How to bring up subject of DD doing NCS this summer

[DoinItForTheKids]

Hi all

DD is 15, 16 in Feb. I've started an application for her to do the NCS volunteering thing during the summer (but not mentioned this to her as of yet). My main reason is that last year she had some major friendship changes and she literally spent the whole summer on her own. It was really awful and whilst it won't be quite that bad this summer, she's still not got a lot of girl friends that she spends time with outside of school at the moment. I CANNOT have her hanging around for days and days and days and days and weeks on end, in her room, bored, lonely. And NCS looks like a good solution. Not only to occupy her time but also to expand the friends she knows and increase her confidence.

However, there are a couple of reasons this is going to go down like a bloody lead balloon. The main one is she will be horrified at the idea of going somewhere and having to make brand new friends. I don't have a clue how I'm to sell this to her, unless she can find someone else from her school who's also going. Secondly she's got a BF now. However, there's absolutely no guarantee of how much he'll be around, or they could split up (!) and then once again she'd be sat at home on her own. And I just do not want that for her.

What approach? I always respect her views very much but on this one, mum knows best, and I do want her to go and do this. It will do her good.

I'm so hesitant about raising it I've got to say and need to be ready with arguments to encourage it as preferably I'd like her to be somewhat on board with it, but I've got a feeling I'd have to just plain force her to go.

What do people think?

Another good thing about the Reading Hack: during quiet periods (when there are no children waiting to sign up or talk about their books) DS2 does admin tasks and basic librarianship tasks, so he gains work experience and skills.

TBH after dd finished GCSE I told her she would need to get a job

Took her a couple of days to get a job for the summer

She learnt masses about life in general, works with people of all ages, has matured and grown in confidence

Thesecondofhername

It will vastly depend on which library etc and who they are with but generally they can reshelve books but not a great deal else. TBH having worked in libraries with teens doing this I’m not sure there’s much going on in some smaller libraries - they may here two three children read at most

Once your DD is 16, it’ll
Be easier for her to get a job. Not many places would be interested before then. My DD barely does any social stuff these days, but am leaving it until after her GCSEs! She hates me nagging her. Either she’ll get into sixth form college and it’ll change, or she’ll have to start making effort in school
Sixth from - volunteering, joining gym, getting p/t job etc.

The thing is with all this 'just get her to go and get a job', she doesn't have the confidence to do face to face job seeking at the moment plus, anywhere we went they didn't want her until she was 18.

I could suggest she looks for a Sat job/internship linked to an area of health and beauty that she's really interested in - that might have legs.

Is the 'must be 18' age restriction there for jobs in waitressing eg for firms that do waitressing at weddings and events and the like (due to the alcohol being served)?

See, the 'who you know' effect is in full force round here. We went to a local pub and asked if they had any back of house eg glass washing jobs. Oh no, you have to be 18. We knew full well for a fact that her friend, age 16, already worked there. So the rules can be bent for people who are known to other people, but if you don't have the pre-existing relationship, you have no chance of getting the job. ALL the friends DD has who have jobs, they got them through people their mums and dads know as people who they know from having lived there since birth. I just don't have those connections.

That’s a shame re the job thing. It’s def not the case as I know of under 18s working in retail in chain stores on aSat. Dd not 16 til the summer so no point trying til then!

Totally understand to want to try to persuade DD to do NCS. It's a great experience for those that want to do it - DS2 signed up to himself following a presentation at school. DS1 absolutely refused to do it - just not his thing. Just different kids.

Do bear in mind that if your DD does get a job when she is 16 she might struggle to get the time off to attend NCS.

On the plus if she does do it she won't have to leave her BF all summer. DS's consisted of Mon - Fri at an outward bound centre, them home for a weekend, then another Mon - Fri staying at a local uni halls. Them two more weeks working on the community project back at home.....followed by lots of parties. The best summer ever apparently!

Just to add to this DS2 was not actually 16 until mid August so getting a job that summer was not really an option. He did however get an M & S one that autumn - it's worth looking out for their posts as they also pay the same rate regardless of age - over £8 an hour 😀

Thanks mumstaxi2, the experience you describe is kind of the ideal of what I'd like for her, if I can get her to do it.

I have asked the school to promote it, say how good it looks on college applications etc, and to try and help promote the idea of finding out about it but I'm not sure they've done a great deal. I think the format and how it take up a few weeks but not all at once and still gives plenty of time for social life, sounded like a decent option.

I'll have to broach the idea of creating a Summer Plan with her and we'll see how we go.

DS1 applied for more than 20 part-time retail jobs at the end of Y11, some online, some by post and some in person. He was not even invited for any interviews.

He did eventually get a Saturday job (part of the way through Y12) but that was through knowing the owner of the business.

I really hope that you can get your DD on board with NCS and totally understand why you would want to.

My DS did it 5 years ago and although several boys from school went, they actually got put into different groups.
They had a presentation about it at school which got them enthusiastic and it was so heavily subsidised that I paid about £40 for the whole thing, it was a no brainer.

He had the most brilliant time and is still friends with some of the people he met there.

Yes thesecond, that's I think what it would involve for DD. In any case, she'd not be starting looking for work I wouldn't think until at least after she'd finished her exams, not maybe even not until she'd been at college for a bit and got used to the routine and working at A level, her timetable and so on. For the 'keeping her occupied during the summer' scenario finding work won't meet the brief - when she does start looking though I'll tell her the importance of networking through her friends, her friends mum and dads and so on as this does seem to be how a lot of them find work.

marriednotdead I do hope I can get her on board as I too think she'd have a lovely old time once she got into it - if she can contemplate it in a positive light that is!

Just a thought - maybe ask your local NCS provider if they are going to be visiting local schools. Both my son's had talks in assembly by someone from the local provider. This seems to be standard practise as schools are keen to get their students involved and the NCS scheme is aimed at all young people not just those that have families that can encourage them to do it.

I will. I have been working with a teacher at school due to DD having friend problems and various other shite to deal with; I did ask again last week if they'd done anything themselves to promote it but I'll pop onto the NCS site and see if there's anyone on chat to ask about this. Cheers.

Lots of dds friends between 16 - 18 have jobs

Working in local independent businesses, one seems to get a job and then another couple go and work at the same place.

Chip shops, cafes, bakeries and one does some promotional work at NEC

@doinitforthekids

I think NCS is a great idea, my neighbour's daughter did it and really enjoyed it as well as giving her a confidence boost. Last summer, we were at a lake where a NCS group were doing the outdoor activity week and from what I saw the instructors work hard to get the kids to take part and support each other. There are youtube videos that promote it so you may want to show it to her and tell her, you are happy for her to do one week and leave if its not for her.
Although I agree that yes it should be her decision, I also think a firm nudge or plain bribery is not a bad thing. Some kids need this in order to experience those life changing moments. I was the kid who often said nah its fine I don't wanna and always regretted it when it was too late.

Oh and Tesco on the cash desk at 16 along with Starbucks - if they go to uni they can swap locations easily to continue earning

I'm really glad lots of youngsters you know have gotten jobs but DD has not found this to be the case. She's gone to the same places, places where she knows a friend works and been told 'she's too young to work there', we've been round the chip shops, local shops etc and again, got nowhere. But I do agree if she decides she wants a job she'll really have to apply herself to networking and jumping on any opportunities that he catches wind of.

There is no need to shout.,....
I am just unsure why if she 'wanted a job' YOU were taking cv's round!

I have a 16 year old and nearly 15 year old sons. I wouldn’t dream of making any arrangements for them without discussing it first.

My friend recruits people who do seasonal work. This is her pet peeve. Over invested parents who apply for things on childrens behalf only for her to contact the child and find out they have no idea what’s she’s going in about!

Ncs is not a massive success where we are due to students and 16 year olds getting jobs and preferring a wage.
I think it's a bit 'special snowflake' to say working the summer won't 'fit the brief'. They finish relatively early so the break should be around the two month mark- a long time for navel gazing. Ds2 had a job with whetherspoons where you can alter shifts and availability. Maybe that's a good idea?

I can’t imagine even making the decision to apply for DD when she was that age.

If she lacks confidence the very worst thing you can do is make a major decision like that for her - she’ll think you don’t believe she can do anything by herself.