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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What time do your 17 year olds need to be home at night?

43 replies

BigSandyBalls2015 · 14/01/2018 10:02

There was a thread on this recently which I think I added to but can't find.

DD is very nearly 17 (year 12). Party mad and I usually pick her up from 'gatherings' about 2am and she's been pretty good at sticking to it. Occasionally she'll stay st friends after parties.

Last night I was knackered and pre ordered an uber for 2am. DH said it wouldn't work, she wouldn't get in it etc.

Got a text at 1.45 from DD saying party still going strong don't worry about uber, she'll sort herself one out later.

She got in at 5am.

Part of me is extremely pissed off, I keep thinking 'she's only 16', the other part thinks at least she kept in touch about her plans, she got home, she wasn't drunk and she's a year off being an adult.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 14/01/2018 14:18

DS1 is now 18 and not living here, but when he was 17 he would drive himself around, and if he went out he could come home whenever. BUT he's a sensible sort and he always told us where he was going even though he really didn't have to.

Teenageromance · 14/01/2018 14:19

Can I ask how often those of you with 17 year olds see them? It’s hard letting go when they are still under your roof and need feeding etc but you don’t get much back in terms of interaction. Although could be because dd is in a serious romantic relationship. Her head doesn’t seem present with the family anymore 😥

Sparklingbrook · 14/01/2018 14:21

When DS was 17 he had a girlfriend, A Levels, learning to drive and a Saturday job. He was very busy. We didn't see much of him at all.

OverByYer · 14/01/2018 14:24

Now DS drives, has school, a PT job, a girlfriend and a gym habit, I see him very rarely.
I do try to make sure I speak to him in the flesh every day though, even if it means waiting up for him to come in from work at 11pm.

giveitfive · 14/01/2018 14:48

I ask that mine keep in touch with me and are always honest. 16/17/18 is an age when they need to start getting out there and making their own decisions.

They ask permission for every party/trip/gathering and if lifts are to be offered it needs to be at my convenience.

Youngest recently called us at 3am from a NYE party and asked to be collected when supposed to be sleeping over. Apparently the beers had run out and drugs were being passed round... I was slightly pissed at the inconvenience and chuffed to bits that the right decision had been made.

Gotta let them go and hope your lessons have stuck.

Sparklingbrook · 14/01/2018 14:52

DS went to an NYE house party but came home in the early hours because he wanted his own bed and everyone else was a bit worse for wear.

PandaG · 14/01/2018 14:54

Mine had to be home for midnight at 17, unless previously agreed to a later curfew or staying over - also agreed in advance. He is now 18, we still want to know where he is and how he is getting home. Parties usually finish by 1 so he is home not much later, he is not one for clubbing

MsHarry · 14/01/2018 15:05

12 at the latest from parties/gatherings. NYE was 12.30 and the only exception.

MsHarry · 14/01/2018 15:09

DD is 17 yr 12.

titchy · 14/01/2018 15:17

I don’t understand this argument of them will go wild at university. Those staying out until 5 am are doing it now but I don’t get why that is better?

Because if they run out of money/cant get home/are puking in a gutter somewhere they have parents nearby to rescue them, so theres a safety net whilst lessons are learnt.

At uni if youve run out of money you may well not have friends who'll make sure youre home safe, and may never have had any reason to think why spending your last fiver isnt a good idea. May never have thought about getting lift home from a random stranger. May never have thought accwpting drinks from randoms can be dodgy.

Teenageromance · 14/01/2018 15:41

Does anyone else find it tough this stage? Particularly if it is the oldest one going through this and you still have younger siblings and want to still do ‘family’ things without one missing?

bummypicklemummy · 14/01/2018 16:00

I'd moved out of home by then lol!

StellaTins · 14/01/2018 16:19

No curfew here, I trust them to be safe and they know they can call me if they ever need help, day or night.

Mabel. That's not fair on her

OverByYer · 14/01/2018 17:00

Yes teenageromance, I have a 14 year old as well and finding booking holidays hard, as 17 soon to be 18 year old doesn’t want to come ( didnt last year either).
14 year old finds it boring with just me and husband.
Looking at USA this year, eldest might come but I think he will be bored.

Balearica · 14/01/2018 17:52

My DD does not have a curfew but this is on the understanding that she does not go out during the week (she has a lot of homework so this is not really an issue) and that she is never too tired for school.

If she fails on this then a curfew will be imposed. She is a sensible girl and so far has self regulated perfectly. If it gets past 1am she tends to stay over at a friends.

The recent trend though is for her and her friends to turn up here after an initial going out. Perfectly harmless TV watching, music and chatting, but they are fairly though not unreasonably loud and can keep it up until 3am (probably longer but I sent them all to bed then so I could sleep). I am definitely not a party animal.

BettyBaggins · 14/01/2018 20:02

I had left home and was pregnant. My daughter at 17 I would of been concerned but I let her discover her own freedoms at that age and she is a fun but sensible woman now. She didnt do a lot of clubbing, had a long term boyfriend and learnt by open communication with me, on a need to know basis, what she might face (sex/drugs) and how to deal with it.

If I had been made to come home early I wouldn't of, or I would of climbed out the window. Make home a happy place to be for your teens and they won't be the horror I was!

Iluvthe80s · 14/01/2018 20:38

First of all its great she communicates with you and lets you know her plans changed. You need to maintain that. But i would have a conversation about the lateness-that you worry etc etc.

I also hear what others are saying about when they are 18 and classed as adults, but if our kids are living in our house, then to a certain extent, I'll expect them to respect our rules. If they leave home and pay their own rent s, then that's another story.

Our son is 16 in May-we've had some serious issues with behaviour (he has ADHD and ASD so a bit complicated) so we expect him in by 11pm on a weekend and 10pm in the week. We went for a long time of him staying out massively late, beyong agreed curfew-1amish and us not being to get hold of him. we were worried sick. When he is running late now, he will usually call to let us know which is a big improvement.

I have to say we also have an 11 year old daughter and while I know I sound sexist, I know my concerns around curfew for her will be different to those of her brother.

Dogsarethebest · 15/01/2018 09:36

I am mum to an 18 year old dd, and a 16 year old ds. As yet we aren't having any issues with ds staying out as he is mainly on his ps4 live with his friends. He did go round to a close friends on Friday though and had to be home for 11pm ( had not got his key and I was up for work at 5.15 the following morning). He seems to be a sensible lad, but we need to think about when he starts going out.
Dd turned 18 last Sep. Prior to that she occasionally went to 'gatherings' at friends houses for birthdays etc and was usually home around 12/12.30. Taxis were always discussed and I would usually get a text. Text me once when problems and I went for her. Now she is 18 she does go out, sometimes twice in a week, then not for weeks - she hasn't gone out an awful lot. When dd does go out she is usually back between 1 & 3 am, has very occasionally been later. We have spoken regularly about getting home, and that seems to be something she is happy to follow. She is never to leave a venue on her own for a taxi without a friend is the main thing. She comes home quietly, locks up, puts alarm on and hasn't puked anywhere (yet😊). On the rare occasion she goes out midweek she is up and off to College - what can I complain about? In a few months she will be heading off to uni, but hopefully a bit more streetwise and able to cope with situations.

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