Screen time boundaries

littlebillie · 2018-01-14T20:31:57+00:00

Do you have any and what ages how much? I am at the end of my tether with the addiction to screens. Not sure how to pull it back and make a change.. Please help!

foolonthehill · 14/01/2018 20:49

4 DC
11 year old screens live downstairs...not too addicted so easy to keep it to an hour or so a day (not including family time tv at weekends)
13 year old surgically removed from phone from 8pm to 8am uses computer for homework and downloading lyrics for singing again easy as she would rather do other things most of the time with a 2 hour limit that she seldom reaches also excluding any family tv time in main sitting room )
14 year old has a basic phone and mp3 player so no temptation, own laptop has controls set by me for max 4 hours (which includes homework) between hours of 8am and 9pm weekdays Sat and Sundays are variable depending on homework and what else we are doing. He would spend more time if possible/allowed but knows I'm only going to grant extensions if other stuff is done too.
16 year old has a smart but very basic phone and a laptop . Phone is downstairs 9pm to when she gets up (6.30ish). Laptop is limited to 8am to 9.30pm but not time limited as she does a lot of school work on it.

I know we are an unusually strict and technologically not very advanced family (there's only me with the DC). Sometimes I feel a bit sorry for them but then I realise that their ability to switch off makes them much nicer to be around and less stressed.

As we only have one TV and mostly watch together/with various sibling combinations I don't use their screen time allowance for this.

The main thing is knowing what you believe is enough, and having good reasons to explain why. Be prepared to take the flack. Be reasonable...if they have a good case for more time consider it. Allow some self regulation/negotiation (eg if I have a screen free day can i have longer tomorrow etc). You also need to provide other things for them to do (music/sport/familygames/walks) and stick to some rules for yourself,or they won't respect your reasoning.

minxthemanx · 15/01/2018 20:41

I was going to write my own post on this subject. Am at screaming point. Ds1 is 16. Is at grammar school, bright, fair bit of pressure, just done 2.5 weeks of mocks. Pluses; he does revise, ish, and has clear idea what he wants to do in life. (Medicine ). But the frigging xbox and phone rule his life. Rule has been no xbox during the week term time, long sessions with his friends fri/sat night. This is his "socialising" with his school friends who all live a fair way away. At least we know where he is and he's not drinking/doing drugs. House parties about once every three months (weed been tried). I don't like 4 hours on xbox followed by watching videos on phone till 1pm Friday/sat nights. He also has a neurological condiction but will not be told that he's making it worse with this ridiculous screen time. How the x xxx do you get them off it? Or should I be grateful he's not smoking cannabis in a dodgy park and let it go?

JustDanceAddict · 15/01/2018 21:29

Ugh, I was just thinking this re DS, he’s 13.5 (year 9) and is majorly addicted. We had a chat earlier and I said that next academic year he is not going to have the same freedoms as he may be doing 11 GCSEs and will not have the time. I’m going to try and impose a ban during the week but he will only be able to go on once h/w been done. Now I do that too if I can, but then he’s on it all evening, so today from about 5.30-6.45, then dinner and prob back on by 7.30 and has just come off just before 9.30 (dh blocks his internet).
He does see friends etc but at their houses he also does screen! I hope come the better weather he’ll be out more - starting DofE too so that will help.
DD (15) doesn’t really game but watches Netflix and uses social media more.,

MairzyDoats · 15/01/2018 21:36

Could have written a lot of the above posts - DS is 14, nearly 15, and spends most of his free time on the sofa on either his phone or laptop watching videos. I find it hard to police because he says he's doing homework... But he's constantly interrupting his studies to watch stuff. I think his ability to concentrate is nil and I don't think he's doing more than the minimum of school work. It's like an addiction. I've been trying to avoid conflict with him because his dad, who I am separated from, seems to be happy to let him do as he likes and I'm sick of being bad cop, but I'm tearing my hair out at his lack of interest in the world... He could be very good at art, but he just isn't interested in drawing or anything. What do I do?!

minxthemanx · 15/01/2018 21:42

The only thing that has got through to my addicted DS, and it may not last, is money. I told him at the weekend thar I will not be paying for his phone contract if he on the phone at stupid times like 1 am, and until he can set himself more sensible boundaries he will have to cough up. Told him I was taking £35 there and then for this month's. The following day he was in bed at 10.30 and the phone was on the landing, but I can't see it lasting. Hit them where it hurts?

foolonthehill · 15/01/2018 22:26

Well you can be pleased that he's not doing the other bad stuff and worried about the screens.

For me at his age and given his lifestyle choices (mostly good) I would have a non-confrontational conversation and give him some websites (oh the irony) and information sources and ask him to come back to you with what he thinks. Hopefully you can then have a discussion about how the new tech influences our use of time.

I hope this way you can ask him to make healthier choices for himself...I think laying down the law is unlikely to result in what you want. However I would have a house wide rule about tech out of the bedroom at night (time you see as reasonable)...and stick to it yourself (and DP if there is one)...modelling always works better than telling. If music is listened to on tech then an mp3 for overnight might need to be provided.

helpmum2003 · 19/01/2018 16:40

I use an app called Screentime to control my dc electronic time.

LippyLattimer · 20/01/2018 15:41

Have you come across an app called Moments? It tracks how long you have been on your phone and which apps have been used. Great way to shame everyone into putting the phone down. There is more functionality in the paid version but havent investigated that yet.

Original poster

littlebillie · 26/01/2018 18:35

I may investigate moments just heard an article on the news about Xanax and snapchat advertised for £1. It's destroying kids lives

OP posts:

Floofster · 30/01/2018 11:08

First time posting, so be gentle.
DS18, has access to internet from 6pm-9pm Monday to Friday. Same weekends - unless gets off his lazy backside and does laundry, helps out about the home etc. Then happy to give him internet. Doesn't have a smart phone so no mobile data.

Xbox is a bloody nightmare, and extended time on it just renders him incapable of being a functioning human.

GatherlyGal · 30/01/2018 15:47

We've had a HUGE fight getting DD (13)'s phone off her at night. We have had to resort to taking it to bed with us as we found out she was stating awake until she thought we were asleep and then going downstairs to get it! She is basically messaging friends on and off ALL NIGHT. I have no idea how they function.

We have had this row time and again and she finds a way to get around the rules. At one point she stole her sister's DS for months and managed to download a Youtube app on that to watch videos.

She pleads with us that she can't sleep without music / videos /messaging friends etc and absolutely does not accept that having a screen in front of her eyes is stopping her from sleeping. It drives us insane wondering if we need to lock away every device in the house.

She is so addicted it is terrifying.

Elvisesrealwife · 01/02/2018 07:46

Same as all above
My son 16 was lovely caring, kind, social happy,book reading,cycling boy has changed into moody selfish insular arogant lazy Xbox nightmare now all consuming your of day evening yes I expected teen changes moods but this is robbing his personality I'm so despirate to help him see but it's just rows and threats of taking it away completely
But he needs computor for college what do you do?

BeyondThePage · 01/02/2018 07:56

My DDs seem to spend less time than most on screens.

We ban devices in the bedrooms after 9pm, that is our only "measure" taken.

BUT... What are the alternatives in your house?

I have 2 DDs - one an air cadet, the other a St John's cadet - they do those activities 3 times a week, usually including one weekend day,

they both study a musical instrument - and have for years - that requires daily practise,

we see their gran once a week for 5 or so hours (the kids - and we - are polite enough to know you don't spend all of those hours on a phone.),

and finally we are family members of a local gym and go swimming there twice a week, and play table tennis every other weekend.

The people I know whose kids spend a lot of time on screens, ALSO spend a lot of time on screens themselves, sitting watching telly of an evening whilst telling the kids to get off their phone seems odd to me.

Elvisesrealwife · 02/02/2018 09:08

Yes beyondthepage there are always going to be people who don't do what they expect their children to do but we are not them! both my DH and DD go running regularly(she spins too) I swim regularly, avid gardener and field walk our dog every day. I belong to a chior. Cook healthy meals from scratch, organise charity events regularly. My husband is an avid DIY every weekend and we family cycle a lot in the summer. I help him with huge Diy projects our childern have grown up in a very busy household.we are creative and sew/make lots of things.
We are a camping family and very out doorsy too. All of these thing DS refuses. Even beach dog walks.we are a very active family and I have tried to find an organisation or gym for him to attend but he refuses.we visited/organised one near his college but he never went.Even after cancer treatment I attended my zumber classes to show him you never give up. He was a very keen Scout but then grew out and no further level available locally. Tried to get him involved in D of E at college but he doesnt want to do that either.as when he did want to do at his school he didnt get chosen. I think he's lost confidence in himself and it's easier to hid behind a screen.Although I will say all our children work and have paid jobs that don't involve screens.more in retail and when in public he is very sociable he earns his own money and works hard at college..He has gone to spin with DD when she kept begging him but refused to go running or walking with her or me. He will walk the dog so that gets him out in fresh air now and again.
It's easy to send kids to organised things if they want to go and enjoy it but not all do and it it's easy to list off these, I know a lot of people who send their kids to lots of clubs so they can go 'wait' for them in the pub! We try to do a variety of things as a family or with friends.but you can't drag an unwilling 6'2 out from behind a screen if he refuses point blank and I says he's doing college work that is all sent electronically to college with times deadlines!!