. You and your husband are adults, you decide.

She’s too young to stay on her own and I think a week is too long to stay with the grandparents. This is a special family holiday and she can’t decide to not be part of that. Children are inherently selfish - she’s 15, she needs to start considering other people’s feelings.

DarthNigel · 12/03/2018 12:21

I was made to go on family holiday (just me and parents as my siblings are much older) when I was 15. I begged not to go. I knew I would be bored and I was. I then got moaned at for not having a good time. If she doesn't want to go then don't make her-none if you will enjoy it.

ZenNudist · 12/03/2018 12:53

My dad was awful so i was only too glad to stay with my gran she bouggt be expensive ice cream and i stayed in my room listening to my music loudly. I great memories and it was lovely when now long dead dgm looked after me. I also worked in her shop for money. I dont regret missing the family holidays after that and dsis stayed home with me when we were 16 and 17.

Keehar256 · 12/03/2018 13:41

We're going without DD nearly 15 for the first time this year. Offered her the choice and she has chosen to stay at Grandparents. She's got an activity holiday in august with Explorer Scouts and I said I'd take her to London for a few days half term to make up for us going without her.
I will miss her, but she'd be bored if she came with us and TBH it will be nice to just please ourselves without worrying about whether she's enjoying herself too. I think it's a sort of nice milestone really. Also means we can go in term time and save ourselves a fortune! What's not to like?

Sundance2741 · 12/03/2018 21:20

When I was 16 I refused to go on holiday with my family and chose to stay at my grandparents instead. My excuse was I had exams coming up and needed to revise. Spent a very dull week stuck having to revise all the time (my grandmother revered the whole idea) while my grandfather was at work. I was 70 miles away from home so no friends around. My gps went to bed at 9 leaving me watching TV alone - something I had never done before (we only had one TV at home and all watched together). I loved my gps but couldn't wait to see my family again!

inchoccyheaven · 13/03/2018 21:10

my dc haven't wanted to go on holiday since they were about 5! we obviously did still take them but when my ex and I split up over 4 years ago my eldest (17) has not been on holiday since and last year i told ds2 (15) that he wouldn't have to come again.
last year was first holiday abroad we had ever gone on and wasn't worth it for him as he hates the heat but my dw and her dc wanted to go abroad and as I'd never had holiday abroad before decided we would go too.
Some people just don't like holidays and now they are old enough to stay home for while on own I won't be making them come.

Threehoursfromhome · 13/03/2018 21:21

I stopped at 13. My older sibling was working and going away with friends, and I didn't want to be the sole audience/ buffer for my parents' bickering.

Never regretted it.

expatmigrant · 13/03/2018 22:01

We can't get rid of ours. They're 24 and 17 and still come on at least one big family holiday a year. The fact that we're paying might have something to do with it too [grin}.

theredjellybean · 13/03/2018 22:03

Us too expat... Dd23, dsd21, dd and dsd both 18...still coming on two weeks summer holiday and annual ski trip

expatmigrant · 13/03/2018 23:03

yes jellybean they don't half love a paid for ski trip!

LeighaJ · 13/03/2018 23:28

My husband stopped when he graduated from Uni, so about 21 was the last time I think. We've been invited to go with the family but we don't want to if it's to European beaches because his Mum sun bathes topless. 😧

toffee1000 · 13/03/2018 23:41

Honestly it depends on the child and the family. Some children are happy to go on holiday with their parents until they leave home (so around 18-22 odd), some start not wanting to go at 13/14.
I can see why you’d want your child to go, but if they’re going to moan, it won’t make for a fun holiday. You’re going to have to sort something out, you can’t force them and then expect them to be all cheery and happy about it.
I’m sure your DD doesn’t dislike your DH or really want to not spend time with him on his birthday, she just doesn’t want to go on holiday. You could possibly find an activity to do that she’d enjoy.

DrCoconut · 13/03/2018 23:55

DS1wont come abroad with me as he's petrified of flying (SEN so not as easy as telling him to get a grip). He goes to grandparents on the rare occasions it's necessary. I only fly once every 10 years or so! He's 19 now but younger developmentally.

AnnabelleLecter · 14/03/2018 00:00

DD was 16 when she last went on holiday with us, which was early last year. It was actually a lovely holiday.
Then last summer just before she was 17 she went to a festival with friends. This year she's going with her boyfriend abroad.
Even if you choose the most teen friendly place on earth, there still comes a point when most would rather go with friends, boyfriend or stay behind.

FanSpamTastic · 14/03/2018 00:00

What kind of a holiday and with who? I refused to go on holiday aged 15 with my dad, step mum, step brother and 2 brothers. It was a week in a caravan on a beach in England. My period was due and I had literally no desire to have to explain why I was not swimming or to have to deal with disposal of sanitary products in a caravan full of boys. I point blank refused to go and had a very pleasant but dull week at home!

RealityHasALiberalBias · 14/03/2018 00:04

I stopped going on holiday with family when I was 16, but on the last one a friend came along and we had a good time in our own little teen world. Is that a possibility?

PinkCrystal · 14/03/2018 00:08

Icequeen01 · 14/03/2018 00:19

Our DS18 will be coming with us as usual this year. We are going back to a villa in Cyprus that we had last year. It worked perfectly. DS doesn't get up before midday so DH leave him sleeping and go off and do something we like. We usually get back around lunchtime and then he joins us either slobbing around the pool or comes out with us. I think he will really appreciate the downtime this year. We fly back early hours of the day his A level results are due 😁

Ledkr · 14/03/2018 08:04

Dd is 16 and I'd not even thought about her coming.
We usually go for the whole summer in our van around France and Spain.
She normally has wifi, loves sunbathing and swimming and normally meets up with other teens too.
This year we are aware that she probably wants some of the holidays with her friends so will be doing a package deal somewhere for a couple of weeks and she's really excited about choosing where to go.

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