Life spiralling out of control

[Ryebreadandwine]

I’ve posted before about my 15 year old. We’ve taken yet another turn. He just doesn’t bother going to school. He’s not gone in again today. School are on the edge of permanently excluding him. He’s hanging out with other kids who clearly don’t give a shit. He’s failed all his mocks. I’m on my own. The school couldn’t seem less interested. I feel completely alone. I don’t know what to do next. I have no real life support. How do I stop this? Can I stop it? I feel like he’s throwing his life away and I know he will regret it. Please help.

My ds was excluded at 14. After exh disastrous attempts to home Ed him (no attempt made by exh - ds willing) he ended up in a PRU ( pupil's referral unit). He took 5 gsce exams, passed and is now in college. In his case it had to get worse before it got better. Don't lose hope. Teen years can be turbulent. But ds saw the light as it were, and we are so very close now, he knew I hadn't given up on him. But he is nc with exh who lost faith in him.

Sadly he’s only got a few months left to get through his gcse’s. He’s latching on to these boys who all seem to have the same attitude. His father really doesn’t care about him. He has superficial relationships at this new school he’s at. If they send him to a pupil referral unit I really don’t think he will go. I think he’s trying so hard to fit in somewhere which is why these other boys who don’t seem to care are so attractive. He’s already said he’s not going to college because he can’t be bothered doing the work. I wish I could stop crying. I feel so sad about it all.

I know it’s drastic but when I got in the wrong crowd near where I lived and started to flunk at school as a last resort my parents upped and moved house, moved area totally, got me enrolled with a college doing administration, I couldn’t get in touch with the so called friends I had left behind and started anew! From Birmingham to shropshire. It was tough going for all the family but I couldn’t be more grateful, if they hadn’t I’d be a drug addict now without a doubt!! As it goes 20 years later I have a fab career, great family, live on a farm, have an incredible bond with my parents and a great future ahead of me! As I say I know it’s drastic but sometimes the only way to get away from people is just that... to get away from them. Whatever happens good luck and stand by him.

Thanks Hewie. I’ve considered upping sticks but I think he would just get on a bus and come straight back. I will do anything to help improve his prospects but I think he’s too far gone. He’s so immersed in this friendship group I don’t think he will let it go. Moving is an option but I honestly don’t think it will work.

I know it's not any use to you but I just wanted to sympathise, it must be incredibly worrying and I'm sorry you haven't got more support it makes it so much tougher.

The only thing you can really have any effect on is your own feelings and approach to this. If you can try not to think of it as 'throwing his life away' - I know it is very serious to fail GCSE's but it is not the end of everything. Exams can be retaken and kids can come back from a wrong turn even if they have gone a long way down that road.

I don't know your previous posts but if his Dad doesn't care about him and he hasn't got real friends to care about him that's probably a source of a lot of anger and resentment that was bound to come out in some way at some point.

Thanks Ruffian. I agree. I need to be less stressed by it. I know I’ll feel better when I’ve had time to process. His father is the main source of my sons low self esteem. His constant rejection of his child has been damaging. I love my son unconditionally and just want him to have a good life. I’ve had a long chat with a family member today. It’s made me feel a bit better. I really appreciate all the responses I’ve had on here.

DD was beyond challenging aged 13-16 but is now quite delightful. She was excluded from school was very defiant at home, regularly ignored curfews, emotionally black mailed , drank , smoked, and was very aggressive. She hit 16 and realised her friends weren't real
Friends, they turned on her. Since she's been almost reformed, she's still stompy and can be very urm mouthy but it's rare now.