Parties

[Doryismyname]

I just wondered what your views are on parties at age 13/14. Some of DS school friends have been having birthday parties either in a hired hall or at their home. Invites seem to be by social media or word of mouth. The invites are highly coveted and being on ‘the list’ gives major social kudos. However, stories from some of these parties seem to be pretty hairy - uninvited people showing up, things getting out of control, property damage, alcohol, cannabis, fights etc.

My first thought is why would a parent would want to host an event that could end up like this? Allowing teens to invite friends to a hall via social media is probably not going to end up being like a 8 year old kids birthday party. Are these parents just incredibly laid back or just naive? My second thought is that although I have no problem with DS hanging out with his mates, I am dubious about parties at this age as they seem to be badly organised and always seem to end with trouble.

Am I being overly strict saying by no to these kind of things for now? I would appreciate your thoughts wisdom as I am just at a loss with it all.

13 may be a bit young but 14/15 seems to be the age that these things start. It’s difficult to try and find where your boundary is on this as teens often provide half or a different story about event details. I believe it’s about giving them some independence but with some caviats and advice before about certain scenarios (what to do). This is a whole new area of new experiences and the teens will push the boundaries in a lot of cases! 😬 Good luck (I am still trying to work it all out myself)!! X

Seems young! Bit older around these parts for parties with booze, 15/16.

I've usually taken the attitude that you have to let them go but talk, talk, talk and then a bit more, hoping at least some of it will sink in re: booze, drugs, sex. And I always collected mine, wouldn't let them stay at mates after a party as I was pretty sure they'd drink more if they knew they weren't coming home.

Then they get to 17 and the fake ID to get into pubs begins ......

The joy of teen parenting 😂😳

My DD15 had an end of mock party at our house last night. 12 teenagers here, boys and girls. I supplied pizza, snacks and soft drinks. I then left them to it and hid in my bedroom with my laptop, bottle of wine, chocolate,headphones and the dog! 7 stopped overnight ( I had agreed to that ) They tidied up and washed up before they left this morning!! It depends on your child and their friends.
My DS now 23 had one at home for his 17th, we went out ( only round the corner ) he called the police on his own party when people turned up uninvited and wouldn't leave.

Mine has been to several 14th parties and these are either sleepovers with a few friends, or at a restaurant of some kind. It's usually older 15/16/17 yr olds that have parties with alcohol, and all the ones I've known about have been a select number of kids, at a house with parents supervising, maximum 2 bottles of alcopops or cider each, and anyone getting too drunk or out of control is promptly shipped back home. I suppose it depends if your ds wants to be part of the 'popular' crowd who get invited everywhere, or would rather have a small close group of friends who hang out together.

Thank you for your replies. I think the consensus is that 13/14 is too young, which is also my gut feeling. I really don’t think that all these parties are organised with alcohol in mind but I cannot always be certain of this as I no longer know all the parents. It seems that the plan is the usual pizza, soft drinks and music but some kids either sneak booze in or drink before they arrive or uninvited kids show up and cause trouble.

I am finding it really difficult to find the right balance at this age. Parents seem to be either really permissive or really overprotective and 13/14 year olds are either trying to be incredibly grownup or still very young. It was so much easier when they were 7

Your DCs sound very sensible @needmysleep

15/16 Where we are. I paid for a disco in a nightclub for DD 16th - it ran from 7 - 10pm when the club opened its doors to general public - and dominos pizzas got delivered. Cost an arm and a leg but they had bouncers on the door etc so no worries for me. Then i had done my bit and it was all.over!

My dd went to a number of 13 year old discos in a hall bur it was all very civilised and parents present. I am not aware of any descending into what you describe, so isn't it down to the parents? I wouldn't let her go if it was as you described

I am aware of a 14th birthday party here where the mother provided alcohol. I was really quite shocked

Mine (14) were invited to a party this year and they both declined as they felt it wasn't really something they were ready for. Rumour had it that the party was pretty wild - the mum is pretty laid back but a lovely person. I'd let them go in future but we'd have a chat beforehand and I'd be ready for the phone call.

Before becoming the parent of a teen I would have assumed most people would have thought that alcohol was a bad idea at this age. Aside from the risks of being ill, getting hurt and taking stupid risks it is very damaging especially when they are still growing. It’s one thing giving your own teen booze but another to provide it for others without their parents consent.

It’s one thing giving your own teen booze but another to provide it for others without their parents consent. I agree but have been forewarned that it is very common around these parts!

Yes I was shocked at a 14th party, a 16th less so.