Will it end?

[Kath36]

Are there others out there that feel so low because of there kids. My dd15 I fear has broken me.

Ds had me really low when he got expelled for dealing drugs at school. Df (Disney father) brushed it all under the carpet as per and ds didn't see me for a year. Then a light bulb moment and ds realised he needed a parent not a 'mate' and moved in ft with nc with df. Don't give up, your precious dd is still under the teen cloak.

Thank you in trying so hard not to give in. I took the extreme measure of sending her to her father's after being expelled from school. Totally wrong friends etc and now things have got worse. Looking at being expelled again. She down to 1 hour a day at school. No one seems to help social services involved now and a report states she high risk of exploitation. She is angry will not take responsibility for her actions and only thinks of her so called friends. I dread each new day dread the phone ringing and dread the latest disappointment.

Kath... my teenage dd drives me mad. Each morning when I get up I tell myself it's a new day and to be more patient but the second she comes downstairs we rub each other up the wrong way. I'll say something innocuous like it looks like a nice day and straightaway she' ll contradict me with " well it looks freezing to me" or similar.
When I say black she says white, or tries to tell me she's told me something when I know for a fact she hasn't. Or she'll argue the point about something and then say " well you're the one making the fuss not me".

She turns things around so it sounds like I'm the one at fault if she forgot to take her homework or whatever she may or may not have done.
It's exhausting. Sometimes I let small things drop because it's just not worth the energy of having to counter her arguments but at the same time I won't have her thinking she's the adult not me. It's like living with an energy vampire.. she just sucks it out of you.

I totally get that statement. I don't think she cares what I think at all I don't even think she liked me. She drains me on a daily basis. I cry most days at work at home on the bus. Heard today that now weed has been found how much more can she really throw at us. Everyone says she change she'll realise but you know what. What if she don't change. I seriously don't think my sanity can hold out much longer she is literally driving me loopy.

Just know that you aren't the only one.
What keeps me going is seeing other friends who went through the same with their dd's ( not boys so much funnily enough) and seeing them come out the other side.

It's hard - DS 18 can at times be lovely - but this week he's been so angry with everyone in the house. He walked out and went off to stay with his dad for 3 nights. Back today like nothing happened ....

I look back and wonder why I thought the toddler years were difficult ....

DS 15-permanently excluded from school last June. smoking weed every day. Violent and abusive to us (we had him arrested). In trouble with police. he was mixing with the wrong crowd. looks like he now has autism. 11 year old sister traumatised by what she witnessed-having counselling

In the last few months lots has changed for the better, because we have changed our approach

we don't sweat the small stuff-if he wants to stay up late at home-as long as he does not disturb us -fine
We do not shout at him.
we talk about choice and consequence not "fault".
we agree curfew and expect him to call if late-90% of the time now he is on time or calls us-massive improvement
limited outbursts at home and zero violence for a number of months
he is being tutored at home for 2 hours per day and is totally focussed in those 2 hour lessons

i was where you are a year ago. SO many things i never thought i would have to deal with and was at breaking point. I wanted to chuck him out. But things have improved alot. Still no where near perfect-but much better. so don;t give up hope x

I'm a gnat's fart away from packing a bag and leaving for a while. Lock the house up and let lying 18 yr old find his own way (probably to his lying and enabling father). I've had enough.

I'm starting to wonder if a tutor at home woukd be better as can't seem to handle to school life. How do you even go about this. This is so so hard.

After he got excluded he was al alternative provision for several months. His behaviour was even more challenging and dusrupto e and he was there with other kids who had been excluded. BUT the teachers there really knew their stuff and could see he was different to other students. Speech and language strongly suggests asd and after many TAF meetings we all agreed tutor at home was best option to try. And it's workibg for him . His tutor is very experienced. Positive. Encouraging. I just wish we had managed to get this in place for him much sooner. They key is evidence of what does and does not work. He has Adhd diagnosis and most likely asd too

Thank you I her family and school think something isn't right but cahms however think it's behaviour so we back to square one. X

Ok so going out of my mind. Ss have now said she is at risk as she is vulnerable to exploitation . She won't listen to anyone and thinks that her so called friends who have thrown her under the bus twice are the only ones tgat matter. She has hurt us all so much feel like throwing the towel in. It's something everyday.

I totally get how you feel! I have been there myself, but don't give up on her. She needs you more than ever and she needs you to be strong for her and show you are in control. If you are having a bad time, I guarantee she is feeling twice as bad. Her behavior is communicating there is an issue that needs to be addressed. What practical support are SS giving you?

Anyone about tonight? I’m in tears yet again. Zero control over my teen. He’s gone awol again. I’m trally struggling to get through each day. I want to lock him out but don’t think I should. He accepts no rules. What on Earth do I do?

Ryebreadandwine what is the background to your son? How old is he?

I have been through hell and back with my DD now 16 in the past year. Going missing, sometimes for days on end; playing truant; stealing; swearing you name it.

It was fucking awful and I felt like packing a bag and going missing myself. It made life at home horrendous, and affected every aspect of our lives.

Eventually she point blank refused to go to school and I managed to get her into a College scheme. She has new friends and is back to her self. She's in on time, treats us all with respect as she should. Yes she won't have all the expected GCSEs etc but she's safe, well and happy.

What I'm trying to say is, I totally feel your pain. It's awful. I don't have any answers, other than keep doing what you're doing. It won't last forever.

If the SS are saying she's at risk of exploitation, what are they doing to help?

Ask for a family intervention worker, we had one for a few weeks and she was a good listener and support for me.

It feels really lonely, but you're not alone in this.

Sorry Rye, I missed your post.

It's so hard isn't it. How old is he?

Has he been in touch at all?

Hi all, I fell asleep while hiding under the duvet to avoid verbal abuse. He came home. We argued. I hid under the duvet. At least he is home and safe. I underwent a barrage of abuse of course before sleep. Sorry about all the typos above. A combination of tears and no specs to blame. I’ve decided to get help. There is a family support worker. She’s never really been involved. But the time has come to engage with her. Sorry. I’m tired. I’m also happy to have some time not being abused. I’m also planning on getting some private therapy. That way I will have someone to help me work through what’s going on. Sadly on my own so no one else to buffer or support me. Night all. I hope you’re all having a pleasant evening.

My 14yr old daughter acts like she hates me, she’s rude aggressive, spiteful and her personal hygiene is appalling, she won’t wash she won’t brush her hair, whatever I ask her to do she just speaks to me like I’m dirt, I’m very low and don’t want to be around her at all. I’m feel very lonely.

Hi Janey. I’ve just posted in relationships about my son. It is a very lonely place to be. Teenagers can be so difficult and mine definitely leaves me feeling low. I’m having some conversations with good friends. Di you have anyone to speak with about your daughter?

I'm am currently wait g for the police to come round - we have yet again found some cigarettes on her that she allegedly got from the local 'tab house'. It sounds relatively mild but it's just another thing to add to the rest of the issues in the past 12 months.

Dad is 15 and has learning difficulties and therefore very vulnerable but she just doesn't see it. We adopted her and her db when they were 2 & 1 years old. Her behaviour has always been challenging and very oppositional but it's just escalated. She constantly lies and steals (from us). In September last year she announced she was gay and possibly trans. She then started absconding. We are involved with TAF. I thought things were improving but at the weekend she fed me a pack of lies about where she was and now, despite repeated warnings, she has cigarettes on her.

I am dreading tomorrow as I know school (special provision) will have a nightmare of a day with her and I am dreading a phone call to say she has absconded.

Irony is I could happily smoke one of the cigarettes right now

I feel your pain OP - you are not alone but it's the most isolating experience ever

Hi Rybreadandwine I don’t really talk to friends because their kids are all doing so well and they constantly saying how proud they are of them, I feel embarrassed and shameful of how my daughter behaves, me and my husband just talk to each other, it’s effecting us both so badly, I do talk to one friend, but it is still a lonely place to be x

Well, another day, another drama. This morning I found cannabis, was called a CU** and scum and had £10 stolen. Then an email from school telling me his behavioural issues are out of hand. I really do want to run away. Sorry to hear about your child daka. I feel you janey! It is indeed a lonely place. I would love to have someone to take the heat. Even if just for a night,

I’m aware I’m chatting to myself on this board. Maybe it will be helpful to someone one day. Today my son has been expelled. Disruptive in class. He rang me sobbing. I think his cannabis use is out of control. I feel utterly helpless. I’m in bed in tears again. I may have to take some time off work because I can’t concentrate. I need to go in tomorrow. 15, not likely to get any gcse’s, using drugs. How on earth did I get this so desperately wrong. What a mess. I’d love someone to give me a hug and tell me things will be ok.

Unfortunately you are not alone. Don't think I can take much more - just want my son back x