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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenaged son with sleep problems

29 replies

BollySBK · 05/03/2018 17:56

Hi - firstly I've never posted on here, so please bear with me if I say the wrong thing!

I'm looking for some advice please. My son (13 1/2) is having some real issues getting to sleep. He's dead to the world once he drifts off, but it can take a very long time to get there. It's getting him down, me down, and certainly isn't making day to day life easy for him.

Here's what we have already tried - and this is an ongoing problem, months - probably nearly a year:
Removing phones, tv, xbox for at least three quarters of an hour pre 'lights out' time.
No food for an hour before sleep.
Milk before bed.

Visited doctors - reiterated everything we are already doing.
He's had counselling and mentoring through school, as he's been through some depression - low level, but irrespective of that, nonetheless.
We talk a lot - about good things and the things that worry him, so he can get things off his chest.

He's got a low light, a lava lamp, and plug lights, as he used to hate the dark, and he does say that they help (one used at a time).

Warm room / cold room / sleeping bag to feel cosy - you name it I've tried it.

I really am at the end of my tether (as he is) as I worry that he's going through it all badly. Oh, and he's active too - football x 2 a week, PE at school x 2 a week, and then in the hols he's outside all the time, biking, playing with mates, we walk the dogs, he sails, and is generally active. His growth is 'normal' and he's doing OK at school - although as with many boys of his age it's all 'boooooorring'....

What can I do now?!? I've not resorted to Phenergan - and refuse to, to be honest as I don't think it's appropriate at his age.

Any advice would be very welcomed - thank you so much.

PS - I always get him up on time for school and he's never been late, but I do let him sleep in at the weekends as he's so shattered.

OP posts:
Makingworkwork · 05/03/2018 18:01

Has he tried guided relaxation? You can get videos on youtube

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 05/03/2018 18:50

What time is bedtime? Making it later might reduce the pressure to go to sleep.

Original poster
BollySBK · 05/03/2018 19:42

Thank you to both - excellent ideas.

Literally a search on 'guided relaxation' via YouTube?

He's currently going to bed at nine, encouraged to read or talk to me or just chill (none of the electronics as above) by 9pm then lights out by 9.30. Do you think this might be too early?

Thank you again.

OP posts:
Luckything50 · 05/03/2018 20:06

Had perhaps 3-4 years of this from age 10-13 and now 14 but I think we're coming to the end of it. I tried all of the above, including Phenergen as he got so distressed I was prepared to try anything. He's now 14.5 and he goes up at 10.30 on a school night and anything before midnight on Friday and Saturday. This is too late Imo but he does sleep without stressing about it and that is more important than a number on a clock, and he will also sometimes take a Kalms herbal tablet, more for the placebo effect really. Oh and he also has a hi-carb snack and milk before bed which helps I think- esp in teenagers a full belly is important.
I read many articles by parents whose kids didn't sleep until 1:00 or 2:00 and I was determined to avoid that. Think we've broken the cycle to some degree but I also think like so many things it's hereditary- dh has always struggled to sleep.

Original poster
BollySBK · 05/03/2018 21:16

Thanks so much Luckything.... I did think of herbals and of course Phenergan is apparently only on prescription now.... Really helpful and put my mind at ease...

OP posts:
butterfly990 · 05/03/2018 22:08

Would a SAD lamp help? I am thinking of purchasing on my daughter. www.amazon.co.uk/Lumie-Vitamin-Lightbox-Effective-Therapy/dp/B073P2WNDS/ref=sr_1_6_a_it?keywords=sad+light+therapy&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1520286682&sr=8-6

My daughter's therapist told us to get a fitbit to monitor her sleep patterns. Lack of sleep can make you depressed, anxious. The therapist said that once her sleep was sorted the rest will follow.

SisterNotCis · 06/03/2018 10:35

While wanting to feel cosy, is the bedroom temperature too warm? A slightly open window cold help in more than one way.
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/12118342/Teenagers-smelly-bedrooms-could-be-fuelling-insomnia.html

Original poster
BollySBK · 06/03/2018 10:58

Thank you Butterfly and Sister... Both really good ideas, really appreciate your advice 😀

OP posts:
italiancortado · 06/03/2018 11:04

His bedtime is far too early. Let him stay up an hour and try to take he focus off sleep as that only makes things worse.

My teens are often awake for ages after they go to bed, it's never been a problem as such.

Original poster
BollySBK · 06/03/2018 14:28

Yes I guess that's a good point re the timings, I'll try and elongate it and see what happens. Thank you!

OP posts:
TheRollingCrone · 06/03/2018 14:39

Weighted blankets!

Original poster
BollySBK · 06/03/2018 15:05

Haha!!! Good one!! 😀😀

OP posts:
ihatethecold · 06/03/2018 15:16

Following.
My dd has trouble getting to sleep.
She is so knackered that by 9.15ish she wants to go to bed.
Some nights she tells me she is still awake at midnight.

Everything is switched off electronically. Just like you op we follow good sleep rules but some nights she really struggles.

BluebellTheDonkey · 06/03/2018 15:21

My 13 (almost 14) yr old has had a 10pm bedtime for a while now. Any earlier and he can't get to sleep. By 10pm he's ready to drop off.

Penfold007 · 06/03/2018 15:25

RollingCrone makes an excellent suggestion. Recent studies have shown that weighted bedcovers really do help poor sleepers.

SeaToSki · 06/03/2018 15:29

You could try some melatonin. My GP suggested it for my 13yr old DS. In the US you can buy it over the counter and comes in 1g pills, I started with 1g for him and then after 2 nights went up to 2g and it worked like a charm. After a couple of weeks he went back to 1g for 2 nights and then stopped. He has had a few more blips since, but a quick blast of melatonin always resets him.

I use chamomile tea and lavender scented baths for myself. I also have a lavender essential oil rollon thingy that I put on my wrists and neck before bed. (DS thinks lavender STINKS so it didnt work for him!)

One last option, could he have achy legs? Sometimes kids get so used to things they dont notice them as unusual anymore. If he does, try daily magnesium supplements and a half dose of ibuprofen half an hour before bed

Original poster
BollySBK · 06/03/2018 15:37

Wow... Everyone's so helpful, thank you. I really feel more equipped now with some choices and options. Yes achy legs were an issue and we've done the physio thing as he had Oshgood Schlatters (sounds far worse than it is) but that's decreased hugely. Lavender is a v good point. Deffo going to try a later time. I'll come back with news on how it's going. Many, many thanks to all Smile

OP posts:
FakeMews · 06/03/2018 15:39

I do think that bedtime is too early. He is reaching that odd teenage stage where they become night owls and struggle to get to sleep. When DS1 started with that I thought it was a ruse to get a later bedtime but it wasn't.
Having said that he still has problems sleeping sometimes. This is useful.
He has found that a warm bed and a cold room are the optimum.
The Youtube is a good idea. DS has used this one Ostrowski Fenton

kinorsam · 06/03/2018 16:00

Lavender is good btw.
Other PP's suggestion that bedtime is too early could be right. There's no point in him lying there for hours if he isn't tired, he might just as well go to bed later.
There isn't anything worrying him at school at all, is there?

WorkingBling · 06/03/2018 16:07

Agree re later bedtime - just to put less pressure on.
Not sure if this is appropriate for the age, but what about audio book on? I have a friend who found this incredibly helpful with her (admittedly much younger) daughter. It didn't have the stimulation of a screen but her dd would generally just drift off and she'd come in and turn it off.

Ollivander84 · 06/03/2018 16:40

There's some hypnosis sleep apps which might be worth a go? Yes to weighted blanket, I just pile loads of covers on Grin

Original poster
BollySBK · 06/03/2018 16:52

Thank you all again... Bedtimes now pushed back and lavender spray bought... Audio book... Like that idea v much. He loves reading so this may be looked on as a good thing. School is currently OK, but good point kinorsam. Thank you fakemews for the websites, really useful. Will research hypnosis apps too. So glad I shouted for help Smile

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 07/03/2018 13:50

Another vote for audiobooks, even if they don’t help him get to sleep as such, they’re a great way to relax in bed with the lights out and your eyes shut.

NotAgainYoda · 09/03/2018 06:39

I also think 9pm may be too early for him to be going to bed. I have two teen boys and he's often asleep on the sofa at 9 whereas the other one has can't get to sleep until at least 11. Reducing anxiety about that should be the goal. Going to bed later and audiobooks helped

AjasLipstick · 09/03/2018 06:47

My DD is 13 and had the very same issues...like you we tried everything. In the end we completely removed all restrictions apart from what she could eat and drink (no sugar!) and she now self-manages and goes to bed between 10 and 11.30pm

She wakes up every day at 7 on the dot and there's no more angst.

I also told her...if she is lying sleepless in bed, to get out....not to lie there for more than 15 mins or so because that makes you associate your bed with being awake.

We put a two seater sofa in her room....no lying on her bed watching videos or reading...the sofa is there for that.

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