14 year old behaviour 😪

[mumma24]

Just can’t cope with my 14 year old son’s behaviour. 😪

I have 4 children. 22, 18, 14 and 13. I have no issues with the other 3. So I think I’m a good parent. He was a very kind and loving boy but in the last Year he has changed. I try to talk to him and see there’s any issues effectting his mental health but no. He’s not being bullied as far as I’m aware. He’s seems to have lost interest in anything. He quit football, stopped going to the gym etc. He spends far too much time on his Xbox. Anyway we took his Xbox away from him yesterday for not bothering to do his homework and his bad attitude. This is an ongoing issue. His homework is important as he’s way behind other students of his age. He now won’t talk to anyone other than shouting abuse at me for not giving him his Xbox back. I’m getting text messages saying ‘I hate you’ he’s slamming doors. What happened to my lovely caring son 😪 He only thinks about himself. So selfish and rude. I have a very good relationship with his siblings and they are the opposite of him. What can I do to help?

I feel your pain my children also play up horribly if I take away their devices. stay strong, I honestly think it's like an addiction. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along in a minutes to offer advice to both of us.

If mine plays up when gadgets are taken away then he loses it for longer! It's worth not making the initial ban too long. If they get a month long ban their teen brain thinks why bother trying to behave!!

Take his phone away - stop all access to internet, he will soon wind his neck in and realise if he does his work - he gets privileges back.

I have to do this with my 15yr old. It works.

Also - don't give any 'pocket money' - he wants money - earn it. Simples

Sodding Xboxes, they are like crack for some teenagers!

I think you just need to stay really calm and non-reactive, don't retract the consequence or move the boundaries in response to his drama and don't escalate by shouting back or getting upset etc. Let him know that if he feels up to a calm, rational conversation about the situation, he knows where you are.

12-15ish is a really tough age for boys I think. Their hormones are all over the place and the Xbox really doesn't help (it doesn't burn off energy for a start)

for you, try not to take it personally. He doesn't hate you, he just wants his Xbox back, and he needs to get the message that there are requirements to fulfil before he gets it - you're in charge.

Sympathies and solidarity op

And yes, stay strong. I think 14 yrs is a very difficult and naturally selfish age! I guarantee he will mellow in a couple of days if you don't give it back!

My dd behaves like this sometimes when I take her phone away - but it is necessary - and she changes in to a different child without it.

Tell him if he can't regulate his own use of the x-box (proof = affecting school work) then you love him too much not to regulate it for him!

I find the most difficult thing is to ride above all the comments and not take them personally. I am not very well at the moment (preparing for op) and dd isn't mature enough not to hold my relative incapacity against me! It can be very hurtful, especially when one is not feeling on top of one's game! I never would have dared to say the things to my parents that my dd says to me, but I try and think of it that in a way it is the price we pay for having a closer relationship.

The other thing that keeps me going is that I read somewhere that adolescene ie the process of splitting away from your parents is a very natural one and those who are the most tempestuous are often the ones who find splitting away from their parents the most difficult, if that makes sense.

I am going to cut and paste that second paragraph of yours Greensleeves that is very good advice indeed!

I've 4 dc...3 are adults now..I never removed their things or took phones or turned of internet ..nothing was forced either..so they weren't made to do homework,,they did it because they wanted to ..we always had a supportive environment for them,we've never ever punished them..not once..honestly we've never had the school phoning to complain...one of the eldest has autism..so That made us have to be very calm and fair .I think when you punish and take stuff away it creates a bad atmosphere and more drama.we were always sort of ..how can we help ,when issues arose..not how can we punish

It is pretty helpful for kids to realise that they have a choice and that choices have consequences. Do your Hw then go on the x box. Don't do your HW and privileges are removed.

Hideous hormones. Is there anything else that could be affecting his behaviour ? Is he worried or anxious ? Could drugs be involved ? Behaviour is a form of communication so there could be an underlying issue he's not highlighted perhaps . I feel your pain x

I too am suffering with a 14 son. Don't get me wrong, things aren't a breeze with my 19 dd, but the boy - I don't know what to do. He keeps 'accidentally' breaking phones/controllers etc when he wants a new one. I don't have the money to replace them so he is always asking his dad (we're divorced). His father has actually blocked him as he is getting fed up with him. He used to be such a loving lad but recently - arrgghh. The xbox is driving him crazy, so I take it off of him for a short period of time. But sometimes he gets so angry and, to be honest, I get a little scared (he's about 5'10") and end up giving in. I know I need to be stronger but I do find it really hard.