Leaving teenager and preteen in evening

[LeoTimmyandVi]

Hi,

Looking for some more advice on reasonable ages to leave my children on their own at home in the evening. The advice given last time was really helpful. I am a lone parent and don’t have any friends with same age children as mine only younger so hard to speak to people in real life!

My children are nearly 13 and 11 (in year 6). I work HCA bank shifts and at present pick shifts when my children are with their dad or my family can babysit. Late shifts are 1.30pm-9.30pm. I work 10 mins away so could be home fairly quickly in an emergency.

What ages would you be comfortable leaving you children from end of school until 9.45pm?

Just to add - I am not thinking of doing this imminently but more just a vague idea of when it would be appropriate.

I think it would be fine now, as long as the kids are ok with it.
You're not very far away. Is there a neighbour they could call if they did have a problem?

I also work shifts and have had to leave DD home alone since she was 13.
I keep in touch by text so I know where she is.She is sensible and can cook simple stuff for herself though will often wait and we have pizza.
She has my phone number so I have my mobile on vibrate in my pocket after 4pm,we have gone through what to do in an emergency etc and the neighbors know I work so would help if needed.

Thank you both - onlyoldontheoutside that is reassuring. My parents are also about 10 mins away if it was an emergency. My two can cook simple meals or could warm something in the microwave.

Lots for me to think on, thanks both.

First time one was just 12, the other coming up to 14.

No way at that age. End of school to 9.45pm is over 6 hours. In that time they'd have to let themselves in after school, get themselves something to eat, do any homework and get themselves ready for bed. They need parenting. Ok, they wont die if you leave them, but it isn't fair for them to do all of this without a parent about.
I'd say the youngest would need to be at least 14-15 and even then I'd be iffy about it.

“I'd say the youngest would need to be at least 14-15 and even then I'd be iffy about it.”

You wouldn’t leave a 15 year old and a 17 year old? Blimey!

Every now and then, fine at this age for us. Every day or more often than not home at 9:45, not so fine with that idea.....

Bertrand in an emergency of course I would, but not as a planned thing on a regular basis which is what I understood the OP was saying.

The being a bit iffy was when I was thinking about a 14 and 16 year old to be fair.

I think leaving a 15 year old is more dangerous than a younger child when their friends find out they're home alone

They sound like they would cope. It's not something that I would want to do every night - at any age - as they still need parenting, but once or twice a week would be fine. Especially if they have a clear understanding of not just how they need to behave, but what they need to do.

In fact I would set them routine chores that need to be done every day, regardless of which shifts you're doing. Max 20mins of chores - things like fold and distribute laundry, vacuum stairs, unload dishwasher. But on the days you're working late they get things done without being asked. Plus homework, of course. Sense of focus to the evening, not just hours of social media, and a sense of pride in oneself for being independent and indispensable.

And I would chat with them every day about how their evening went.

My son has been ok putting himself to bed in the evening from before he was 11 - sometimes I would sort out his dinner and go to a rehearsal before his Dad got home. The deal was always that he could say no if he didn't feel happy; perhaps as a result since at least 11 1/2 he's been absolutely fine with being left in the evening.

That's a bit different to getting home on your own as well, but I think he'd now, age 12, be absolutely fine with that if there was need. The important thing is to have dinner arrangements that your children are absolutely confident with. Having two of them together has some advantages as they will be company for each other.

I think you are right to be starting to think about this. I think from next year when they are both in senior school it could be quite realistic - why don't you consider actively developing their skills for the rest of this year towards being ready to do this, say, once a week at first. Doing bank shifts presumably means that you can try it out, and if it doesn't work well, wait a while before trying again.

I think it was when my sister and I were year 5/7, 6/8 that we had to let ourselves in and be independent for most of the evening, 3 days a week. Usually our mum was home by I think 7 (can't remember) but occasionally she got caught up. Our dad tended to try to avoid being around to help if she was going to be late ... Surprisingly I didn't notice at the time! She was being pressured to go full time in that job and cover areas further from home, as my sister finished primary school, but didn't like being home late all the time so ended up giving that job up and teaching from home instead. Still meant that as we got older we had to become more independent for dinner though.

Thanks to all for the additional comments. Yes, it is bank Work and I would try and pick up early shifts in preference to late shifts so I would be home at 3.15 then. It also wouldn’t be every night - once maybe twice a week at most. I am all for the idea of building the skills between now and later in the year and then just seeing how I feel then.

Thanks again all.

I too think they would cope.

To those saying that they wouldn't leave until 15 - I remember, very very clearly, my parents leaving me at home alone to for an entire day (literally) to go to something or other that I didn't want to go to. I, at the time, was 14 (a sensible 14, but still).

OP, if it's not every night, and they have the skills to cope in an emergency, they should be ok!!