DD 12½ is stealing money from me and DD 17

[whytespirit]

My DD 12½ would appear to be stealing money from myself and my DD 17's paper round money. At my wits end!!

I've not actually caught her red-handed but every time money goes missing, she miraculously 'finds' some - in her bag, in her coat pocket, a friend gave her £1 etc. I've had to lock my purse, DD 17 purse and paper round money in a cupboard to stop DD 12½ gaining access.

Last night DD 17 stupidly gave DD 12½ the key (I normally am the only one with key access but was away last night so gave it to DD 17) and, low and behold, money is missing! WHAT DO I DO NEXT!! She's been grounded for 2 weeks already; has lost phone & internet privileges and had her room black-bagged. I don't know what else to do???

She's lying to me all the time, and is SO convincing, I start to doubt myself - please help me guys :(

So she always denies it?

You could go down the route where you catch her out by writing serial numbers of notes etc before planting them somewhere, or you could find out why she needs the money. What does she spend it on? Do her friends have a lot more money? Does she lack self-esteem?

Why do you think she is taking it for?

I like the idea of taking note of the serial numbers and trying to catch her out that way.

I think she's taking the money to try to fit in with a new crowd. She moved up to secondary school last summer and always had a great bunch of friends, which she still has now, but there's new girls to hang out with - the kind I DON'T want her associating with - and I think she's trying to be 'cool' like them.

The money mostly seems to be spent on snacks and drinks, as far as I can tell

How much money does she have to spend usually?

Buy a UV marker and mark notes and coins, everything. If and when you catch her, frogmarch her to the police station. It might seem harsh, but speaking from experience it's best to catch it early before the behaviour is embedded or worsens - better to have a stern talking to from the police now than to get a record when she starts shoplifting or stealing outside the family. We didn't do this, we dealt with it within the family for a long time, but in hindsight wish we had just swallowed our embarrassment and sought help. It got an awful lot worse before it got better.

In our case, our dd was stealing to impress/buy friends, and if this is the case with your dd and she is receptive, it might also be worth seeking counselling or outside help to work on her self esteem.