Suggestions for depressed 17 yr old

[PassTheCherryBrandy]

Hoping some wiser folk than me have some suggestions for my depressed/anxious soon to be 18 yr old. Has struggled throughout secondary school and been treated by CAHMS for past couple of years and on fluoxetine. I got sent a letter last week saying she may have ASD traits and at uni could be looked at for this (am bit irritated that this is after 2 years of seeing her and now too late for any specific school support or assessment ). Now not wanting to return to school in yr 13 after recent half term. She seems so low and is not really caring what will happen. Have suggested not going to uni (as per plan and several offers made), leaving school to repeat year at college, apply to apprenticeships, get job. All rejected and very negative response from her. Am worried that she needs time to recover from being ill but don't know if I'm helping by pushing her to go and do these last few months before a level exams or being massively unhelpful and adding pressure she doesn't need and consequently making her more unwell. Any ideas or experience gladly received as feel
I am just stumbling about in the dark here.

💐 sorry to hear your dd is going through this.

Am bumping this and hopefully a wise MN will have some advice. Keep supporting her and take care of yourself too.

We managed to get a youth in a similar position through to the end of exams. (Not one of my dc, she lived with us for 18 months as she was unable to live with her mother, who was the biggest cause of her anxiety/ poor mental health). We didn't force. I kept it very light - nothing was ever set in stone, nothing final, take it day by day, plenty of time in the future to do whatever it is. In the end, she made it through and actually stuck to her original plan (is now in first year of uni).
She did have a very low period with some suicide intervention therapy, but mostly it was about removing long term pressures and reiterating short term choices.
I would actually recommend you don't let them short change her and to request she is assessed for ASD. It would be useful to know that prior to going to university so that you can have coping strategies in place.

Hi,
First, I'd let her know that she doesn't need to make any challenging decisions while she's ill. Life is long and life is very flexible. There's no rule that says you must do A levels within two years or go straight to uni. All sorts of very happy and successful people make their progress in their own good time.

the most important thing, by far, is for her to get well from depression and then, when she feels ready, if she wants to, look into any ASD assessments and support she might want.

Wrt getting better, you can best support her by recognising how profoundly physical the disease is. It's a bloody nightmare: the depth of exhaustion, the mud-for-brains, the incredible loss of motivation to bathe, eat, move, communicate in any way.

Help her towards a gentle routine of physical self care: a daily shower or bath; clean clothes and bedding. A daily walk in the fresh air is essential. Some form of physical exercise daily. Nutritious foods.

Tell her that if and when she feels ready to discuss or act on plnas for her future, you'll help her as much as she wants.

That's all you can do. Until she's well, it would be unfair to try and push any decision on her.

DS2 has ASD. We've been lucky. The school was well set up to support him and really has done. When time comes to look at unis, I will make it a priority to check what active support systems are in place for ASD students and make sure he applies to unis that will help him as much as the school has.

Thanks for the kind replies, you all sound lovely. I think you are all right, taking the pressure off and stressing that health is more important is the way I need to go. I also have depression and so you'd think I'd be good at helping her, but not so much recently Anyway, time to make a new plan and have a word with myself as my feeling guilty and like a bad mother aren't going to change anything. It's just very hard going day to day. It's been lovely to have responses! Thanks again.