Looking for help with teens and a house move

[Lagger]

Morning all, my first post here so I'll try to avoid breaking any rules.
I'm looking for some help, for reasons outside our control we have to move from our home. We have found a new place but it involves re-locating about 50 miles and thus new school for our 14yr son and college for 16yr daughter.
The Daughter is raising merry hell about moving away and really causing huge stress - countless texts, drama scenes and all very difficult to deal with.
We've explained the situation at length but dealing with a 16yr old is difficult - at least we're finding it so. Reasonable arguments don't work, we seem to be stuck in a circle of "yes but" and then "it's so unfair, we don't want this".

Anyone have any tips to help cope with this stress and help the children?
Thanks

At 16 you could point out she is welcome to make her own arrangements

Well, I did consider that but it seems rather harsh - not quite the nuclear option but last resort - ish style.
I think that the point has been reached where clear language is required, something along the lines of "this is what we're doing, we know it isn't exactly what you wanted but we are doing this. That's the end of it."

I expect more drama followed by grudging acceptance of reality followed by light enthusiasm. Maybe.

You're moving her away from her friendship circle and wider support system and you're doing so part way through her collage course(s), which unless they're the same syllabus, taught in the same order and at the same speed is about to make her studies much more difficult - it's the kind of situation that can have a significant effect on outcomes. I'm not surprised at your DD's reaction, I'm only surprised that you're not dealing with histrionics x2!

I think the only route you have is to acknowledge that she doesn't want to move, acknowledge that it's unfair and acknowledge that it's going to be tough for her...then reiterate that it's not what you wanted either but there were no other options.

Your 16 year old isn’t in charge, you are the adult. You are being forced to move and as much as she doesn’t like it she has to suck it up. Life isn’t fair - the sooner she learns that the better.

Yes you're right. That's what you have to tell her. Be sympathetic but firm. You're in charge and you understand why she isn't happy.

Presumably she is y12 and not y11 (if in England/Wales).

If she is y11 then you need to do everything in your power to enable her to stay in the area until end June.

Either way, would you consider 16yo staying at trusted friends Mon-Thur nights term time?

I’m actually with your dd on this. It’s not a good time for her educationally to be moving. She’s going to have find a whole new friendship group also. Did you think it would be plain sailing? You need to think about impact on her.

What year is 14 year old in? When are you moving? During term time?

Friends did this with their 14 year old. He’s not settled in new area & it’s caused untold stress.

Thanks to everyone for the responses. To answer some of the open questions posted:

1. we definitely have to move, we've tried finding something locally but without any success and we're out of time
2. DD (yr 11) is coming round the idea but we will make sure she can finish the first academic year where she currently is - maybe stay at a friend that takes in students for a couple of months and then switch. This was after advice from her college tutor and we think it's a reasonable solution. We are looking at BHASVIC in Brighton and she's very keen on that idea.
3. Son is in year 9.

We're well aware that this is likely to be very difficult but as someone above posted, there's sometimes when it's impossible to do what you'd like to do and you have to make the best of what comes along. Unfortunately for us, this is one of those times :-(

On a related note, anyone have an opinion on Chichester Free School? We're looking at this as an option for the lad.

Many thanks!

Hi, could anyone help advise me on moving 300 miles away with a 13 year old, we thought she was keen but as the time has got nearer she’s had a breakdown and says she can’t go through with it, she’s terrified she won’t like new school and won’t make any friends. She’s really traumatised. Should we put off our plans to stop further stress and damage or go for it and hope it works out. I’m totally torn. Thanks.