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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

18 year old DD wants tongue piercing

39 replies

DannyOD · 21/01/2018 09:06

She is 18 next Monday and along with a tattoo she wants her tongue pierced. She has numerous other piercings (belly, nose, cartilage) and I am fine with that as well as the tattoo but I am just worried that a tongue piercing has sexual connotations or am I just out of date and it doesn’t mean that anymore?

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 21/01/2018 09:25

She’s an adult so should be able to make her own decisions.

However I wouldn’t employ anyone with a tongue piercing (as yes, I think it has sexual connotations). Years ago I had a brand manager who worked for me and it became problematic in the work place (male colleagues making comments). She was asked to remove it by HR.

Same for me with a tatto. They may be the fashion now but what about in a few years when the fashion has passed?

Personally I think that both look cheap.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 21/01/2018 09:26

If it does have sexual connotations then surely that’s ok? She’s over the age of consent and she’ll be an adult.

Have you talked it through with her?

EarlessToothlessVagabond · 21/01/2018 09:28

She s an adult. She can do what she wants. Unbelievable that a woman was asked to remove a piercing because men in her workplace were making (presumably sexual) comments. What punishment did they receive? Your reply sounds incredibly narrow minded NorthernSpirit.

BrawneLamia · 21/01/2018 09:28

She's 18 so can get it without your permission. They are easy enough to remove if she changes her mind about it.

Northern I am pretty horrified that your workplace thought that the woman with the tongue piercing was the problem and not the men making comments about it.

Isadora2007 · 21/01/2018 09:30

She is 18. So what if it has any sexual connotations? Though I wouldn’t inmediately go there with my thoughts on seeing someone with a pierced tongue.
She is an adult. She will have sex, you need to get over that issue as it is yours and not hers.

BarryTheKestrel · 21/01/2018 09:34

She's an adult. If she wants her tongue pierced there is literally nothing you can do about it. I had my tongue pierced at 19, I'm 28 now and still have it. Most people don't even realise I have it pierced, it's not obviously visible unless I stick my tongue out/open my mouth wide.

Northern I'm absolutely disgusted that a woman was made to remove a concealed piercing because men in the workplace couldn't keep their presumably sexual comments to themselves. She was being harassed and then was the one punished. Absolutely disgusting. I'm very glad I don't work for you.

Original poster
DannyOD · 21/01/2018 09:36

I know I can’t stop her, I know she will have sex but I don’t think she knew about the sexual connotations. I have talked to her and explained about it but she laughed and said that was probably what people thought ‘in the old days’!!! She never takes anything I say seriously at the moment!!

OP posts:
Theresnonamesleft · 21/01/2018 09:37

She's 18 so doesn't need your permission.

I am astonished that HR asked someone who was being sexually harassed to remove a piercing.

Both my DD's have their tongues pierced, plus other visible body piercings and tattoos. One is a manager in a customer facing role, the other works closely with the CEO of a Global company. They were both hired with piercings and tattoos and thankfully they work for companies that see past these.

Demiguisee · 21/01/2018 09:37

Even if it does have sexual connotations... She's 18?

But no, she's probably getting it because she thinks it looks cool.

Original poster
DannyOD · 21/01/2018 09:38

I must be cheap then Northern as I have four tattoos!! I love them, for me they are art. Some people hang their art some wear it. Smile

OP posts:
holidayqueriwifi · 21/01/2018 09:40

Tell her to google tongue piercing infections....

WidowWadman · 21/01/2018 09:41

The main issue with tongue piercings is teeth chipping, which is why I removed mine. The employment line is ridiculous as you wouldn't really notice a tongue piercing anyway, and HR in the above example have been way out of line.

Original poster
DannyOD · 21/01/2018 09:43

Teeth chipping? Now that is something that would put her off? Is it common?

OP posts:
tinydancer88 · 21/01/2018 09:43

I certainly don't read anything sexual into someone having a tongue piercing, and have never heard anyone make comments to that effect.

Disgusting that a woman was asked to change her appearance to stop others making sexual comments to her. What sort of precedent does that set, and how does that show any respect for her?

Demiguisee · 21/01/2018 09:44

Nobody I know who's has a tongue piercing has ever had an infection. If you get it done at a reputable parlour and keep it cleaned and cared for during the healing process, you'll be fine. The worst that could happen is that the piercing migrates/rejects, which you would notice and go back to the piercer about...

TonbridgeTammy · 21/01/2018 09:45

😡 when was this earless?

I'm not keen on tongue piercings myself but that's disgraceful.

What kind of industry was this and when did it happen?

I can't even begin to imagine how that meeting went.

They can be perceived as sexual but for some it's just about what looks cool to them. It's just jewellery.

Demiguisee · 21/01/2018 09:46

Teeth chipping can happen when you bite your tongue piercing accidently. I've bitten mine loads of times and not chipped a tooth yet. Dentist hasn't asked me to remove it so I'm assuming it's not damaged me teeth!

sirlee66 · 21/01/2018 09:46

Her body, her decision.

Ilovewillow · 21/01/2018 09:48

I would never think of the sexual connection tbh! We run our own financial services business and one of my Accountant colleagues has one. Firstly you can barely see it and it certainly doesn't look unprofessional nor would we ever ask her her to remove it for the sale of her male colleague - disgraceful!

I think, certainly, at 18 you can have an informed discussion but then it's over to them!

cornflakegirl · 21/01/2018 09:48

I got a tongue piercing when I was 21, shortly before starting my first permanent job. I only kept it a few months because of the teeth chipping thing. Most people at work didn't know I had it, unless I showed them. Sometimes I gross my kids out by showing them the little flap of skin on my tongue where it didn't heal quite right.

Theresnonamesleft · 21/01/2018 09:49

Like with any piercing, reputable place and actually listen to the aftercare instructions, and attend the follow-up appointment there should be no risk of infection

marcheauxfleur · 21/01/2018 09:50

I'm 20 years old and can honestly say I don't think they have sexual connotations anymore, at least amongst people my age

I didn't even realise that was a thing

DenPerry · 21/01/2018 09:51

Can't believe the HR post. She is 18 so an adult, she could get a tattoo if she wants. My mum joined me for my tongue piercing and watched it all Grin

Chaosofcalm · 21/01/2018 09:52

Years ago I had a brand manager who worked for me and it became problematic in the work place (male colleagues making comments). She was asked to remove it by HR.

I am another poster who is outraged that a victim was asked to change her behaviour because men could not behave appropriately. It wa not the piece of metal in her mouth that was the problem but the men who were sexually harassing her.

At 18 there is not a lot you can do other than express your concerns.

astoundedgoat · 21/01/2018 09:52

God, do teens still think this is edgy? I took mine out nearly 20 years ago (I was a goth back then)! I think the "sexual connotation" is just another example of men liking to think that everything we do is for and about them.

Back in the 90's, tongue piercings were cool, along with bellybuttons, eyebrows and "industrial" ear piercings. The bar in my tongue had as little to do with sex as the one threaded down through my ear, and hurt a lot less!