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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS hopeless with money

29 replies

Dotty342kids · 02/03/2018 07:47

My son is 15 next week. Has had own bank accout for couple of years, which weekly pocket money gets paid into, with cash card. He has a track record of using this money on things like Costa/snacks/sweets etc. Never really manages to save up for anything significant.
He does have occasional part time work and I ensure a proportion of any money earnt from this goes into a separate building society acct.
Anyway, we noticed (via husbands credit card statement) yest that since Christmas he's spent around £80 on add on games and extras for a game he plays on his Xbox. He didn't ask us if he could buy this stuff, he just used the card details that were stored on there. This has happened a couple of times before (phone games or xbox) and we've bollocked him, made him repay money etc and thought he was past this behaviour. (Hence feeling we could leave card details stored on there)
It really saddens and worries me as he's supposed to be saving up to replace his totally knackered phone, and now he's had to use his small amount of savings to repay us.
So even with the huge incentive of a new phone, that he desperately wants, he couldn't resist that 'in the moment' temptation to spend money (that wasn't even his to spend!).
This is very typical of him generally. If you offered him one chocolate now, or two chocolates later, he'd always opt for the instant gratification of one now. There's no ability to resist temptation/wait.
I worry about what will happen in just 2-3yrs time when he'll have access to things like credit cards, loans etc and how he'll cope with those... given his current aporoach.
Any ideas on how to help teens develop good money habits and attitudes gratefully received!
(As well as repaying what he's spent there will be a temporary Xbox ban being put in place too!)

OP posts:
italiancortado · 02/03/2018 07:48

This has happened a couple of times before

When of happened the first time you should have removed the card details!

Original poster
Dotty342kids · 02/03/2018 07:55

Thanks! We did.... but at some point you have to trust them again and we thought we could...

OP posts:
SciFiFan2015 · 02/03/2018 08:12

Impulse spending would be a good thing to stop now before he has a job and more money/ability to get into debt.
Martin Lewis website had a thing that shows you how spending little and often is bad. Maybe you could use that tool? I'll see if I can find it (even remember what it's called) and link to that.

SciFiFan2015 · 02/03/2018 08:13

It's called the demotivator!

www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/demotivator/

SciFiFan2015 · 02/03/2018 08:16

Oh and there's some great examples about compound interest online that might motivate. Good luck.

SavoyCabbage · 02/03/2018 08:19

There are two separate issues. One that he’s used the credit card when he absolutely knew he wasn’t to.

The second that he needs to manage his own money better.

Would it be better to I’ve him his pocket money in cash so he sees it as actual money, rather than it being on a card?

Original poster
Dotty342kids · 02/03/2018 08:33

Thanks for that link... I'll look at it later ☺

Re pocket money in cash... that's how we started off but he spent it as soon as it was in his hands, hence moving to bank to try to help him save it up!!

OP posts:
TooMinty · 02/03/2018 08:43

How much pocket money does he get and what is he expected to pay for himself?

I'm wondering if giving him more money but stopping paying for most things for him would work so he is forced to budget and understands the impact if he doesn't (ie he has to do without)?

For example, you pay for absolute basics only e.g. meals, school uniform, family days out. He pays for treats, casual clothes, going out with friends. If he has spent the money on a game then he can't go out with his friends/have fancy new trainers. I think the effect needs to be more immediate and it's important that you don't bail him out/feel sorry for him and buy him the new phone anyway!

VioletCharlotte · 02/03/2018 08:54

Surely, at 15, pocket money is for spending? How much do you give him? My 16 year old DS gets £15 a week which he spends on what he wants, I don't expect him to save isn't of it.

Original poster
Dotty342kids · 02/03/2018 08:56

He gets £5.50 per week. He contributes £5 a month towards his phone and has to buy birthday/Christmas etc presents out of that. If he goes out with friends he generally also funds that though I give him bus fares to get into nearest town.

We absolutely will not be funding new phone though agreement was always that'd he'd save up half and we'd pay the other half... (new phones are v expensive so he's already researched a less horrendously expensive model.) We feel we should stick to that agreement. BUT he's bound to get money for his birthday next week, so we're thinking of imposing a six week delay on the purchase of phone, so he can demonstrate that he can leave money in his bank acct and not just have it come in and go straight back out again....

OP posts:
Original poster
Dotty342kids · 02/03/2018 09:15

I agree violetcharlotte, that it's fine to spend picket money on bits and bobs, but he also gets bits of earnings, occasional tenners from relatives etc and he wants a new phone. Surely at 14/15 you have to start teaching them that if they want expensive stuff, they need to learn to save up for it?

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 02/03/2018 09:21

£5.50 is not a lot though is it? That's one coffee,a coke and a chocolate bar a week. And while I agree that £80 on gaming is a waste of money, well, it's his money that he's earned or had for his birthday, and he's spending it on his hobby.

Maybe see if you can get him to agree to save 10% of what he earns? It won't be much at the moment, but that's a good habit to get into for when he's 16 and can get a proper part time job and earn more.

Love51 · 02/03/2018 09:35

It isn't entirely clear - the £80 - whose £80 was it? Because if it wasn't his, I'd have the Xbox off him for a month and make him repay it. And a lecture about trust.

My parents gave us slightly more spending money than our friends, but expected us to budget everything except school stuff. It changed my priorities pretty quickly and I became quite tight with money. My brother went the other way and was bad with money well into adulthood (but excellent since he became a parent, well into his 30s). Same amount, same rules, but different people and different outcomes. We both got jobs from a young age as it wasn't enough, plus I was saving for a gap year from about 14.

onlyonaTuesday · 02/03/2018 09:42

I personally think that amount for a 15 year old is to small

Buglife · 02/03/2018 10:44

£5.50 a week is barely going to buy him a drink and a snack when meeting friends in town. So he’s not got a lot to save with. Some people aren’t great with money (and I’d say the majority of teenagers aren’t, they still find it hard not to impulse buy!) but it doesn’t mean they will be terrible for their whole life. If he’s spending £80 of someone else’s money that’s bad, but if he wants to spend his money on things he likes like games and doesn’t just save it because you think he should, then that’s his choice. But £5.50 isn’t even going to get him into a film never mind finance a day out with mates.

VioletCharlotte · 02/03/2018 10:48

Sorry I've just re read your OP. So the £80 was from our credit card, not his savings account? In that case I would be pissed off!

snewsname · 02/03/2018 10:52

I have one saver and one spender. They've been brought up the same.
No advice really. I'm just waiting till my ds grows up. There should be a consequence for using the credit card without permission.

Original poster
Dotty342kids · 02/03/2018 11:23

Yes, the £80 was via his dad's credit card!! As well as repaying that... he's losing Xbox access for next fortnight, at least.

Interesting comments about £5.50 a week not being enough. I kind of think if he wants more than that, he needs to be earning it now, not expecting it from us.... hence starting some p.t work.

OP posts:
onlyonaTuesday · 02/03/2018 11:25

He should have a little job, but he should also be studying for his exams.

seventh · 02/03/2018 11:28

He stole from your DH and your primary worry is how he manages his pocket money?

With the greatest respect I'm not sure that managing money would be my first worry.

But I agree with PP that he needs to have more pocket money.

I would get him to log all payments in and out on a spreadsheet until you are sure that he can manage effectively.

Buglife · 02/03/2018 11:37

Getting a job is fine, it isn’t very easy for 15 year olds though, most jobs specify over 16 and there aren’t a lot out there otherwise. And as pp says he’s in GCSE year? He’s got a lot on. I’m all for teens 16-18 getting a job but just giving £5.50 a week which covers nothing these days and saying “get a job if you want more” to someone his age is a bit harsh. What job are you imagining he gets?

He should be punished for the £80 and pay it back, get the card off the X Box rather than leaving it there as a test! But do think about what you actually expect him to pay for himself and whether £5.50 a week is enough. If you want him to save perhaps more for his weekly expenses and then he has to save some of the birthday/gift money.

DH and I were both pretty crap with money until our mid 20’s, It didn’t mean we got into any debt, Just were of the type to spurge early on the month and have a miserable end of month with no fun Grin but by 30 we had savings and bought a house. We just matured. 4 years later we have a few different kinds of savings accounts and love saving and financial planning. It’s valuble to teach a lesson about spending but I wouldn’t despair that because a 15 year old boy has poor impulse control around buying himself stuff he’s going to end up bad with money all his life.

Buglife · 02/03/2018 11:42

For example no Supermarkets in the U.K. employ under 16 years old. Most small corner shops want people who can work late and serve alcohol. I assume most shops want over 16’s too. If he’s just turned 15 he’s looking at perhaps a paper round if he’s lucky and they don’t pay much. Perhaps you could pay him for jobs around the house? I’d really look at what you think he could do employment wise at his age before you decide he can just get a job.

NotSoSprightly · 02/03/2018 11:45

He's 15, what do you expect? Confused To be saving for house and kids?

£5.50 a week is an absolute pittance OP, sorry but I think you're out of touch a bit. Especially as you make him fund everything!

sashh · 02/03/2018 11:48

OP I'm 51, I got £5 per week when I was 16. If he only has enough for a Maccy's with his friends he is not going to know how to deal with money.

Average is about £10.

You can get some 'children's' savings accounts with quite good interest rates. Get him a proper savings account and match his savings £ for £ up to what ever the price of the phone is. Make sure he can see it but can't get instant access.

In some ways an old fashioned BS passbook account is better because it is an effort to get money out.

Change the cc to his debit card on the X box then if he spends it comes out of his account.

If you can afford it could you put 1 year's pocket money into an account that transfers his pocket money to him each week. So he can see a goal. So Say he wants a phone at £100, his savings account (that you have total control over) starts with £286, if he takes the £5.50 at the end of the year he will have nothing, but if he takes £5 he will have £26 at the end of the year.

VioletCharlotte · 02/03/2018 11:58

He was absolutely in the wrong to steal money from your credit card, and should face some consequences for this.

But, going forward, I think £5.50 isn't really enough pocket money. Maybe give him more, but agree some jobs he can do each week to earn it? At 15 there are very few part time jobs they can do.

I give my 16 year old DS £15 a week and pay for his phone contract. He has to clean the bathroom every week and do some dog walking.

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